first step

Submitted by Seeker on Thu, 2009-03-05 15:14
Community topics: 
avoiding orgasm

I woke up on feb 26th with the thought i will go as long as i can without masturbating. I am not sure why but i had a thought i needed to do this. I made it 4 days without before i found this site. I found this site because i was looking for help cause 4 days without was pushing me hard. Well i spent a good bit of type browsing this site. I had no idea how much there was to learn about my chosen voyage. I read a good bit about other people trying what i was doing and it helped get me through that day and the next. The 6th and 7th day were easy really not stress over it at all and i was felling great. Well then we come to the start of the 8th day then this happened i will past my 7th day post from the forum.

"i made it 7 days without orgasm that's as long as i have gone in 20+ years.

but the start of day 8 went bad. I was getting ready for work and when i went to the bathroom to pee shave and brush teeth something strange happened. I started precuming and could not stop. after and few minutes i started to shiver and shaking out of control like i was having an orgasm. this went on for over 10 minutes just standing there in orgasm. The only thing i could do to make it stop was to finish it off with masturbating.

it was very interesting if disapointing experience. oh well i guess its back to day 1

any insight would be helpful

oh yeah hello this is my first post here. ( hope i didn't have to many errors in a rush and a little upset i failed at 7 days)"

that was crazy ( i write this on the same day if you look up my 7th day post there is a bit more but this is the important part)

now it is time for the next step and this time i hope to make it past 8 days no not hope i will make it past 8 days

a few other things on day 7 i deleted my porn downloads which was a big step i had spent many years collecting that day felt so good i was able to delete it i still do not feel bad about that part at least smiley.

ok that enough for now i will continue to keep updating my journey in hopes to helping others. If the sight will allow i will try to keep a day to day for as long as i can with how i feel and whats happing to me. i guess i should past the 2nd post from my 7th day post on here too it has good info as well.

thank you

ok let me start with thank you.

i have never talked about any of this kind of stuff with anyone so things may just flood out and i get long winded.

ok back a few days...

i did not find this site till my 4th day. after reading a good bit on this site i understood some of the things going on with this addiction.
well everything i read fit. how you feel after orgasm ( still feel a bit funny typing that out). I had not noticed till i stopped how much energy it drains from you. well yesterday was day 7. I could not believe the energy and clarity i had all week a work i was is very good spirits all week.
It was very nice even with the pounding need to release. I could feel how different i was and it was a good feeling. Well we come to this morning and bam it was one of the most amazing things i have every experienced (once it started i could not stop it that still does not help the fact that i did orgasm Sad ). Well after that i made my first post on here Smiling . take a breathe. I now know what this addiction has been doing to me for so long its scary. I felt much the way many people describe. I was week and foggy, fuzzy, did not feel in control (the first part of the week i was felt like i could take on the world) i was a total wreck all day and to tell the truth i took off early cause i just could not take it anymore.
Well more bad on the way home same thing my body went nuts and when i got home i was at it as fast as i could get my close off and sank into that abyss again. oh i not going to lie i made it last a long time and it felt amazing ... until it was over then i felt all that energy loss and the spiraling out of control. whats crazy is i have been experiencing those feeling for 20+ years and until i stopped these past 7 days did not really know it was happening. I guess i just thought it was normal.

ok another breathe

i thought everything was normal now i know for my whole life i was not who i thought i was!?! That is a big WTF. God i have to not go back down that road. I want to be that person i was those 7 days for as long as i can. I know i can do it but i guess i will have to have some release system or something cause as most people on here talk about the withdraw symptoms can be crazy.

ok i have rambled a good bit like i feared.

here is hoping i can start at least another 7 days tomorrow.
thanks for the support and kind words i know i will be post on here a good bit. as i said i have not talked about this before and it seems just talking is at least helping the crash after todays set back.

i know some of the stuff i wrote is disjointed please feel free to ask me to clarify things (that should help me sort my on mind out as well cause its a good jumbled mess for now Eye-wink

see you next time good luck to all

Comments

Submitted by Tantra11 on Thu, 2009-03-05 17:08.

Hey, can you describe more about how you were before and after? (The part about not being who you thought you were.) Do you think you're addicted to porn, not just a casual user?

Submitted by Seeker on Fri, 2009-03-06 03:27.

I am not very good at putting feelings to word (at least i don't think i am and i am not a very good writer) but i will try to keep track as best i can here. To start before trying this i would have never thought i could speak of this to anyone no matter the how or where. The fact that i came looking for a sight for help after 4 days and now talking about it is a big change in me. I think saying i am not the person i thought i was is not quite right but its close. When i say I'm a different person its hard to put into words. I am a very closed person i think is the best way to put it. I could feel not sure how to word it but in just 1 week there was a difference maybe Feel is the word it felt better to be me. I dont have a bad life smiley i have many loving family members we are a close family. I like some of the other people i have read about on this site have had not real relationship with anyone before. So things felt like they were changing and i will try to keep up with it on this site this time.

There is such a flood of thoughts and things in my head i can not get out. I am an ok typist and i can not keep up with my thoughts so i get as much down as possible.

today started the next how long till next orgasm as of now im around 12 hours and already felling better (yesterday was bad as you can read smiley )I really want to know how i will be if i can go 2 weeks 3 a month or more it seems like i will be a different person we will see. (still can not believe i am talking about this.

i just hit on a something maybe im not different its my perception of the world that changed or maybe a combination of both hopefully i will find out in the days to come.
thats all the time i have for now.
later and be safe

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2009-03-06 09:22.

and your thoughts are well worth reading.

I can relate to feeling weird talking about sex so graphically. Believe me, I was the same way. But, quite honestly, the more willing we all are to talk about it and share what we're learning, the faster we'll be able to cut through the confusion and sort fact from fiction.

Perhaps some day, when we're all clear about how our mating and bonding programs work, we can once again find terminology that will convey the reverent side of sex again.

Glad you're feeling better again. Enjoy the roller coaster ride! It's actually very instructive to realize how fast your mood can shift back to "good." Once you see that, it's easier not to take the lows so seriously...even when they feel like the whole world has gone black, and everything is pointless and hopeless. The next day can be sunny again.

Submitted by Tantra11 on Fri, 2009-03-06 12:02.

Yeah, it feels weird to me too, but I think it's a good thing to bring this kind of stuff into the light. It's been kept in the dark because of shame too long, and sex is NOT shameful. What a strange idea if you think about it. Private, yes. Not appropriate to talk about in all situations? Yes. But other times isn't not appropriate NOT to talk about it!