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Detour to tranquility
So the last few days I've been breaking all my rules one after another. First on wednesday I watched some porn for the first time for about a month. Boredom was the driver who steered me to close to be able to escape the gravity of all the gorgeousness just waiting for me to appreciate it. I didn't masturbate, I just enjoyed the feelings of excitement and tried to exercise my abilities in controlling and transforming it. So in that respect it did serve a little bit of purpose. Then yesterday I did much of the same with masturbation without porn involved. And finally last night my girlfriend managed to withdraw some semen from me again.. After having to back off the first time she complained about how it wasn't as fun as before to have sex with me as my stamina is gone out the window completely. So when it felt like backing off againg not long after getting going the second time I didn't have the conscience to back down once more and over the cliff I went. At least I pulled her with me and it was a helluva trip during the freefall, but hitting the ground wasn't a good feeling. I'm so much more aware now of how lousy one really feels after orgasm. In the past the retrospect thinking of the enjoyment of the act in itself was hiding the fact that it feels like crap afterwards. On the other side I'm also more aware of the pleasure during the orgasm as well. Last night it felt more like two sequential O's then one.. Never felt something like that before, I think it was my focus on the circulation of energies while it lasted that brought it on..
So in the quantity of days without spillage I'm back to square one again, but I'm learning more and more each time around so I don't think it counts as "failure" only a detour on my path to tranquility..
- spiritual_hardship's blog
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It's certainly not
a failure. This adventure of yours is a sort of personal laboratory, as you point out. You will find the best path for you if you keep watching and learning - just as you say.
Orgasm is not "bad," it's just costly (and potentially perception-shifting and craving-enhancing). This means moderation has merit, whatever "moderation" looks like for a lusty young lad (and lassie) like you two.
Did you two try any of the Exchanges, or did your girlfriend's enthusiasm fade again? I know they seem a bit tame at first.
The enthusiasm was a state
The enthusiasm was a state of mind with a very short half-life. But I'll read through them and sneak in the odd bit here and there for now. Maybe we'll try it a little more structured sometime later.
*smiling big*
Thanks for calling me a young lad as I'm almost having an existential chrisis as I turned 30 on monday!
Orgasm is not bad, quite good actually.
But being more aware and knowing of something else I realised I was instantly depressed afterwards. Guess I spent a days worth of neurotransmitters in one go.. So I really want to work on getting familiar with the more intricate details and applications of this nifty bodys pleasure organs, and hopefully make Orgasm less sex a more likely outcome of this erotic intimacy.
Better and better every time!
Hey old man! :-)
I know you'll work it out. It's kinda
to realize that you have more control over your happiness than you thought, isn't it? To me that makes the world a far more comfortable place.
Seen south park?
That thought of being in control of my happiness reminded me of the character twitch... " AAARGGGHH, CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE"
Better and better every time!
PS
I'm glad you got to celebrate your birthday with fireworks in the bedroom.
I've seen South Park, but only a few times. We don't have cable, so we generally only watch things on our computers.
Keep going!
Hi Spiritual_Hardship,
Have gone through the process you are now going through myself, I can very much relate.
Reading your post it is very clear that your lower self/lower nature (made up of past patterns, emotional substance etc.) once again have reached up from the subconscious to abort your courage and intent for Spiritual Unfoldment and replacing sex with lovemaking.
It can be very powerful, convincing and intelligent in persuading you to once again go back for the old way of sexual excitement which feeds it like nothing else and keeps you under its influence and control. ”.....I just enjoyed the feelings of excitement and tried to exercise my abilities in controlling and transforming it...” is as I see it, an argument/justification from your lower Self and not your Higher Self that is interested in your Spiritual Unfoldment and getting you out of the prison of the lower Selfs influence.
I believe it is very important to get out of pollyanna thinking about the consequences of sex without love. The consequences of sex based solely on sexual excitement being:
Build up of conditional energy (if x then y) in the subconscious by the ”disqualified” sexual energy – diminishing our Spiritual freedom and power every time (negative karma).
Pain, conflict, tension and emptiness in oneself and in ones relationship and being more and more controlled by the lower animalistic self who one then identifies as being oneself; Spiritual descend in other words.
In addition to this we as men (the masculine being projective and the feminine being receptive) also transfer our sexuality (god or bad) to woman. If we in our ignorance are very ”animalistic” and selfish in our way of using the sexual energy, that quality of the sexual energy will be transferred to the womans body and consciousness also, which then in turn will affect her wellbeing, her level of consciousness and her potential for Spiritual unfoldment.
It is only by actual lovemaking (the flow of unconditional love being the driving force – not excitement) that true union of the divine masculine and feminine can take place and ”qualify” the sexual energy so to speak. True lovemaking will:
Transform and purify the conditional energy in the subconscious, awakening more spiritual freedom and power in both partners and start a positive Spiral that bring each partner closer and closer to realization of their True Nature/True Self (Wholeness).
More and more harmony and love inside oneself and in the relationship.
- - - - -
Knowing the consequence of sex without love (or still being in the process of learning it) the question then is how to actually ”replace” sex with lovemaking and how to free oneself of the very powerful downward pull of our own past (patterns, engrams, emotional substance etc.), our lower self and the negative force.
In my own Spiritual journey I have learned (although it took a long time
.gif" alt="smiley"/> that I simply cant do it solely by my own efforts, since I cant heal my mind by the use of the same mind. It was first when I connected with and depended on my Inner Master (also by some called Higher Self or God within) and Spirit (both powers beyond the mind), that real change, transformation and purification of my mind and consciousness began.
The process has mostly been one of honesty (confronting my self created lower/false self), understanding (deep contemplation of my experiences and of true teachings) and surrendering limitations, engrams, adopted illusions etc. to my Inner Master as they surface and are recognized/negotiated in my Consciousness and life.
What has helped me more than anything in understanding the difference between sex and lovemaking and how to actually make the needed inner transformation and shift is by listening repeatedly to the Godrealized Master Barry Longs - ”Love making” lecture. By the grace and Divine assistance of my own Inner Master, by contemplating my own experiences in relation to what Barry Long shares of Divine Truth about sex versus lovemaking (its important to discern between Truth and ”man made” ideas/koncepts here) – permanent transformation and purification has happened in my Consciousness and mind.
A change that has only happened after I actually asked my own Inner Master for His Divine assistance in truly understanding and ”healing” what it was that Barry Long was sharing. Before that I listened to Barry Longs lecture without getting any inner change or true understanding out of it – it went in one ear and out the other, as the lower self and mind never will be the one to embrace this kind of lovemaking, that in the end will take you beyond it out of its influence and control.
I hope the above can be of help to you Spiritual_Hardship and others with the intent and courage to learn and practice lovemaking and bettering the relationship between man and woman. It takes a lot of inner work but its definitely worth it. Don't be discouraged or blame yourself for the temporary setback or the past. Confrontation with your lower false self is an unavoidable and necessary part on the Spiritual Journey – just keep going and I trust you will find what works for you.
Blessings
Jørgen
Norsk!...? Thanks alot for a
Norsk!...?
Thanks alot for a comprehensive and inspiring answer. My lower false self has been gathering its troops and is back with renewed strength lately yes. Sure is one powerfull army to be up against for a man in his early stages of spiritual evolution. I had a timeslice where I was so much better at not giving in to lustfull thoughts and emotions then I am right now. Now it's back to stormy weather, but I've sailed through this storm before and so will I now. I have been asking for guidance on this and I will continue to do so and try to listen for the answer within. I am better at asking the questions then recieving the answers for now..
Better and better every time!
This thread
points to what I understand to be the key link between sex and spiritual unfoldment. Orgasm indeed creates subsequent, stormy weather, which makes it *very* hard to hear one's inner guide. And even if one hears it, the guidance seems so...well...wrong, or unrealistic, that it seems silly to apply it.
It's as if our "material plane will" balloons, and seems to be the only sensible voice to listen to. And yet, when one restores equilibrium, the inner voice's wisdom comes in loud and clear. It only seems "imaginary" when we are out of balance (whether we know it or not).
I, too, have been through this back-and-forth many times. And because that sense of connection to spirit is so precious to me (because it helps me see things from a larger, less judgmental perspective), it's a big loss when it temporarily disappears - or at least flickers alarmingly.
Now, Jørgen, I see more clearly than ever, why Long has been so important in your life. You're right that the sense of "surrender" to your inner guidance is very helpful to spiritual progress. Otherwise, whenever the ego-based will gets louder, we nearly always fall into step with it again - or feel enormous, painful inner conflict when we try to resist it. I realize that Long has been/symbolizes that "inner teacher" for you. No wonder you cherish him so much. Such a beloved, trusted guide acts as a reliable compass when the two "voices" are in conflict.
Just to add a bit about my own listening, I believe that there are two keys to the ideal sacred sexuality practice. One is avoiding the mood/perception swings of our passionate mating neurochemistry as much as possible, because they stifle our inner listening. The other is creating a stable union with a mate, because it offers a solid sense of "wholeness." Wholeness makes us much more impervious to longings and ego-manipulations of all kinds. Both of these keys improve our inner listening, and alignment with the divine throughout our lives. Where this process ultimately leads, but I find those transcendental sacred sex traditions very inspiring.... Who knows?
(Nej, Dansk
)
Hi Marnia,
The reason why I stress the importance of Barry Longs teaching about lovemaking as much as I do, is because He conveys fundamental Divine principles/keys that I see as necessary to actually and practically move from sex to lovemaking (unconditional love).
Being a truly God realized Master, Barry Long was one of the few, that actually was able to speak the ”Truth” about sexual Union between Man and Woman and what it involves. Only a Being who has realized Truth (God) can speak from that level of Consciousness that is God.
He is speaking from a place free of illusion, engrams, personal opinions/ideas, mind etc. why He is able to convey the Truth – what is!....Spirit can flow unhindered through his Consciousness and Mind since its pure so to speak.
Having listened to Barry Longs lecture about Lovemaking with assistance of my own Inner Master, have revealed everything I need to know about Divine union between man and woman, so I am now in a place where I don't have any more questions about this subject. I now need to practice and live it.
By asking the question ”Is this true in my own experience?” on all the subjects He address about Divine sexual union between Man and Woman, I have ended up answering Yes! although it has involved a lot of purification, contemplation, honesty and relistening to His lecture to get to this point.
What I'm pointing at is that I firmly believe everyone interested in learning lovemaking can benefit tremendously listening to His lecture since it reveals the ”core” Truths and principles needed for Divine Union between Man and Woman; it also reveals what we are up against.
As I see it listening deeply to Barry Longs lecture is a way to get "faster" on the ”right track” and avoid a lot of unnecessary pitfalls, sideways and pain due to ignorance about what Divine Sexual Union is about and involves. The ”Truth” is to important to ignore.
Blessings
Jørgen
Ps. You are right Marnia – I am living in the country of Denmark in the far North
*shakes head laughing*
OK Jørgen, we hear you! But it does seem to me that until you apply the ideas, you won't know if you have the whole picture or not. Or whether Long did. As you know I still have reservations about Long, despite the assurances of his disciples. (Such assurances bubble from every devotee on the planet, regardless of chosen teacher.)
I have been moved by some of the things Long has written, but when a man has a harem, I can't help sensing that biology is still strongly at work in him, however he may see it.
I also don't like that he makes men "the sole problem," and encourages women to feel victimized. (In my view, women could help a lot by learning how to nurture men safely, and not for the women's own ends.)
Time will tell. In any case, welcome back. Strong opinions are welcome here, whether or not they inspire complete accord.
Those not familiar with Long's work, may find these excerpts interesting:
http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/barry_long_making_love
http://www.reuniting.info/resources/porn_masturbation_addiction/barry_lo...
"safe"?
Marnia, you mention here "learning how to nurture men safely" and elsewhere about being a "safe lover." What do you mean? "Safe" in what way?
Hi Marnia,
I do understand your reservations about Barry Long, because of him being involved with 5 women at once over a period of time. I had too in the beginning before I started contemplating this issue deeper with assistance of my Inner Master.
If Barry Longs lovemaking with the 5 women at once was just for the ”pleasure” of being with 5 women it would be very selfish and unethical in most peoples eyes – mine too. So if Barry Long truly was a God realized Being (Pure channel for the Divine Itself) their must of course be a deeper intent behind this choice of his.
I believe a key here is to understand that Barry Long was a Tantric Master and the first Being to embody and bring back this ”new” way of making love on earth. His most powerful way to assist His student/disciples realize their True Nature (God realization) was through the actual lovemaking where the women came into direct union with the Divine Consciousness he was/embodied. It was first and foremost through union with His Divine Consciousness that the womens Consciousness was transformed and purified, bringing them closer to their own True Nature and God within themselves (The God realized state). That way they became more whole within themselves with no need afterwards, for Barry Long or another man i their life to maintain this Inner wholeness and wellbeing (their state now sustained by their own God within).
Seen from this perspective its not about Barry Long of making love with 5 women solely for the pleasure of it – it was more about ”assisting” these 5 women in realizing their True Nature and God within themselves through the practice of lovemaking, as he taught it.
Reading the accounts of two of the women he made love with it is very obvious (to me at least) that this inner transformation actually happened in them during their period of lovemaking with Barry Long, which is also why His teaching is of interest to me.
As you point out I of course have to apply and live this practice of lovemaking myself, since thinking about Truth (or even understanding Truth) is insufficient to realize my own True Nature and God within myself. I trust my Inner Master will connect me with a woman interested realizing her True Nature as well, when the Divine timing is right.
Blessings
Jørgen
Ps. The reason I point to Barry Longs teaching so ardently is not to start an intellectual debate or to put him or myself in the ”limelight”. It is simply because I believe many of the Truths He shares are needed to be understood deeply in order to ”succeed” in replacing sex with lovemaking. A change that is very much needed here on earth if you ask me.
OK,
CF, by "safe" I meant that women need to learn to connect with men without falling into a manipulative seduction pattern that makes it difficult for both to move toward equilibrium.
Jørgen, I certainly agree that change is needed, and anything that helps with that is welcome. I don't feel as confident as you do about what those women experienced. They should have been allowed to speak for themselves, without Long editing their words, if they were so enlightened by their contact with him. (Do you have a sense of deja vu here?
)
I am happy that Long "speaks" to you, and that you find him so inspiring. I'm by no means discounting his work as a whole.
hmm..
After surfacing from the inner "turbulence" I was in for a short while, I have decided to delete what I communicated in this last post since it actually was more misleading than beneficial.
I will return to Reunited when I have practiced and lived what I understand/know to be true.
Blessings
Jørgen
Jørgen
Your post was fine. No one would be posting here, if we were all waiting to be perfect or to attain ultimate wisdom first. Feel free to put your post back. And, please, continue to share your thoughts.
Hugs,
Marnia
After reading the above...
...I'm off to meditate, cos 'enlightenment' sounds pretty good!