Slippery Slope

Submitted by thelongrun on Sun, 2008-11-16 08:00
Community topics: 
porn addiction recovery

It's so exciting to see the number of folks on this group grow so quickly! I hope you all find the help and community I have found here. It works.
I have been out of blogging regularly because my summer job is busy and the fall has not let up. As many of you know, I have taken a new job which requires a 6 month move to a new city away from my kids. Tough one for me but I believe it will be good in the long run.
Here is my slope - when I am away and tired and lonely, I am more likely to look at porn. I have not masturbated in over a year (wow, who would have ever thought that would happen!) but the looking at porn is just as bad spiritually, even if it does not lead to a full blown decent into the mire of addiction.
So I was away at a conference for 10 days. I stayed up way to late playing cards with good friends, got up early to play frolf, and was involved in meeting after meeting, and conversation after conversation related to my new job. My new job directly relates to this conference and there is lots of anxiety and questions - many are mine too!
So I found myself the last two nights of the conference going to the web to catch up on email, facebook etc. And just before bed, I wandered.
I'm not killing myself here. It was not for long. I did not lose hours (maybe 30 minutes?) but it's the slope I'm afraid of. Knowing is 1/2 the battle but it reminds me that I am not "cured" though some of you point to me as a "success" story. I'm sharing this because I have to for me. I need to be back here and will probably be more active especially after my move Dec 1.
My new place is going to be lonely, stressful, and did I say lonely? I need to commit to getting to bed early. That's a big help for me. And to committing to saying "yes" when someone asks if I would like to go out to dinner or a party or whatever. I think that will help a lot.
I will keep you close and informed as I can.
Please send good thought, or even prayers, my way as I need you all, especially now.
Peace,
TLR

Comments

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sun, 2008-11-16 08:32.

I've gotten a lot clearer on that since my first book (which was really just about couples, so it didn't focus much on that challenge). Interestingly, science has gotten a lot clearer on it, too. Researchers now say very clearly, that the reward circuitry is there to connect us with others. Connection is healthy. It naturally counters stress, depression and anxiety (or it would if our intimate relationships weren't at the mercy of our "fertilization-driven sex" program!).

Anyhow, scientists now say that all addictions "hijack" those "connection pathways." Here's what happens: Your brain knows you're supposed to be feeling good, and if you don't cooperate with your design by spending time interacting with others, it will send you down some *other* path to feel good. The trouble is that all paths are not "created equal." Connection with others (without going on the dopamine roller coaster ride) soothes and balances. Looking at porn...and the slope...decrease balance and increase frustration.

In other words, you see your challenge...and your best antidote...very clearly. Wishing you the very best, and sending you lots of soothing, yet juicy smiley , cyber hugs!