Site Search
User login
Recent Topics
Google Site Search
Ugh, two dream orgasms in one night
Day 47 of celibacy, about a week since last wet dream. Weird things going on in my body, it seems. I've never had two dream orgasms in one night, and each one was pretty much just the orgasm, no (or very, very little) ejaculative part. It's usually the opposite (i.e. just the ejaculatory part and very little orgasm part). The first one, I tensed the pelvic muscles out of habit, but not the second one. I don't think I've ever had dream orgasms spaced only a week (6 days even) apart either. Ever!
I babysat for Kathy yesterday, and her boy had a cold. So when I came home, I took a hot bath (followed by 
shower) to invigorate the immune system and "sweat it out." This dehydrates me, so I always drink a lot of water afterwards. Probably the full bladder was a big part of it.
I've been doing the brahmachari yoga asanas too. (Interesting aside: I seem to be gaining flexibility faster than before. Is that related to the celibacy or something else? My intuition says it has to do with being more at peace inside, and the celibacy did help with that.)
Update on the last dream orgasm is that though the passion cycle sex cravings didn't return (thank goodness!), I think there might've been the hangover, in terms of emotions, getting a little down and less loving, a crawling into oneself, I guess is a good way to describe it, though on a very subtle level. It passed after several days. Now it seems to be back again, but concurrent with it is a sense of relaxation. I woke up in a sweat, and that means some detoxing was going on during the night. This morning I have that pleasant relaxed sensation that you get after a healing fever breaks (or a cold sheet treatment). This is probably unrelated to the dream orgasms, and I think it's related to a relaxing of nervous/muscular tension in general. From the celibacy? Not sure. My intuition says it's part of it, but also involved are the things that came along with it--the emotional work, the physical stretching from the yoga, and inner peace. I've been doing affirmations about this too, as well as meditations, even before the celibacy, but with little progress until just recently.
I remember the dreams (somewhat) this time. They're kinda embarrassing, but for your entertainment, in the spirit of anonmymity, I will reveal them. The first one, I'd met a girl somehow (can't remember), and we wound up on the floor doing some kind of completely non-sexual, platonic, but physical interaction. Massage exchange, perhaps? A ritual? Just playing? She was dark-skinned (Thai, perhaps? 
), petite with thin limbs. I became aroused. We were both naked, me on my back, her straddling me, and she discovered my erection. "What's this?" she said mischievously, and we started to have sex. The dream orgasm came immediately, and I woke up.
Several interesting things about this dream. First, this isn't the first time I've had dreams about sex with dark-skinned women, and in the dreams, they're very attractive to me. In real life, however, I prefer light-skin. (It's not racist. I like blondes too. I think it comes from being raised in America, which is predominantly white. I'm attracted to the cultural norms and not very creative. Thin bodies, long hair... just basically what this society deems as a basic, attractive woman, but underneath, I'm attracted to the feminine in all its forms. Light, dark, young, old, big, or small, it's the femininity that matters.)
The second interesting thing was the nature of the interaction with this girl. It was pure, without hunger or objectification. The sex just came about naturally without my seeking it--no unspoken motives or plotting. Nothing dirty or kinky or weird. Maybe a slight embarrassment about my erection, but not really. This mental state in a sexual dream is unusual for me.
Usually, I'm somewhat lucid and go about seeking a sexual encounter. I used to try to manifest a hot girl but would usually just grab the first one I found. After I realized the super-ego didn't like me raping these dream women, I started to use my dreams to try and change my approach to women. I'd try to go up to them and talk to them, be respectful, and it never really worked. I wouldn't know what to say and my desire and ulterior motive influenced actions, making me impatient and non-genuine. The dream women generally were patient with me, accommodating, just listening without judgement, and if I clumsily asked for sex, they gave it. I never learned the art of seduction, to summon the woman's own lust. (In real life, I have trouble really believing that women have lust. .gif" alt="smiley"/>. I know they do intellectually, but deep down it's hard to believe it... unless they're obviously slutty, but those women don't like nice guys.) The women let me have sex, sometimes condescendingly but always without really wanting it themselves. The sex was never very good, either. At the moment of entry, the orgasm would come, waking me up.
When I wasn't lucid, and therefore not playing out a conscious sex desire, my sexual dreams would, I think, begin with the sex having already begun, and the woman would just be... well, it'd be like porn, basically. The sex would be better in these dreams, but they were very, very rare.
The difference between last night's dream and these was that the woman was no longer objectified. She was a human being. And we had sex. If that has happened before in my dreams, I don't remember it. I kinda doubt it ever has, sadly. I see it as just a sign of how messed up the society is. It's like I'm split, leading a double life. In waking life, I'm too much of a nice guy and wind up in best friends type of relationships, and thus, the lust comes out in dreams... and then in the pathetic forms I just described. I'm not whole... but if this dream is any indication, I'm getting there!
The second dream was weird. I'm straight in real life, and the idea of sex with other men is repulsive to me. This dream began with something about a comic strip of an alien invasion. Then the invasion turned real, and the invader manifested as a 14-year-old celestially beautiful boy. I think we began to fight, but he gave in to me sexually. We'd been wrestling, I guess, so he was on the ground under me and put his hands behind his back. Between his legs was no penis but a vagina. His hands crossed behind his back and could have grabbed at my privates, so I moved them and entered. Again, instant orgasm, and I woke up.
Like I said, weird. The only thing I can make out of this dream is that it's about how sex and violence are linked at a subconscious level for the masculine. (Reciprocally, for the feminine sex is linked with surrender.) Not necessarily violence as harm or killing but rather simply power and a physical acting out of the need to express power. I suppress this side of me in real life, instead being gentle and loving during sex, so maybe my subconscious is working out this rift through dreams, again working to make me whole. Why a boy, though? And was he really a boy if he had no penis but a vagina? Maybe it was a boy because I associate violence as a male-on-male activity, so this "boy" was a halfway state on its way toward me integrating masculine power back into sex with women? That idea makes sense, and I'm sticking to it!
- Tantra11's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I've been reading Deida and
I've been reading Deida and I don't see him pointing this out that sex and violence are the basic characteristics of male sexuality. I recall him saying perhaps violence wasn't the right word to describe authentic male energy, tho we all know male energy can end up in that form when the dark side of manhood emerges. But then he also points out that both men and women have their dark side. So I think in light of this it would be inaccurate to describe men's essential tendency to link sex and violence while seeing women's essential tendency to be that of surrender. It seems more that (according to Deida's views) the light side of masculinity would be loving presence through penetration (which is not violence or even aggression) and for women it would be radiant expansive surrender to this love, while the dark side of men would be violence and the dark side for women would be the ruthless, destructive Kali type. I'm just very wary of anything that implies men's true nature is to be violent and women's true nature is to surrender to this. If we admit men have a dark side, lets admit women do too, and it can be scary. If we admit men have a dark side, lets not continue to validify that as the full manifestation of manhood just because its undeniably true he has it.
Interesting dreams. It's crazy what you learn about yourself when you pay attention to them, huh? I've had sex dreams with my dad, I've had dreams where I was masochistically whipping another version of myself (I am very "hard" on myself), and I've had dreams of going down on other women, something I've had many opportunities to do in waking life but have felt no "lust" to do.
I can assure you, women do feel lust. Maybe you don't feel this is true because you choose to be in relationships with women who you feel like a friend with.
I think its great that you are noticing how your attitude towards women is changing and reflected in the dreamworld. I noticed the same thing: when I stopped masturbating and tried to abstain from orgasm, many of my sexual dreams started to take on a playful, non-goal oriented quality.
Violence
Violence isn't the shadow masculine but rather inappropriate or abusive violence is. Humankind evolved in a time when violence was more commonplace and appropriate, like when protecting oneself, family or tribe from animals or incursion, as well as hunting or warfare. Have you studied Ken Wilber at all or heard about the concept of Levels and Lines? I think Deida doesn't talk about violence much because it's not relevant to modern times, but I don't think you can talk about the primal masculine without mentioning it. It's just that humanity as a whole has advanced beyond that "Level." (Wilber has a whole philosophical system, linking levels of human advancement to the chakras and divided into different "Lines," as well. It's very interesting and useful as long as you don't lose focus of what's really important in life. (i.e. not philosophy... unless you're a philosopher))
Anyway, I meant "power," not "violence." The dream just happened to be about an alien invasion and the consequent violent struggle, but I agree in that it's not the feminine's true nature to surrender to masculine violence. It's loving presence, like you say, or in other words his strength and power (in non-shadow form).
Also, yes, women definitely do have a dark side. I'm not sure if that's Kali or not... Kali seems like... well, there are good and shadow aspects, I think, to Kali. She's probably a different subject, but I don't think she's the shadow feminine any more than a man who lets himself get walked all over is manifesting the shadow masculine. A woman manifesting the shadow Kali is probably manifesting the shadow masculine.
As for women feeling lust, no, I don't think it's because of that. Once in a relationship with me, my girlfriends liked sex a lot. It's just before that, during the approach phase... I somehow absorbed a hardcore feminism as a child I think, and now can't let go of the idea that making a pass is an insult, something no (non-slutty) woman would ever want. Later, fear of being accused of sexual harassment compounded this. I wish I could let this stupid idea go, but I think it's so tenacious because it might be functioning as a defense mechanism protecting me from rejection. If I stop taking rejection personally, this shadow feminism should fall away on its own.
And yes, interesting dreams! Once, when I was a kid, maybe early grade school age, I think I had what might be my first erotic dream. Freud would be doing backflips, because it was of my mother. Of course, I didn't know what sex was at that age, so the dream imagery can't be called sexual per se, though it's obvious my subconscious MEANT it to be, just lacked the knowledge. (Without getting too disgustingly graphic, it involved less clothing than normal and spreading of the legs.) I woke up with a pseudo... proto... orgasmic feeling in my loins and almost wet the bed.
What do you think your lesbian dreams mean if you have no such desire in real life?
I actually don't know that
I actually don't know that much about Kali, I've just seen images of her depicting her as wild, sometimes crazed and ferocious, and able to cut through illusions. She just came to mind because I don't really have any other images from Western Culture to think of that I can draw on. Here's what Wikkipedia says about her:
"Kali, also known as Kalika (Bengali: কালী, Kālī / কালিকা Kālīkā ; Sanskrit: काली), is a Hindu goddess associated with death and destruction. The name Kali means "black", but has by folk etymology come to mean "force of time (kala)". Despite her negative connotations, she is today considered the goddess of time and change. Although sometimes presented as dark and violent, her earliest incarnation as a figure of annihilation still has some influence. More complex Tantric beliefs sometimes extend her role so far as to be the "ultimate reality" or Brahman. She is also revered as Bhavatarini (literally "redeemer of the universe"). Comparatively recent devotional movements largely conceive Kali as a benevolent mother goddess. Kali is represented as the consort of god Shiva, on whose body she is often seen standing. She is associated with many other Hindu goddesses like Durga, Bhadrakali, Sati, Rudrani, Parvati and Chamunda. She is the foremost among the Dasa-Mahavidyas, ten fierce Tantric goddesses."
Perhaps it is her association with death that leads her to likewise be associated with violence. But death and violence are two very different things. Death is the only way to cut to the ultimate reality, and it is through death that rebirth and reemergence are possible, hence the association of her with a mother goddess. Sometimes ferociousness is necessary to cut through the illusions of ego and stand triumphant above them, dying to them so as to reemerge into the loving embrace of our true nature. Since we must continually die and open again and again to our ultimate reality, we are reckoning with the force of time, and to the extent we're able to keep up this dying process, we are "redeemed in the universe".
I mentioned her as representing the shadow side of femininity to the extent that she embodies this spirit of ferociousness which often requires a ruthless honesty that can be a direct confrontation to the powers-that-be, and thus is a more active and penetrating aspect of femininity, hence largely shadowed. The shadow is the part that the culture deems inappropriate behavior for that sex, which is usually the qualities of the opposite sex - so for a woman, exhibiting behavior that seems masculine would be her shadow feminine, and for a man, exhibiting feminine behavior would be his shadow, like "a man who lets himself get walked all over is manifesting the shadow masculine." But you say "a woman manifesting the shadow Kali is probably manifesting the shadow masculine" - not the shadow feminine. How so? You were also just saying that you didn't think violence was an expression of the male shadow, but a basic aspect of the primal masculine.
There was a time when I was reading some Ken Wilbur with my boyfriend at the time, who's really into him. I think I would have been better off just reading his books - when I checked out his website, something about his self-portrayal sortov creeped me out. Can't quite put my finger on what it is about him that bothers me, but I still think overall his ideas are are pretty cogent, or his ability to synthesize and simplify other philosophies is admirable and has a lot of utility.
On another topic, and to answer your question: "What do you think your lesbian dreams mean if you have no such desire in real life?" I think they are symbols of me loving and cherishing my own feminine. Just as the dream I had of making love to my photography teacher weren't so much about a hidden desire to have sex with him, but a desire I had to make love to the creative photographer in myself.
Interesting that
you say that about Wilbur. I have had a similar, puzzling reaction. The closest I could come to describing it was "too much head and not enough heart," but that didn't quite capture it either. He's obviously a good guy, and a "teammate" on the mission to awaken humanity, but still....
Shadows
I think we have different definitions of "shadow." When I use that word, I don't mean inappropriate but rather a quality that turns harmful even though the quality itself isn't necessarily harmful. So since the feminine is receptive and nurturing, the shadow feminine would be things like codependently taking abuse (shadow receptivity) and/or being an enabler (shadow nurturing).
Clarification on violence: It definitely can be a manifestation of the shadow masculine and usually is these days, but it doesn't have to be. For example, my martial arts training.
I don't know much about Kali either. I think she's a complicated symbol often taken out of the original cultural context. When I first saw a statue portraying her dancing on top of a man, I laughed at the poor guy down there. I thought it was a symbol of extreme masculine strength in a female (like Artemis), which it may very well have been at some point in history. There's an Egyptian warrior goddess like that too who almost destroyed the human race, so it's an archetype found in at least Greece, Egypt, and India, probably world-wide.
Then I learned that the man she's dancing on is her consort, a fellow god. An equal, then, a willing participant in the dance. I can't help but think that a toning down has occurred to reduce what was once a symbol of feminine destruction and rage to something less threatening to the patriarchy.
About Ken Wilber: I agree about the too much head and not enough heart part, and so does Wilber himself. Here's a link to Deida's criticism of him: http://web.archive.org/web/20070102115352/www.bluetruth.org/flex/ken_wil... . Does that flesh out what is only a vague feeling for you guys? I'm tempted to summarize it, but I fear I couldn't do it justice. It's a powerful and inspiring exchange.
Thanks for the insight into what sex might symbolize in dreams. That should help me in my own dream analyses.
David Deirda and Marnia
Did you ever had any conversation? What's his opinion on reuniting.info?
I once
wrote to his organization, asking permission to post some of his information...as a way of introducing my site and material. No answer.
pity , but ok...
if I have the time I will try like "hey you guys, did you EVER hear about this great site reuniting.info and the books of Marnia Robinson? It matches a lot with your ideas but there is even something that you did not find out yet, but she has. It would be great if you'd start some exchange!"
Don't get your hopes up.
Deida
Deida used to be a hardcore, completely pure, all the way, 100%, you name it, holy guy. I don't remember exactly what, but he tried to avoid all bad things. Probably was a vegan, meditated all the time, celibate, etc. He found his proper spiritual path only when he gave all that up, so maybe now, because of that experience, he'd have a knee-jerk reaction against celibacy... or maybe by now (or in the future) he might be ready to revisit doing it right? Who knows?
If I ever go to a seminar of his, though, I will want to talk to him about this stuff. His approach, though, doesn't really get into orgasm or non-orgasm, the mechanics of sex, sexual alchemy, or any of that stuff too much. It's mostly just about masculine/feminine polarity and how that can be used for spiritual growth.
UPDATE ON ME: I'm getting horny. Not too bad, though, and it's easy to resist. However, the recent dream orgasms seem to have definitely reinstated the lustful thoughts that I was free of for a time. (Well, not 100% free of them but the difference was still like night and day... or at least night and dawn.
) Now, well, put it this way... if I had a woman, I'd be a Mr. Octopus. That's probably the best way to describe it without sounding like a lecher. I've always been respectful toward women (too respectful, actually, to the point of seeming un-attracted), but inside, I have normal-man lust, which instinctively wants to just go out and grab a hot young thing and bang her brains out. I'm mature enough that that's not ALL I'd want to do with her, but one some level, that program is operating. Just that other programs are operating simultaneously, like the bonding program, the liking stimulating conversation program, etc. It's an interesting process to watch, as the mating program turns on and off and now back on again. People like to think they're in control, especially of their own self, and especially of their own mind, but it simply isn't true! We're slaves to forces most are dimly aware of, if at all, and yet we all seem to muddle through all right most of the time. What a glorious adventure this life is.
Well, hey...
look around. Maybe there's someone you can conk on the head and drag off to your cave. After all, the purpose of learning what to do with your sexual energy is to USE it. Go get her, Tiger!