Your English is great, so don't give it a second thought. Thanks for making the extra effort it took to share your story with us.

You ask great questions, which point to one of the most painful dilemmas in human existence. Intimate relationships ARE potentially an enormous source of well-being...as you have experienced. AND, biology has programmed us so that our intimate relationships shift for the worse over time (as you experienced with your previous girlfriend).

This is because we humans have two - conflicting - biological programs at work. Mammals are programmed to move on to new partners after they exhaust their sexual desire with their existing partners. This is how our genes improve their chances of making it into the next generation. They may have no idea *why* they move on. All they know is that (due to a hidden neurochemical program in their brain), the old partner looks like boiled cabbage, and the new one looks like a delicious gelato.

However, a small percentage of mammals (humans included) have a SECOND program at work, too. We "pair-bonders" like to fall in love...at least long enough so that both parents bond to their child and help raise him/her.

Italian researchers have discovered that after about two years (at the longest...), various levels of hormones and neurochemicals change in lovers. Those changes coincide with a drop in libido toward one's existing partner. At the same time, one is more susceptible than ever to finding a potential *new* partner delicious...thanks to that first biological program mentioned above, which is still present in us, too.

So, that fact is, the key issue may not be "who" we fall in love with, but "how" we manage our subconscious biological programs.

This website is devoted to the idea that the ancient Chinese Taoists (and others) were right when pointed out that lots of orgasm alienates partners, and that learning to make love *without* orgasm (and just rely on those wonderful feelings that you got from kissing and snuggling) is the best way to preserve harmony in a relationship, and improve our health and outlook.

That's a very long answer to your questions. But if you want to learn more, you might want to start with these articles:

http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect

http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/bonding_magic

http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/lao_tzu_tai_chi_of_sexual_transcendance

Whatever you do going forward, it's really inspiring that you have used those powerful feelings to improve so many areas of your life. That is wonderful! Would your new sweetheart be interested in trying a different approach to sex???

Keep us informed.

I think I have experienced what you are going through, to an extent.

Normally when you fall in love with someone, you have a lot of energy, and you use it to spend a lot of time with that person and usually (let's face it) have a lot of sex. After a while you satiate yourself sexually and start to see the person's flaws, and so you have less "in love" feelings and less energy.

On the other hand, when you fall in love with someone "unavailable" like you have done, you still have a lot of energy, but you can't use it all to interact with that person, so sometimes you can channel it into a lot of other things, like spiritual growth, changing your habits, etc. This can be very productive and I think it's a positive thing, and your connection to the other person can also be very special even if you're physically separated most of the time. However, I don't think it's right to assume that because you have such a connection with someone and have made a lot of personal progress as a result, that this means the person is your "soul mate" and you are meant to be together forever or something. Such people can often gradually fade out of one's life, or assume a different role, after the initial phase of intensity has run its course. It's not a problem unless you get stuck in one of two extremes: getting attached to the specific person, or else getting attached to the idea that every relationship has to maintain that same level of intensity all the time, and so continuing to cycle through new partners. The nature of that kind of intensity is that it can't be maintained over the long term unless you keep creating a lot of upheaval.

I feel like I might be preaching to myself as well here, so I think I'll just leave it at that.

that is "out of topic" here.

I think you are answering your own questions, which is good, but I'll just emphasize that you're right. 90% of people ARE following their biological rules...and getting very predictable results, just as you have.

But is that a reason not to reach higher by steering around those rules? Look what you have accomplished by placing yourself in a situation where you couldn't quickly satiate yourself with this woman...and lose interest in her.

We have enormous potential in our relationships, which we seldom tap because we usually gobble each other up with intense passion, or very casually,...and then lose interest.

Since relationships are such powerful sources of well-being and inspiration (when they are stable and harmonious), why are we so willing to throw them away just because biology urges us to do that?

It IS peculiar to make love without orgasm, but it wouldn't be, perhaps, if we all fully understood our options and their benefits. Speaking of wine, here's a quotation you might like, by a man who wrote about this other way of making love 80 years ago: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/lloyd_karezza_method

Good luck with your romance. It doesn't *have* to end in heartache.