day 10, bored, dulled, but "its like that and its just the way it is."

Submitted by DJax on Tue, 2009-04-07 09:08
Community topics: 
porn
abstinence
arousal
self concept

this is day 10, well now I am really counting the days of abstincence 2 or 3 times day smiley

I am still faithful to my promise.

Instead of surfing the net and ending up at porn sites - I end up only surfing the net until I get seriously bored. last sunday i found so dull and unexciting that i caught myself taking a nap of 2 hours in the afternoon. Life is a bit more dry because the emotional excitement is not there, the excitement i usually got from jacking off.

I constantly forget why i started the abstinence in the first place. my mind says "useless, useless exercise".

In my mind erotic images in which i have invested emotional qualities keep popping up,
but there is no bodily reaction to it. I do not force the connection through physical arousal. I can switch the images away and am surprised that it is easy for me, to do this by willpower. Often I felt at the mercy of these images.

The body is not craving masturbation, but the mind craves it. I do not believe the mind. I allow it to harrass me a bit.

I catch myself looking lustfully after women in a mechanic way. As if I have to do it to reassure myself constantly of my sexual force. But in reality I find it tiring. I am tired of always having to feel arousal. The reality is it is just not there. So what? For years I have not allowed myself to be uninterested in hot women. i have not allowed myself to feel no arousal.

Now I am allowing it and I do not feel being asexual for that.

thank you for reading my stuff.

Comments

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Tue, 2009-04-07 10:31.

that you are most certainly *not* asexual. I remember the first time I read Barry Long's book, and he said, "normal, healthy sexuality in men is to get aroused when actual intercourse is about to take place." Wow! What a concept.

Were all of us sexy folk really that out of whack because we heat up constantly? I'm pretty sure that Barry would have said that younger guys would normally, healthily find a few more erections occurring. smiley Still, it's an interesting benchmark.

Barry Long (Australian tantra teacher) excerpts, for those who may be interested:

http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/barry_long_making_love

http://www.reuniting.info/resources/porn_masturbation_addiction/barry_lo...

And DJax, hopefully some sparkle will be coming back into your life soon from other sources. Men here have described this shift as "the colors coming back."

kurisu's picture

Submitted by kurisu on Tue, 2009-04-07 12:43.

Hey DJax, 16 days was my best run in recent times. Even with that, I started to see some colors come back. Keep up the fight, you're so close!

Chris

Submitted by Helen on Tue, 2009-04-07 13:10.

Keep up the journey DJax - I am sure it will fruit very soon...

Barry long - oh my - when I first came across his work I cried for two days - it was what I had wanted to hear all my life !!