The heart is higher than the head. This seems obvious, but as I reflect on it, it is true on more than one level. If I am going to take orders from somewhere, it should be from what is highest rather than what is lowest. That is not to disrespect sexuality of course. Just that, in the symphony of vibrating chakras there needs to be a conductor, and that should be one of the higher ones.

This takes courage. Courage to face up to some discomfort as I have to say 'NO' again and again and again to my sexual urges on the way to rebalance. Courage to feel what the addiction had been helping to mask- my heart-felt feelings that are deep, watery, and not always comfortable, but which make me know that I am alive. Not just in the trance of addiction.

We found a chicken yesterday, lost in the forest. We waited till dusk to see if it would wander back to its home, we even asked a local if they knew of anyone who might have lost a chicken lately. In the end we took it home with us to save it from becoming a fox's dinner. (It is in no danger of becoming ours, by the way- we are all herbivorous.) Though new to our home, our new friend did not seem disconcerted. My cat began stalking her, but on my command agreed not to hunt her down. They got real close to have a good look at each other...the chicken did not move an inch, waited and waited, and when my cat was within striking distance, the chicken gave her a sudden and sharp peck on the nose. My poor cat fled for the afternoon. The moral is that if a chicken can stand her ground before a cat, surely I can stand up to the often painful pangs of withdrawal and not 'chicken out'.

A toast to all of the brave souls who have walked this path before me. You all know who you are (even if I don't). When I read of people who have been as addicted, hook line and sinker, as I am (though have not acted out for a few days now), and how they have managed a month, two months, six months of sobriety...well, I am impressed greatly.

Where is the Yellow Brick Road? I need to find the Wizard, maybe he can give me some courage. Or maybe the Wizard is me, and I just don't know it yet. Better keep walking the path.