Another eruption..

Submitted by Jkasali on Sun, 2008-11-30 13:28
Community topics: 
porn masturbation addiction

Again, another orgasm today. This time I have no excuses - it was my fault. Perhaps I got discouraged from yesterday, plus I was a bit depressed, and I needed a fix. This lack of control saddens me to no end. And there are people who still do NOT believe that masturbation can be addictive. smiley

Still, my goal remains. I will never surrender to myself until I am frikkin' dead. My goal is 15 days without orgasm, and will never stop until I reach it.

The positive side of this, is that now I have the proof that I can NEVER be caught off guard, at least not now that I am in the middle of the addiction. "Just one picture" or even "Just one thought" can trigger a whole chain of internal & external events that will let me lose control, and I won't allow that anymore.

As soon as I even "feel" something, I will break the pattern by doing something else. Doesn't matter WHAT - even jumping from the chair and clapping my hands while shouting "LALALALA".

Looking forward to FREEDOM! smiley

Comments

Submitted by CuriousFellow on Sun, 2008-11-30 14:40.

You're learning... I have a feeling you will reach your goal pretty soon. Good luck! smiley

Submitted by Jkasali on Sun, 2008-11-30 19:55.

I hope so. smiley

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sun, 2008-11-30 17:34.

to notice that after a slip, willpower decreases enormously over the next days. Seems quite unfair, but that's the way it is.

Here's what another guy wrote recently:

My counting of days suddenly got a whole lot easier as I now am back to “day 1.” Did I invent a time machine, you ask? NO, I just deactivated the higher functions of the brain and let my mammal brain show me its moves. Impressive as they may be, they are not very suited for this semen-retention business. In the aftermath, I can appreciate how much difference these last six days [of abstinence] really have made. My urge to masturbate now is WAY more intense then it was before the "slipup," and my apathy has worsened a great deal. I don't feel like doing my tai chi;, I just want to find some nasty porn and get on with it. All feelings and thoughts point in the wrong direction.

Submitted by Jkasali on Sun, 2008-11-30 20:03.

is mildly consolatory. }smiley

Actually, the need to orgasm was at its peak 2-3 hours after the first, and then it declined. Now I am at the apathy stage, although I am not searching for porn but simply wandering around. I know that I could do something more constructive, but I don't feel to.

Recently the Dalai Lama said that celibacy is the way to go, and that sex is just trouble. From his words I assume he was speaking specifically about the orgasm. Perhaps he visited reuniting [bigsmile]

No wonder the guy always has that contented grin on his face...

Submitted by River on Sun, 2008-11-30 20:07.

when we get a strong craving, and don't have the positive emotion or situation to counter it with...should we run out the door? Jump up and down until tired out? Go swimming? Do some yoga postures? I find that 'engaging' with my mind and trying to reason my way out of the craving is a losing game. Once I enter into dialogue with the mind, it has virtually got me already. (I have a particularly strong and nasty mind).

The problem for me is depression. It takes great strength to lift oneself out of the mire of a depressed mind. Like lighting a fire with damp wood, it's hard work but can be done. I am going to try jumping up and shouting like you said, that actually sounds like a good idea.

'I'

That's the real problem.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sun, 2008-11-30 20:15.

constructive thing you can automatically do when the urge arises? In the book I read on healing obsessive-compulsive disorder a patient who had the tendency to wash his hands all the time chose "gardening" as his thing. So when he felt his hands needed washing, he made himself head for the garden instead.

The beauty of such a solution is not just that it rewires the brain, it's also the chance to get something productive done. smiley Ultimately, you will get so that a genital twitch is not a signal for porn, but rather for whatever else it is you substitute. Imagine that!!!

I realize that you need a "nighttime" activity, too. What about: a yogic breathing exercise, a favorite stretching routine, pet training [get a book on training your cat to use the toilet smiley ], meditation, preparing healthy food, practicing a skill, putting on music, vigorous exercise, recording thoughts in a journal, taking a cold shower ...

So running or jumping up and down would probably work, too, but you might want something even more productive to focus on instead.

*big hug to you both*

Submitted by Jkasali on Sun, 2008-11-30 22:04.

hugs are always appreciated. smiley Looking forward to a real, physical one from a local goddess smiley (well, even an imported one would be ok. smiley.gif" alt="smiley"/>

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sun, 2008-11-30 20:07.

feeling quite devilish. Interestingly, the Dalai Lama also recommends intercourse (with sexual control) as a spiritual practice. Bet you didn't know that, Mr. Smarty Pants!

http://www.lamayeshe.com/index.php?sect=article&id=421

Although I am using this ordinary term, sexual climax, it does not imply the ordinary sexual act. The reference here is to the experience of entering into union with a consort of the opposite sex, by means of which the elements at the crown are melted, and through the power of meditation the process is also reversed.

Submitted by River on Sun, 2008-11-30 21:07.

more inclined to Tibetan Buddhism than the other forms. Now I know why. smiley

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Mon, 2008-12-01 09:00.

for sacred sex. I honestly believe that. Recovery from porn addiction is going to be a great motivator for learning karezza.

Here's why I say that:

Regular sex will tend to remain a trigger, and recovered addicts will do best if they make love in a totally different way. (Can't get much more different than sex without the goal of orgasm! smiley )

Recovered addicts will have to use connections with others to stabilize their recoveries, so they will understand the value (psychological and health benefits) of exchanging mutual affection.

Porn tends to create less fiery erections during real sex, so a non-performance oriented style will be just what the doctor ordered!

So relax. You're on course.

Submitted by River on Wed, 2008-12-03 04:21.

...I can see myself literally running to my meditation cushion to practise...why just do breathing meditation on your own when you can do it together? smiley

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Wed, 2008-12-03 10:18.

the way you think. And best of all, you can combine that joint meditation with actual intercourse...after a bit of practice. Yummy.