Wow. That’s all I can say. What a beautiful day today has been. I feel so strong today. I had a couple urges and turned them down like they were nothing. My mind and body are screaming in excitement! I’m not going to tell myself that everyday will be like this. That would only set me up for disappointment. So I’ll take these days when I can get them and enjoy them to the fullest extent!
I went to an SAA meeting last night. …Made me feel somewhat better to find other people who are in my same boat. Good to see a face instead of a computer screen sometimes. We talked about a lot of things, but one discussion really stuck out. "No sex for 4 months!" OMGWTF!!!!!! When I first heard that I chuckled to myself and shouted OMGWTF!!! :D How could I possibly do that? Me going for 4 months without sex! That’s like telling yourself to not breathe for... well.... you get the idea... Yea, that’s how it would be to me. I can do this. My life with my wife should be more than just sex. I don’t need sex to be happy with my wife. So yea, I can do this.
Also that night was the first time I had such a great talk with my wife. I felt so important! She talked to me about how she is really feeling and has felt for a long time. She trusted me that much to tell me all her feelings and thoughts. She must be so proud of me. Well I know she is because she keeps telling me. It’s good to have her support also. It’s even better than she talked to me. SHE TALKED TO ME!!!! :D What I have missed for so long...
6 years I have been married to her. My life. My sunshine. My best friend. For 6 years I treated her like a hooker. Like a common whore you would find on the side of the street. I used her for 6 years without regard to her feelings. Anyone else who have told me to fuck off. She loves me. I don’t know how she did it. She stuck it out and waited for the day that she knew I would change. How lucky I am. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She has a heart the size of Texas and would give anything to see just one person happy. She doesn’t care who you are, if you’re in need, she is there. Even if you don’t want any help. She will stay there and wait for when you’re ready. So many times I almost lost her. So many times I put this addiction before her. Not anymore...
January 11th is my anniversary. 6 years we will be married. This is the first year that I truly love my wife. It took me 6 years to look past my addiction. Now I can enjoy my wife for her, and not her "assets". So long I have been wanting this day...
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Comments
Joy
No O this year
Glad to see today was better. I've treated my wife pretty much the same and used a lot of porn. It's still in the basement...just in case this doesn't work out. But I am loving the joy and freedom of not seeking the Orgasm. I still oogle my beautiful wife and hug her and kiss her and feel her up and tell she's hot. It's sketchy and I'm new to this...haven't read all the stuff. Your last post seemed like you were beating yourself up. I am an older man, 57, and am no longer drowning in testosterone. I can't imagine a younger man trying this out. God's strength to you. I struggled and tried to quit porn a bunch of times. I'm thinking it's working now because of the joy I feel. Guilt and shame just don't work for me. Give me joy and I'm buying in. What I really like about dropping the porn is those images that come to my head now are of my wife. Again, as an older man my memory isn't so good, so if I don't see the porn I can't recall it. I do see my wife and I fantasize about her and I like it....and I like not being attached to intercourse or orgasm...I like it a lot.
Best wishes and deep satisfaction to you and yours
Aren't you two
just the inspiring gents today???
Thanks for sharing the steps forward. It's important to document the "ups" so when the "downs" blow through temporarily, you can remember what it felt like to be "in the flow."
It's great that you have cooperative sweethearts who love you. Makes the process a lot easier. Anyone who wants to experiment with the Exchanges, should let me know.
Aphro, you're all set to blog, should you choose to: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/bloggers Welcome!
I like your attitude
...dusting yourself off after that last slip and getting right back on the wagon.
I'm just wondering why you are apparently choosing to go without any sex at all for 4 months? That's much longer than needed to get over a porn & MB addiction. It sounds more like you're doing penance than therapy.
Your wife might want sex before four months are up!
I'd suggest doing the Exchanges and move into karezza. Give up orgasms for as long as you like, but you don't have to give up intercourse.