Shopping, thinking and Feeling

Submitted by Soulsearching on Wed, 2009-01-21 07:02
Community topics: 
Addiction
recovery
Self esteem

I feel profound and alive. It is like feelings are now for the first time actually being felt. Felt the way they were supposed to feel. Intense feelings of sorrow, happiness, compassion and anger.

My beloved had lunch with me at the local mall. A short walk, some chit chat, some sharing of feelings, some closeness. She wanted to look at some clothes on sale, but had doubts, i talked her into the shop. There she found nothing and i on the other hand spent 200 dollars ! I can not remember when i actually bought clothes to myself, really nice clothes. I have had the feeling that i was not worthy of spending anything. That i should pay back somehow, by neglecting my needs. I did not realize this until today, but that is how it has been. I felt so ashamed for my behavior in the past that i could not spend anything on myself. Really sad actually. I shared this with my wife and she looked at me with affection in her eyes. Felt good and i am not ashamed today anyway. I am worth it, also it makes me look nice and that is a benefit for her, right ? smiley. She actually told me she liked a sweater so much that she probably had to touch me all the time i am wearing it. I think i need to go change right away.

I thank you all for the warm welcome i have received. Until next time, Take care.

Comments

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Wed, 2009-01-21 08:19.

is that such "little" things begin to give such enormous pleasure, that there's no need to seek for intense thrills (which gradually just desensitize us to *all* pleasure - making thrills even *more* imperative). It's the old "less is more" concept, but it seems unbelievable until you experience it firsthand.

I'm sure you look very dashing. smiley

Submitted by Soulsearching on Wed, 2009-01-21 13:38.

happens frequent right now smiley Just back from a meeting where i only talked about how grateful i am.

I have to be on the watch out here. I always want to focus on the good things in my life which sometimes makes me forget the negative feelings that i naturally also feel. This is a risk for me since the negative hidden feelings might "pop" out in thoughts that threatens my sobriety.

Dashing is a funny sounding word and perfect to describe me smiley

The SLAA saying "Intimacy instead of Intensity" is my leading star.

/ Soulsearching