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More withdrawal symptoms (THREAD CLOSED)
Submitted by Marnia on Tue, 2009-04-21 09:58
You may find this earlier discussion of withdrawal symptoms and this one interesting, but please post yours here.
Change
Why is it So Damn Hard to Change
By Rebecca Skloot
http://www.kindredmedia.com.au/library_page1/why_kids_hate_veggies/529/1
Sex as a Health Hazard in Adolescents
Hello, I am an anonymous male teenager who lives in the suburbs. Most would consider me a good student and hardworker with a conservative mindset. Conservative especially in the area of sexuality. My parents were always vitriolic towards anything sexual. I did not even know how sexual reproduction worked until I was 10. I still remember myself on the school bus, denying that the word "sex" even existed.
But things changed when the curse of puberty arrived. I began to abuse myself perhaps 5 days a week. The activity seemed pleasurable at first, but deep down I knew that continuing to "jack off" would be inconsistent with the character qualities associated with a model citizen. The problem was made worse with the social harassment I faced at school. Instead of confronting life's real problems with true courage and discipline, I used sexual imagination as a means of escape.
I'm not officially tied with any religion, but I do believe in the Protestant work ethic and Confucian mindset. Sexuality, honestly, is hazardous but difficult to get rid of. I would start life over again if I could just regain the spirited purity of childhood. People throw praise at the opportunities open to me, but they do not understand my heart of darkness.
I'm starting to get off topic, so I will return to the difficulties of eliminating sex.
Sometime when I turned 11, I became capable of reproduction. That also means capable of m***********. This is no joke. My desire to express myself sexually became strong and quite shocking. This was not the boy who read for hours in the library anymore. I had a faint idea of what pornography was, but no access to it. My computers ran on dial-up. For the time being, I would have to be content with abusing myself in locked restrooms.
Then the homework at school began to rely on printed materials and online research. My Windows98 lagged far behind in speed. My dad ordered a Windows Vista with high speed internet connection. I had recently turned 13, and my parents had been in separation for 3 years. My father the disciplinarian could no longer watch over his loyal son.
Due to the lack of moral guidance, things quickly began to slide downhill. I could go on Youtube. This was fantastic! I ran by some questionable videos very quickly, though. I resisted and hesitated at first, but eventually I gave in to temptation. So I sat there, mesmerized by the first striptease that I had ever seen. I lost my virginity in front of the computer screen that very day. It was a tragedy that I will never forget.
Luckily, my problem with pornography has never escalated beyond anything "softcore." I was content with simple teases and nudity. This of course is not a justification. I was simply too shy even behind the screen to see anything shocking. All pornography is degrading in nature, even if it's just women in revealing clothing. I have done nothing to deserve the pleasure of those various women. To see them with lustful eyes is to see them as objects.
I haven't looked at porn for 4 months. I don't really want to since it damages my self-esteem. People at school have always said, "Only desperate people look at porn." I don't want to be condemned as desperate. I want to be an upright citizen. I did not experience any withdrawal symptoms while quitting softcore pornography. But the story of masturbation is entirely different.
Eventually, I felt very humiliated for "jacking-off" 5 days a week. Every time I did it, it brought a fearful euphoria. It felt pleasurable, but there was something sinister to it. I began to cut back masturbation to two times a week, and then once a week. Things were looking good until my mental illnesses started developing.
Actually, I have always been depressed and emotionally unstable, but my withdrawal from orgasm made it worse. I should've never started masturbating in the first place. Healthy outlet- what utter nonsense! Masturbation only covers up depression for a while and then makes it worse when you try to quit! The medical books should stop describing it as a safe "outlet for pent-up frustration." They don't mention that you have to masturbate periodically to keep in good spirits. I don't want to jack-off once a week; I hate giving in to desire. Self-discipline and self-control are very important to me. ALL I WANT IS MORE CONTROL OVER THIS PRIMITIVE DESIRE.
I began missing more days of school and making more visits to the doctor. I began to hallucinate and feel psychotic. My depression worsened to the point where I demanded to be medicated. I began to write out confessions in my journal and cry in public. I was no longer a functional part of society. Yet the doctors said I was fine. That I needed more sleep, that I needed rest, that I needed to eat, that I needed to stop taking aspirin and caffeine pills to fight pain. I'm not sure if these were the side-effects of withdrawal or a more serious mental disorder.
To this day, I don't know what to make of the "once a week" policy. I'm pretty sure it worsened my agitation and even resulted in some of my bipolar behavior, but to what extent? I've always had issues with obsessive thoughts and actions. I am a perfectionist. I sometimes have urges to harm myself or to "test my will" when I'm around the stove or sharp objects. And yes, this issue of eliminating sexual desire has driven me suicidal at times.
Starting today, I'm going to go cold turkey. No matter what it takes, no matter how much bloodshed, I will regain control over my life. Orgasm is a drug, and I will not allow myself to be a drug-addict. It is insulting to my conscience and a thorn to my self-esteem. My duty is to serve society as enthusiastically as I did when I was a child. Let my descent into darkness be a cautionary tale to anyone who even thinks about embarking on the path of carnal desire.
I don't know if you are for
I don't know if you are for real or not, but if so, I doubt your plan is going to work as stated. If you tell yourself that all sexual behavior is evil, dirty, carnal, etc., then you are just setting up a battle for yourself. The fact that you think of masturbation as forbidden has the effect of making the act that much more thrilling, and therefore addictive. Additionally, repressing sexuality entirely without channeling that energy elsewhere, whether it's just into work or spiritual pursuits, is just a way of making your life more difficult.
Also, quitting masturbation won't necessarily solve problems in your thinking. There are kinds of therapy that would probably help you more. Please consider that masturbation is just your brain looking for relief. The real self-abuse is beating yourself up and expecting yourself to be perfect, and that is what you need most to cut back on.
We've been learning
from the men who visit this site that *companionship* and *friendly interaction* with others are the most soothing activities for anyone trying to restore balance.
Instead of fighting your sexuality, why not seek balance other ways: prayer, meditation, exercise, time in nature, service...and above all companionship, as mentioned above?
Sexual desires are not *evil*, even if they are a bit...rambunctious...at times. Try thinking of your sex drive as a sort of magnetic force, there to connect you with the loving, comforting companionship of a mate.
Some believe that our sexual, or life force, energy is also what fuels our connection with our Creator (as we learn to express it through our hearts), because sexual desire is both our desire for physical union and our desire for Union with the Divine. In any case, without this longing for wholeness, you could easily get stuck in your own ego forever.
We'd all like to be "perfect," whatever that means to each of us. But I've come to believe that perfection is not possible without unconditional love for ourselves and others. This means loving ourselves even when there are things we hope to change. (Have you read "Addiction & Grace" by Gerald May, MD?)
In other cultures, people train from an early age to draw their sexual desire upward and use it for spiritual purposes. You weren't taught these skills. You might want to experiment with some of these exercises to see if they help you move your sexual energy in a helpful way. http://www.reuniting.info/node/2011
Just trying to "batten down the hatches" more tightly is unlikely to work. Sexual energy is beautiful and dynamic. Keep asking for help in how to balance and work with it. Pray and listen...rather than trying to make up your own mind about how to handle this challenge. Your way isn't working.
Trust that you could be learning more than how to manage sexual energy. You may have to learn a whole new, more loving, way to treat yourself and your body - as well as a whole new focus on connecting more compassionately with your fellow humans - in order to find a comfortable balance.
Let us know how you get on.
*a big hug*
I spent a day in my home library.
I like to write, and I see writing as a productive outlet. I know that brute force is inefficient for any type of problem solving, but I use it for a lot of issues. The net gain is large despite the net losses being large as well. But I also want to learn from people older than me. The most prevalent advice that I hear is "change your way of thinking." So I am going to try that.
When I was very young, I was overweight and lacked confidence. My dad was also overweight and suffered numerous health problems because of that. But he was also a workaholic who had great willpower. Within 2 months, he shed 20 pounds and could start doing pushups with ease. I began to follow his example. I weighed nearly 90 pounds in the 2nd grade, but I jogged my way down to 70 pounds. I use to love eating deserts, but now I have a healthy fear of them. I know when to stop and eat the oatmeal.
Remembering the days of my "diet," I adopted a new view on sexual deviancy. It is a health problem much like binging on sweets and trans fats. In my library, I read more about psychiatric science and rationalized that if I started to masturbate again this month, it would trigger a depressive state. That scared the bejesus out of me. I was also very excited about rooting out the problem. Normally at this time of day (about 4:00 P.M.), I begin to get very sleepy because of mild narcolepsy, so I took a power nap.
Through a book about the EEG, I learned the people began to drift into a distinct brainwave frequency the moment their eyes close (alpha waves are reduced; if they don't, then that might indicate psychosis). It is also when control over sexual imagery is reduced. The lesson there: If I begin to think about sex, then I just stand up and tell myself to calm down.
In general, problems are easier to solve when cold reason is applied to them. So if premarital sex and autostimulation are likely ways to disrupt the brain chemistry, then it follows that I should not engage in them for the risk of damaging my overall health. That works.
By the way, my index finger is nearly as short as my pinky. There is a huge discrepancy between index finger length and ring finger length. This may be an indication of testosterone exposure in the womb. So called "experts" say that I am predisposed to analytical behavior, but that says nothing about me being here. I strongly oppose biological determinism. Just because I am male does not give me the tendency to be lascivious.
You sound a lot better
Whatever you're doing is giving you a sense of hope. That's great.
I think reason is useful, too. But I also think there's room for divine inspiration. Be sure to keep asking. The answers will show up.
Being male may not make you lascivious, but you guys *do* have to deal with 10-20 times as much testosterone as we do. (Our hormones make us horny, too, though, particularly around ovulation.)
My point is that you need to be gentle with yourself. You're not a machine. Mating is very high on your subconscious agenda, like it or not. Through the ages people have found lots of ways to stay in balance given this challenge...but it takes some doing.
How's your social life, Slim?
*a big hug*
Hi Puritan,
It sounds like you are very strict with yourself, hold yourself up to very high standards, etc. Even your user name, Puritan...
If you buy into a moral code for yourself that you can't live up to, that is a recipe for misery. I've been there... When I was a teen (and well beyond), I lusted after women's bodies, just like any red-blooded male. But at the same time I had bought into the idea that it was disrespectful and "wrong" to regard women as sex objects. Much misery and confusion followed from that internal conflict.
Sexual urges are a natural part of being human. I hope you will learn to forgive yourself for being human (as I did in my late 20's).
About quitting masturbation... I don't think anyone on this forum is going to condemn you or think less of you if you slip or decide to give up that goal. *IF* you choose to pursue that goal, I hope you do so for yourself, because you want certain benefits that (might) come from that. Some examples of possible benefits include:
- Learning or increasing self-control. (Actually, it sounds like you have a lot of determination and self-control already.)
- More energy / feeling better physically. (Orgasms seem to drain some energy.)
- Less distraction from horniness. I've found that the craving for orgasm gradually fades away starting about four days to a week after my last orgasm. Since I have ADD, I really enjoy not having that distraction. When I gave up having orgasms, I also stopped taking ADD meds, and I am doing quite well without them.
- Other people have reported other benefits apparently related to giving up orgasm, such as getting over alcohol addiction, depression, and I think even bipolar disorder.
Anyway, *IF* you choose to give up masturbation, I hope you will approach it as a fun (or at least, "interesting") experiment, and just see how you like that lifestyle. I hope you don't approach it as something you "have" to do.
You can find a lot of advice on this site about how to get over that addiction. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. Please keep in touch.
Recently Just Went Cold Turkey...
I'll just start off by saying that this is a great website for people looking to recover from addiction to porn. Reading other people's experiences with this is somehow comforting...
I have a similar story to user Jkasali (although sadly it looks like he's not around any more, it would be interesting to see what progress he's made as his situation seems very similar to my own). I have now went completely cold turkey and I'm on day 10 now, after being quite heavily into porn for many years. I had access to an internet connection from my early teenage years and I've just recently turned 26. I started off in my teenage years using the internet to get pictures of nude celebrities. That then escalated into softcore porn and gradually into hardcore and a kind of obsessive tendency to maintain a pretty large collection of scenes (I would also go to great lengths to hide that collection from anybody who used my computer). I was still able to get off using softer stuff, but I definitely got into more harder stuff as my collecting continued...
Over the past year or so I haven't used as much, as I moved out of my parent's house and shared an apartment with 3 other people, so the opportunity to masturbate while looking at porn wasn't as great as it was much harder to hide the act in such a small space, and it was rare that I would find myself in the apartment on my own. But I've recently now got my own apartment so there are absolutely no restrictions with respect to that, so in a way it's actually going to be harder to give up now, but I'm determined... I've completely wiped every piece of pornography that I had saved.
I've had many of the withdrawal symptoms mentioned by other people (depression/anxiety etc.), but I've also noticed something that's of much greater concern to me than any of those things, something that I'm surprised hasn't been mentioned too much by any of the other users. I've twice recently hooked up with a very nice girl (she is amazing both looks wise and personality), but I had a great deal of problems maintaining an erection that was good enough to have sex. Whilst being into porn I was already exercising regularly (and still do, I go running 5 times a week), and I've had myself checked out by a doctor (had my blood tested for testosterone levels etc., the doctor said that everything was normal), so I'm pretty reassured that the ED is not a physical issue. I'm pretty much convinced that the ED is due to being desensitized by porn, and the real thing just isn't as stimulating to me. I can only hope to god that this problem is reversible and that years of abusing porn hasn't destroyed my ability to have loving sex if I can eventually become involved in a real relationship (if I'm honest, for my age, I'm pretty inexperienced with sex and relationships, never had a long term girlfriend as of yet).
I have no intention of giving up masturbation (although I will do it a more healthy amount now, 2 or 3 times a week max). In fact, I think that it's going to be key to my recovery in getting me back to normal. I masturbated last night (after 9 days of going without that or porn) without the aid of porn and found it very difficult to get a full erection using only my own mind to stimulate myself (and that involved not thinking of hardcore porn). Again I just have to hope that this might return to normal given time, I need to practice getting myself stimulated without porn. I've read other forums where people who've had this problem after too much porn have returned back to normal within a month, but then others saying they've gone on many months without porn and not returned back to normal...
So yeah, that's my story. I now wish that I had never looked at any porn now, it's going to be difficult, but I'm determined to never go back to it.
It definitely helps to have a place like this to go and talk about it...
Welcome, dw
I've enabled you to blog, if you would like to.
I think porn-related erection problems are not at all uncommon, but fortunately the solution is simple
The reason most people quit masturbating in addition to porn (at least initially) is that the two things are cross-triggers for each other in the brain. For most people with a porn addiction, any masturbation will throw their brain chemistry out of whack enough to cause porn cravings eventually. It's kind of like an alcoholic walking into his favorite bar. But anyway, let us know how it goes.
Thanks for sharing your story, dw
I can relate to the obsessive collecting... I had quite the "archive" at my peak.
I have experienced similar ED issues with women. Ahhh, live and learn...
Thanks for the responses...
thanks, to both Amari and daventryHero.
I read your full story on your first blog post, daventry, and there were also a lot of things that you said there that I could definitely relate to. I also had quite a large collection but I got rid of that a few months ago. Any time I 'used' since then, I downloaded something on demand then deleted it in disgust immediately after getting off to it. Full scenes are so easily available from various sources now, I didn't feel as much of a need any more to maintain a collection... I don't know if that's actually a good thing though considering it means that I could so easily pick it up again if I wanted to...
I think I'll probably also try completely abstaining from masturbation for a while. How long do people generally go? From what I've read it's pretty healthy to masturbate (obviously I mean a healthy amount, without porn) and actually just having erections helps to maintain testosterone levels (you can tell that this ED experience has really screwed with my head
, but so far, it's been my main inspiration for not relapsing).
I might consider starting a blog once I've passed the 2 week mark, which will be this Friday.
On healthy masturbation
You should keep in mind that this website advocates something entirely outside of the mainstream, that is, abstaining from orgasm *even during intercourse in long term relationships.* In fact, the original purpose of this site was to investigate the neurological and spiritual aspects of relationship harmony, and had absolutely nothing to do with pornography addiction or recovery. Of course, people have brought a lot of other issues and opinions here, which are not unwelcome in any way.
So, having said that, while (hardly) anyone here is a proponent of the "masturbation is evil/sinful" idea, a lot of people don't subscribe to the "masturbation is necessary and healthy" idea either. For example, testosterone levels (and testosterone receptor levels) show some interesting fluctuations following orgasm in men, but most of the evidence we have shows that levels are actually *higher* after a few weeks of abstinence. There are men on this site who have gone weeks or months without ejaculating at a time, and I'm pretty sure they will tell you they end up having erections from time to time whether they actually masturbate or not [bigsmile]
As far as how long people usually abstain for, unfortunately it seems to take a couple of *months* of abstinence for the worst cravings of a porn addiction to clear. Fortunately, if you get benefits from abstaining, you'll probably start to see them much earlier than that. I think most people set a couple of weeks as their initial goal and then decide from there, but obviously you should use your own judgement.
ok, thanks. I guess I've
ok, thanks. I guess I've probably missed the more general philosophy as I stumbled across the site when looking for info specifically geared towards overcoming porn addictions.
The idea of completely abstaining from orgasm is certainly interesting but I don't know if it's the way that I'd want to live my own life...
I'll certainly try it for a while on the path to ridding myself of porn anyway.
I liked your comment,
I liked your comment, Although you may or may not agree with me.
I like that people can open up and have a place to discuss these topics.
In some instances I am concerned with how much weight some may put on others opinions.
If one believes that he or she would be better off not masterbating, I would hope he or she would follow their own belief, maybe even if the person giving out advice is correct.
Over my life I have struggled within my own mind to overcome and understand my inabilities and weaknesses. Basically I made the most progress when I did less thinking and just strengthend my resolve to stick to something.
It took many years to come to that conclusion, and I still struggle.
as hard as it might be, it is important to have respect for oneself and to not dwell in dissappointment.
I'm new to this site and was surprised to find a site related to T&
that basically revolves around sex.
I'm under the belief that sex was a creative power to be transformed to another purpose, that attraction to another sex was a physical manifestation of the unity that exists between feeling and desire which exists in triune selves in the realm of permanence.
I dont believe sex is evil or that everyone should commit to trying to abstain from it, and it surely is
difficult if you have ties with a partner that doesnt share in your ways.
I surely have no mastery, but hope we all would use this power wisely, in a way that would move us forward in our progression.
Welcome!
Feel free to blog if you like. You're right that no one should experiment with alternatives except if they do so with a sense of adventure, and of their own free will. (That said, sometimes porn addicts seem to benefit from an extended period of time of abstinence to *regain* their freewill. THEN they can freely decide!
A girlfriend insisted I buy "Thinking and Destiny" many years ago. It was fascinating, and I did see strong parallels with what I was learning. Time will tell....
Sorry your partner doesn't share your views. That must be tough.
Novelty on demand
The on-demand issue is very real. Novelty is invariably one click away. The problem will keep getting "worse" as the quality and availability of the material improves and increases. Even HD porn will be free and instantly available soon.
I don't think
any of us would have thought learning to make love without orgasm was a good idea...without learning more about the alternative, and the hidden neurochemical effects of orgasm on the brain (and indirectly on the harmony of relationships). I certainly wouldn't have.
The goal, however, is balance whether you're trying to unhook from porn, or learning to make love in a way that keeps you feeling centered and loving.
In any case, be optimistic that you can reverse the situation. As you deny your brain one set of familiar rewards...it gradually, and with a lot of resistance, begins to wire itself up for new rewards...like sex with real women. As this happens your responsiveness will change. So don't be discouraged if you don't "feel it" now. The brain is always learning and adjusting.
And don't be afraid that anything bad will happen from forgoing masturbation for an extended period. You can always make up for lost time later, once your brain chemistry is back to equilibrium.
Welcome!
5 days.....
Just found this and wow what a
concept. Ok here is my deal, I have been watching porn since I was 12....been hooked on it since. Would watch it once as day maybe every other day, I have decided eight years later that it is time to stop. I never "wanked" it and missed a social event or work or anything like that, It was in my free time when I had nothing to do Or i was bored and the brain was well "wanting" i guess you can say. So this is my fifth day and all I can really say is that I have experienced some withdrawal symptoms from not masturbating but not that much....I get urges at times but just think of something else and count to ten. I really want to stop, and to be honest i have NEVER (maybe once...) made it to 5 days!! It's sad but an accomplishment, I want to go on for a month and beyond. The only type of symptom is strong urges, feelings, and an erection. But i try not to "touch" and just leave it alone! I will keep you guys updated thanks so much for this forum!!!
Welcome!
Your situation sounds pretty mild compared with some. Hopefully, you'll be able to recalibrate without too much misery.
I've enabled you to blog, just in case you want to keep your thoughts in one place. (No need to, though.)
Withdrawal seem more obvious over time
I have to agree with all the symptoms I've read from other posters. I experienced a number of them. However, since I had an orgasm on Saturday, this Monday I came to a realization.
The symptoms are more acute over time. Or rather, you notice them more clearly the more often you abstain from orgasm. The first time I abstained from orgasm, I had a lot of prolonged symptoms of withdrawal. It was a great effort over a period of two months. This time, just one day was like a real terror. But as I thought about it, I guess it's not that the symptoms got "worse". It's just that in the past I never really noticed, or rather, had no comparison to put it up against. All I knew was hunger and yearning, so to ignore the first time around, while difficult, didn't feel impossible. Just uncomfortable.
Now that I'm more "awake" and not constantly drained, the second day after orgasm felt sort of nightmarish. My mind was screaming for me to give up the whole thing, look up porn, do something else. And it's been two and a half months. And then today... I feel more normal again. But yes, this time, I was far more aware of how the withdrawal felt, whereas before, I think I might have been too habituated to really notice anything other than discomfort.
Interesting.
Would you say
you're bouncing back more quickly?
I agree that once you get used to feeling clear and "in the flow," it's really uncomfortable to deal with inner storms again. But somehow knowing clearly what caused it is a big improvement over just feeling like the world is a dark cave.
Yeah. The recovery time is
Yeah. The recovery time is faster. It's only been three days now, and today I feel far less bothered. The first 2 days were very challenging, and I guess I just sort of "forgot" what it has always felt like.
So while I'm pretty sure the rough part is pretty much over and I can get on with the normal programming... it was a very highly tempting 2 day detour.
The mind is an interesting thing. I was coming up with more excuses than I think I ever have before. Barely made it. Good times. :0)
Congratulations
on a close shave!
*big hug*
Sorry
I should not have posted that.
thank you for sharing your story.
I do not see it in my current state but I am sure it will help me in the future.
Obsession,
drama, and deep heart-ache at about day 10 for the woman I cannot have
*sigh*
You've heard it before...but it will pass. Remember the timing, and know that in a few days all will look different.
You've heard it before
but I think you are awesome. Your kindness and generosity is inspsiring.
From a personal message:
Your gifts are appreciated.
Now at day 17 it has passed. I could only write this AM because it had, for a couple of days now, been gone. The ODH-A was really intense and IMPOSSIBLE to see through.
My niece was at Heartwood the last 4 days that Gary was there. She said his reputation was outstanding and was disappointed she wasn't able to study with him.
withdrawals
Becoming aware of the withdrawals has really opened my eyes to what I am actually dealing with, and over the year or so that I have been trying to keep track, has helped me to have some relief and sanity. Even though it feels like Ive spent more time in acute withdrawals lately, I am glad to know that there is a method to this madness and I have a clear idea of how to treat it. To be honest, I really feel that I have no other choice but to proceed through the withdrawals because prolonging them by my old habits doesnt even seem to work! I am miserable if I act, I am miserable if I dont. My self medicating is less and less potent now. It hardly works, maybe an hour or two after watching porn, then its back to having a headache.
Yes, the more you observe,
the more you realize that short-term "fixes" just make the problem last longer. That may be annoying information
, but it beats feeling like lightening is striking you all the time for no reason!
re-focus
First time posting and first time blogging, so a little nervous but here goes-
Thanks for this inspiring website, found after much searching. Marnia you feel like a distant friend already and I have read so many inspirational comments from so many. Also love the Wisdom section and already trying Lao Tsu's raising the energy up through the body.
However, lapsed on day six, should have been alert to the signals you guys have posted. Back on day two now and striving for two weeks. Grateful for any support but already thinking about this website and sharing with fellow sufferers, rather than looking at stupid 2 D images.
Welcome Live!
You're all set to blog if you want to start your own thread.
Thanks for your kind words.
Endure
Really benefitted from your words Dirtyangel on miserable if acting out the habit, miserable if I don't. I can see now that its a no win situation in trying to sustain a balance between abstaining then getting sucked into the spiral of self indulgent fantasy. Guilt, shame, spiritual journey halted once again, as well as the physiological, anger, anxiety, depression- can i live without the fantasy and temporary highs?
It's a rollercoaster ride which I want to just get off of now. I am in the 'latter half' of my life and firmly hold to the view, as Jung expressed, that in this phase one should embark upon an interior journey.I am very fortunate in finding a spiritual path and a wise teacher, but this website is going to prove crucial.
So day 3 after relapse, aiming for day 7, which was one better than at first, then press on to two weeks. First time since the age of eight, seems life times ago, as this rollercoaster ride carries me to temporary peaks then long troughs.
I'm thinking
that trying to stop using porn didn't work for me.....failure after failure....until I made "stop seeking orgasm" as my goal.
I love the insights Jung gives us and the support and this space Marnia provides.
Many blessings on us all
Yes I sink back to porn when
Yes I sink back to porn when I hit that point of masturbation for orgasm. The couple of times I was just releasing sexual energy and doing masturbation without fantasy or the goal of orgasm I did not view porn. I did reach orgasm but it was not the "goal". I do not know how to word the difference. It is just when I snap and my goal is orgasm rather than just masturbation I hit the porn sites. I had not really thought of it that way till I read your post. Well I guess I had thought of it but was not "aware" of it.
No compromise
I have been fooling myself in trying to sustain a compromise between not using porn and just going for orgasm, limiting the habit then returning quickly when confronted with the all pervasive triggers that bombard our modern life. I can hear Marnia saying "it's the dopamine stupid,"that temporary rush from the orgasm that's addictive. So whether its fantasy fuelled or simple climax, I know for me there's no compromise.
so day three after a relapse at day six, trying this time to get to 7, then on to 2 weeks. first time from the age of 8, so feeling very strange, but grateful others are on this journey.
Jung and the 'interior journey' beckons, that's the purposeful substitute for me-maybe this time i really mean to start it
*chuckle*
It IS always the dopamine...you're right.
And I'm firmly of the view that there are some amazing angels tangled in the porn web. It's so great to see frequent glimpses of your true shimmer...in the form of those higher aspirations.
Sorry about the mush.
Wow it seems hard but i think ive past all this
Sounds like some similiar effects i had when i was younger but not so bad anymore. It really does seem like western culture has made things this way obviously i guess seeing attractive women wearing something revealing or or even without clothes completely but its seemed to be when were not really doing all that we can and just not really filling up our schedules or keeping busy these things build up i havent had drug addictions but im sure you would see similiarities.
I know it was the time where i had the most stress that started this for me. Since i was almost 10 when my parents fought and separated and only later realized what they did wrong it... yah thanx dad i found all your magazines...... and now its even more severe after my father passed away at 12 1/2 Ive had a sex addiction its just over 7 years now and its been everyday Only reason i can really say this is because its takin people/society entirely to long to reaIize these things well the whole sex addiction and really its societies creation and the fact its embarassing especially with social standards. I cant stand more than 12 hours without some outlet. Sex was a big thing too i mean i think i felt some guilt already and being with woman made it all the worse maybe things like thinking of having a child prematurely or getting sick was a big factor or the fact i dont think anymore im bound to make a mistake and ive made alot, i couldnt really have a meaningful relationship well beyond sex.
My father died of a heart attack at age 49 about october 19, 2005 - I thought id say something about him. He grew up in a foster family that apparently was abusive his father died of a heart at age 40 but only after leaving him as a child and starting a new family and his mother couldnt take care of him so he was locked in this and he developed a drug problem and finally found himself stealing to support it ended up in jail had a major car accident causing major lacerations to his neck requiring a blood transfusion and with this and now hepatitis C and heart problems from such a lifestyle he had 3 heart attacks ending on the third nobody is stronger than that especially that he changed in the end but he couldnt change more i cant lead a life like that it would kill me to have a son i couldnt take care of or lead his life like i have its just too much.
You see it was like guilt or something I had too. but it was clear too i am like my father and i bet with possiblity in him passing along genetics i got the whole 50% as he does. Were both very similiar big guys too i guess or at least were we had a problem with weight loss and i knew he had the same problem ontop of drugs and all that he had it much worse.
The hard part with this is the severity to which it deters ones health, things are fine now its been like my body has completely adjusted i had many symptoms but were never too bad i know depression was big thing but it was the changing and the fact nobody in my life was any the wiser. Ive looked alot into it and it is so much better to stop but i suppose id have to make the choice. I already had an extremely active metabolism and relatively high levels of testosterone and i think that kept me going through because of my diet Oh and im dutch! but it is balance thats key this has destroyed alot i know for one i had to quit school and sports to keep my health and eat and eat with balanced diet but its still not good for one the hormones created in orgasm especially epinephrine in the blood causes high blood pressure on top of my already so called naturally high blood pressure like my Dad and its also what im addicted to and I wanted to end my life with a overdose was really stupid really but thats what this does it clouds the mind and i dont think quite as fast and my thoughts are more incoherant. Im slower but heey none of my friends or teachers could ever solve some more complex algebraic expressions in their heads i remember finding all the consecutive integers even being stupid =/ whatever this does to brain chemistry it effects memory but id guess any environmental factors do so.
Anyway nice to see people are doing well with these things and are finding a way out of this its really terrible and finding balance, after 7 years everyday 1-5 times consecutive occurences of my own guilt i think im too used to this to stop. I used to think all this was stuff was immaterial to my life but your experiences do keep me going I can relate to this stuff
Hi
I took out your name. We try to stick to nicknames here.
However, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Addictions to substances or activities are attempts to "self-medicate," that is, to control our mood by force when we feel rotten. Sounds like you have plenty of reason to want to do that.
I'm glad you're willing to make the effort to return your brain to balance. Contact with friends is very important, online and with real people. What other healthy things can you do to furnish a sense of well-being? Time in nature? Exercise? There are whole lists here, if you need them.
Start a blog if you like. Good luck on your journey.
My story...
I’m a 32 year old and have been masturbating continuously from the age of 14 on an average of 6 - 10 times weekly. This comes to a total of between 5630 – 9386 over 18 years!!! As you can imagine, I have become addicted to masturbation which eventually led to pornographic masturbation.
At first, masturbation was just an enjoyable act I enjoyed whenever the urge arose. But as the years went on the acts became more frequent. At the age of 17 I suffered from my first serious panic attack. I battled for some time to come up with the correct diagnoses as doctors tested me for everything except anxiety. I have since realized that anxiety is very common and that there many people that struggle with the illness. Four years after my first panic attack I went to see a psychologist, against my will due to the stigma around it and the fact that I may be called “crazy”…
Funny enough, the psychologist called the symptoms in the first 2 minutes of the session to the finest detail. I was then “diagnosed” with anxiety and was put on Aropax. It is a selective inhibitor of serotonin which balances the deficiencies in my body. The Aropax worked for me but I eventually struggled with the side effects of the product, becoming extremely aggressive.
I then made the decision to seek other ways of combating my anxiety; positive thinking, religion, exercise, minimizing career stress and “unknowingly” excessive masturbation.
It has been 9 years since I last took medication for my anxiety and haven’t experienced any severe panic attacks since.
What I’ve notably experienced was an increase in masturbation activities. It was only until recently (last 3 years) that the masturbation has become excessive. Like a craving or an addiction. This was when I realized it was becoming some sort of addiction but when I read up on it everyone, including doctor’s notes, it was stated to be harmless; and in my opinion they’re right. It is obviously normal since God or nature (depending on which way you see it) has intended us to make use of our reproductive organs. Although, and this is where I disagree with many, excessive masturbation will lead (eventually) to a chemical imbalance in your body which it becomes depended on. It becomes like a drug. A “feel good” drug.
My mother always told me that anything that is “too much” is not good for you. Even something good; e.g. running is good for you but overtraining is not.
This is the same with masturbation. The body becomes in the habit of using chemicals such as serotonin (Much like using Prozac in the end). Now the more you stress and the more your body craves the serotonin. The problem is that the masturbation also causes fatigue. It becomes an evil cycle and eventually you get to a system crash where I’ve just recently been. Although, I’m not going to blame excessive masturbation alone, it has contributed. I have to date not masturbated for 15 days, the longest period of time I have been without orgasm over the past 18 years!!! Yesterday I experienced flu like symptoms which I suspect is due to the withdrawal symptoms. Here are some more of the withdrawal symptoms I’ve experienced.
Symptoms:
1. Extreme exhaustion
2. Restless sleeping
3. Muscle aches & joint pains & fever (flu like) - day 15
4. Mild disorientation
5. Tension on the chest / tight breathing
6. Anxiousness
The thing is, I am an above average attractive man and continuously get invites from attractive ladies to have sexual intercourse but I have no desire to do so (not trying to be vain, just honest). This is when I realized that I had an addiction because I always thought I was just very sexual. But if this was the case, why didn’t I ever have the urge to sleep with these ladies? They turn me on but that’s that. Only to end up masturbating at a later stage.
I am now married and love my wife and want to continue staying with her, although, as you can imagine our sex life have not been what I would call great. And this is greatly due to the excessive masturbation. I have now quit masturbation in an attempt to rekindle our sexual relationship which I know will take a lot of effort. The bad habits of not having normal sex are already in place…
It’s been 15 days and I’m determined to stay away from masturbating / pornography forever!!! I have a wife to enjoy sex with and will hopefully have control over my urges soon. DOES ANYONE KNOW FOR HOW LONG THE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS LAST +-?????
Anyway, good luck to everyone struggling with the same “disease”. If it wasn’t addictive and harmful (physically / psychologically) then why are people looking for a way out and why do we experience withdrawal symptoms????
See you at the end*
This is something interesting that I’ve taken off the net:
“Masturbation Relieves Stress. Masturbation releases serotonin, the
"feel good" hormone which causes us to relax and feel better.
Masturbation Induces Restful Sleep. For many centuries, native
cultures in Hawaii and elsewhere have used masturbation to induce
sleep. Many urbanites throughout history have also discovered this
natural sedative for inducing sound sleep.
Why do you want to go to sleep after ejaculating from sex or
masturbation? The answer lies in a powerful combination of chemical
compounds released when you ejaculate from orgasm. According to
New York University, when you ejaculate, your brain releases chemicals,
including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide
(NO), and the hormone prolactin. Prolactin is the hormone that makes
you feel sexual satisfaction and delays when you can have another
orgasm. Researchers believe that prolactin, and the chemicals oxytocin
and vasopressin cause you to feel sleepy after sex.
Because four times more prolactin is released after you have intercourse
than when you masturbate, you will in fact feel even sleepier after sex
with a partner than after you masturbate.
Because masturbation is a practice that occurs in all cultures and
throughout history, it can be thought of as one of the four keys to
physical and emotional health: sleep, diet, exercise and sex. Each of the
4 must be in balance for you to achieve physical and emotional health.
Too little or too much of any of the Big 4 sets you up for a health crisis.
Research has shown that too little sleep leads to weight gain, too little
good food and proper exercise leads to obesity which leads to heart
disease, diabetes and erectile dysfunction, too little sexual release leads to
frustration and the build of seminal fluids which can raise the risk of
prostate cancer.
And therein lies the key. Balance. If masturbation becomes a means to
escape from the harder job of developing a whole relationship with
another human being, the imbalance leads to isolation, which is a
pre-condition to many forms of mental illness and distress.“
Hi
I replied to your other post: http://www.reuniting.info/node/1725#comment-20112 Here's what I said:
How 'bout starting your own blog (you're enabled) and copying this post there. I'm afraid others will have trouble finding it here.
Of course masturbation is normal and natural. We totally agree. However, just as you say, too much stimulation can dysregulate the brain. It looks like this happens by dysregulating the dopamine response. At that point masturbation is no long a "cure" for anything but reducing withdrawal symptoms short-term, and the person is caught in a deteriorating situation.
As a biology professor friend explained, the problem is more widespread now simply because sexual stimuli are so much more prevalent than they were while our ancestor's brains were evolving. When our ancestors would have run out of options, we now have porn, TV, movies, ads, etc....all with sexy women giving off mating signals. Smiling
It's great you have a wife. If I could make a suggestion, do your best to engage in daily bonding behaviors...even for a few minutes a day. For a list you can pick from see: http://www.reuniting.info/lazy_way_to_stay_in_love My husband and I like skin-to-skin contact the best. Eye-wink These behaviors soothe the brain and also strengthen intimate relationships...effortlessly.
Thanks for the information on masturbation, but we think it's really inadequate. The reason is that it focuses on short-term changes after masturbation, while the full neurochemical cycle may be as long as two weeks. It's at least 7 days in men.
Withdrawl symptoms...
Dear ME,
)
first of all congratulations on taking the first step. Often people have a preconceived notion that all addictions will be subject to with drawl symptoms. You list a nice collection. Now if you went thru the list could they also have other reasons besides withdrawal?
You said:
"Yesterday I experienced flu like symptoms which I suspect is due to the withdrawal symptoms. " What catches my eye is that you state that you 'suspect' it is due to withdrawal symptoms. Flue symptoms sound like a bit far out.... All the other symptoms you state seem to be easily related to having the flu also... or having general stress and anxiety attack. You are suddenly changing something that has been an integral experience in your life. I will venture out an say you may be telling yourself that you should expect symptoms of withdrawal.... are you in a way talking yourself into experiencing them? I am thinking it is similar to smokers who keeps reminding them selves it is hard to quit, "I will have the shakes for months" and "I'll most likely start again...." etc. Look at your list again and see how many ways you can assign the symptoms to other things. Re-framing the cause may help you re-frame the responds too. Blame it on everything else, but the masturbation issue. ( Richard Bandler may call that 're-blaming,'
Symptoms:
1. Extreme exhaustion
2. Restless sleeping
3. Muscle aches & joint pains & fever (flu like) - day 15
4. Mild disorientation
5. Tension on the chest / tight breathing
6. Anxiousness from masturbation?
This can be a fun little exercise for you to do.... let me know when it helped.
NPhypnotist
A Trance is a Terrible Thing to Waste...
I do not know about the
I do not know about the other withdrawals stuff. I know my main one was headaches. I never got headaches before. Really I just did not get them maybe one here or there. I spent days with just intense headaches. I did not think about getting them they were just there. after that first 4+ weeks of no m/o/p they were not so bad. Then after another 4+ without they have not come back.
Those intense cravings I consider withdrawal. Those are science not just in my head. It is all part of the reward circuitry. I am getting control of those so that I do not let that programming take control.
Trust me when I say there are symptoms of having an orgasm. Go back through all of my postings. My mental state gets bad at times after an orgasm. I was like that most of my life. I did not see it before I decided to quit having them and stop viewing porn. I have been told a lot in my life how self destructive I get. My fits of rage. When I was over 5 weeks without O I felt much better and calmer.
So before getting here I was getting all the same stuff I get now after an O. It is just before I did not think it was the O or have an Idea it was the O. So I was not bias into thinking about that being the problem. The symptoms were still there. So it was not my thought and still is not my thoughts on it that cause me to have intense reactions to O.
Again the brain chemistry for some goes a little more off balance after an O than others. I think the reason I do is because of the amount I did it. I may not have done it the most of anyone in the world over the last 25 years but I was at least at the front of the field. My mind built up pathways that were very strong and there is going to be some type of reaction to stopping and not using those pathways.
I agree thought that you can cause more pain with bad thinking. I know you can cause I have done that to myself also.
You can fix many things with good thinking. Understanding things and looking at things in a positive way. I get all of that. There is science in this also. The brain changes and different chemical mixes do cause different things in the body to happen. Science has no clue how much of it works. It does happen though.
Look at the research and how men's testosterone levels change due to whether they have partner or not and want a child or not. very Interesting how that changes. It is as you say effected by the mind. It is still on a chemical change level though. Again some of those changes are going to happen without your control. Like what chemicals mix after an O. It changes things in the body. It wants you to react a certain way. If you go against that programming nature put in there you can get some bad reactions.
To close. You are right you do effect the way your body reacts and acts by what you think. It is also right that some chemical mixes during certain activities are out of your control. That some people's bodies and minds are effected more by certain things and certain chemical releases.
If I have learned one thing over the last few days and since I have started visiting here it is to keep and Open mind about everything.
Be Safe
James
During my first abstaining I
During my first abstaining I experienced some heavy flu symptoms as well. I will never know if they were "withdrawal symptoms" from an addiction or not for sure, but it is something that is difficult to prove either way. It was so bad, I thought it was swine flu. I went to the public health department to get tested and it wasn't that, but it could hav been any number of viruses. I have also had mono-like symptoms throughout my recovery at times. I could have a virus, I'm not sure, but I do know that when i am away from acting out, I don't experience this.
It's possible that certain viruses remain latent in our bodies until the right physiological conditions appear. This could be changed by our overall mental conditions it seems like. It's not too far fetched to think that a virus could be more active when the body is in some turmoil during a withdrawal.
Addictions aren't clearly definable and there is trouble assigning particular symptoms, but the experiences seem consistent enough to group them into a "withdrawal" category.
Before recovery I felt like I was always on the verge of catching a cold. I don't get that feeling anymore despite feeling pretty low at times. Throughout the first six months of attempting abstention, whenever I would relapse, like clockwork 4 days later I would experience pure hell physically. These were the worst headaches and depression. It was physically flooring.
There is still a lot of things we don't know about the body, we are noticing that viruses are present accompanying diseases that we thought weren't related to viruses. It's thought that viruses play a role in the formation of some cancers. The body is a wild place and when you have a changing landscape like our body chemistry, it's easy to see that there could be an interplay of viruses and our body that we are just not familiar with yet.
Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato
The toughest task of my life.
I get extremely lethargic.
Unable to concentrate.
I become extremely wise like a saint.
I preach a lot of people about moral purity. ( As if I have never heard of a thing called porn addiction)
I feel sleepy all the time.
I have extraordinary ideas in my mind as to why sex and porn are wonderful. ( But I keep it to myself)
I feel very thirsty and no amount of water quenches my thirst.
I have pain in body which keeps moving from one place to another.
I feel mild sensations of vomiting.
My mouth has a bad taste.
* Interesting thing is that I have no depression ( Thanks to my otherwise extremely balanced view of life and an extremely calm mind which is a result of relentless application of some spiritual truths to my daily life . )
Apart from an extreme obsession of watching porn I have no other issues at all ! But I have realised that at the route level I am capable of turning into a devil emperor if I do not check my addiction soon.
The biggest hindrance is the argument which my mind seems to come up with : sex is beautiful. And porn is sex.So porn is beautiful.
I would say something very important here, which helped me change this view very strongly: The videos from ex porn actresses , describing how horrible the porn industry is.
This made a huge impact on my feeling that they all love it when they do it.
Since basically I associate sex with acceptance and love, these video testimony against porn shattered my notion.
Which made me take up a firm stand against porn. I feel if I watch it I would be the reason for furthering the cause of porn, thus furthering the depth of the agony of the women who get into porn. I feel I hold myself responsible for destroying the dream of a beautiful girl.
I hope this helps many, as I found that these aspect has not been stressed by many on issues of recovery from addiction to porn.
Love, light and peace
You should put links to the
You should put links to the videos you found helpful in the wiki.
It gets easier with time. Hang in there.
Thanks Freedom
Yes I would do that sometime. Especially Shelley Luben's.
Luben's video
is already on the site somewhere.
All the symptoms you describe are normal...right down to the dry mouth.
Some things help. Sounds like you meditate a lot anyway, right? Vigorous exercise and friendly interaction with others, time in nature, doing something creative, etc., all seem to ease the withdrawal distress. I'll enable you to blog in case you want to start a thread.
Thanks for sharing part of your story.
*big hug*
Thanks a lot for everything Marnia
I do not know what to say. I need your help. I am definitely a unique case.
I am sure every porn addict would be saying the same.
I have read and gone through so many articles, materials and processes that I myself can build a website telling people how to overcome porn addiction and I am even sure that If I pretend that I have overcome this addiction my methods could even help many to overcome porn addiction.
BUT, the fact is I have not been able to overcome this addiction !
I am sure about one thing though I would be open to all suggestions and methods, but I am afraid I know them all.
This is not arrogance or stubbornness. There is a reason why I am saying this.
Meanwhile I would definitely try the hypnosis audio that you suggested. I have tried such audios before but have failed. I don't resist it but some deep hypnosis within me apposes this hypnosis.
I have studied the Buddhist Depth psychology and I worship the Indian Goddess of tantra however it baffles me how can I be not free of Porn !
I would be happy to blog, but I do not know what to write, these days words are failing me.
Hugs to you too Marnia.
Love to all.
Addiction IS baffling
to just about every addict.
What are you doing that connects you with others? It's looking like porn hijacks the circuitry in the brain that would otherwise urge us toward mates...and the physiological and psychological benefits of closeness. This is one reason why you need to seek as much contact as possible while you're trying to unhook from porn.
I don't doubt that you're an expert. You sound like a very intelligent, thorough man. However, make sure that you check out the material in our Wiki. Many men here find it really comforting to understand that porn use has very little to do with character, and a LOT to due with some tricky little brain mechanisms that were installed in our software millions of years ago.
The little critters are just trying to do their biological job, and they think porn stars are real women.
Your Brain on Porn
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3343
It takes a while for this information to be integrated at a gut level, but when that happens you can more easily laugh at your setbacks, and get right back into your effort to restore balance. You can never *force* your limbic brain to do much, but you can gently coral it by shifting your behavior.
Meanwhile, blogging your distress and frustration is just fine. Having a place to say how hard this is can be very useful. There's something about journaling your discouragement that helps clear it out.
And just for grins, have you asked the oracle here what's blocking your progress?
http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/inner_wisdom_oracle
Keep going. Try not to let setback make you feel hopeless. Believe me, you're not. As you heal, you're learning something really valuable about the human brain. In the end it will be worthwhile. Have you checked out the relapse wiki?
Strategies for Dealing with a Porn Relapse
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3335
Thanks a lot for everything Marnia
I am sure to recover if you are around. **Hugs**
That's sweet
I wish I were the only ingredient needed.
*big hug back*
Indeed you are !
I am sure you could transform thousands of people. Though we have not interacted much, your intentions and energy are being felt.
I am willing to help in your journey of helping people. Just order me and I will do it for you !
Thanks
In that case
...do you think a version of this project for kids would be suitable for your culture? http://www.reuniting.info/how_to_talk_to_your_son_about_porn Perhaps we could work together on something like that. My collaborator in the UK can find someone (among the Cambridge grad students she works with) to record it in almost any language, but a translation of the text would be needed first - with culturally suitable alterations.
Just a thought. It may be totally inappropriate.
I'm concerned that kids are walking into the porn trap with no education about how it affects their brains. I see enough pain and misery on this site to want to share what might help kids understand their brains better, and why they are so vulnerable to porn.
(Anyone else reading this who would care to do a version for his mother tongue, should PM me. You need not reveal your identity to prepare a text in your language...with such changes as you know would be helpful. We can take care of the recording and the slides, perhaps with advice from you.)
Definitely marnia
I would want to do this. I will get back to you on this as soon as possible, right now I am working on a deadline and will discuss how to go about this once I am done with that.
Also let me know if there is any way to fight child pornography. I have been wanting to do this since very long time.
Great
Whenever.
I don't know anything about how to stop child porn. I work strictly on the "consumer" side of the equation.
By being an emotionally
By being an emotionally available person, you are creating and encouraging other emotionally available people. One of these people could give more tools to their children and prevent major distortions like pedophilia possibly.
Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato
Withdrawal and re-withdrawal
Hi Everyone
I'm 22 and I've been conditioned to watch sexualized images of women and then later porn from at least 12years... shit, 10 years. I didn't realize that...
Less then 2 weeks ago I stopped viewing porn as a result of the book, A New Man (by Luke Reynolds) and also my masturbation activity ceased. On the 3rd or 4th day after quitting I got a panic attack over the day, it subsided and late in the evening i got a panic attack again and I felt mentally insane, no kidding. I felt as if I was a schizo, a psychotic that could get up, black out and get aggressive. These thoughts -which are very un-natural for me- were frightening to say the least and it made me, at 2 am wake up. I didn't know what to do really, I didn't know what would help, so I did what has normally worked; I Googled it! The search read "porn detox", and found this page and felt I could relate, it supported me and helped me to keep on truckin'. I started feeling great!! Lots of energy, concentration, love! Buuuut then yesterday I somehow got lured back into the web of porn, through my original habit of seeing lightly dressed (or just not dressed) girls in commercials: my withdrawal symptoms are now, VERY clear:
*Throbbing face and especially eyes (not from too screen watching, just spontaneously)
(That's why I realized I had to come here and register and tell my tale) I have managed not to look at or look for porn for at least 2 hours now, whooh!
*Desensitized emotionally
*Very tight tension in my back, neck, shoulders that streams into my arms and head, pretty much everything above belly height hurts, a lot.
*Extreme physical tiredness
*Hard to concentrate
*No real want for porn/masturbation/orgasm at all, BUT STILL searching for it online as a conditioned habit!
*Feeling sad, alone and fed up by all of this(then meaning porn and the sexualized luring commercial industry, where women are portrayed as objects)
*Light fetishes and sexual imagery streaming in my head, intermittently, grabbing my attention.
*Feeling of wanting to go to sleep, but not really sleepy, not really awake, half a human, not whole. YES! I am a PORN ZOMBIE! And I want more pictures and videos from your hard drive brain! (not really though)
*Shame... really really deep and permeating shame that courses through all of my veins. But not being able to feel it fully, so unable to process it. :S
*A longing for someone to hug, even to just lie in bed with someone and spoon.
These symptoms came almost immediately after orgasming and after EVERY single orgasm after that, it has become worse.
I don't know what more I would want to say. I am still processing that I have been at this for 10 years (just realized when I wrote it). What a waste of time!
Is it wise to concentrate on only the rewiring of this porn conditioning, before doing other rewiring? What helps keep me on this path in the beginning?
With love
P
Hi Pert!
Sorry you're struggling. Thanks for outlining your symptoms. It's hard to believe that the neurchemical "hit" from mere images could produce drug-like withdrawal symptoms over time, but in both cases (substances and activities) dopamine withdrawal is causing the agony.
Your list sounds...not unusual. The good news is that panic and obsessive thoughts (a common one) really CAN just be due to temporary dysregulation in an old part of your brain. In other words, it's very unlikely you're crazy, as I'm sure you know.
I wish we could find a way to get you a hug, too. It's a very healthy craving just now. Maybe you have some female friends you could trade foot massages or hugs with.
Fortunately, there are some activities that produce some of the same feelings (and neurochemicals) as hugs: friendly interaction of any kind, time with close, trusted companions (yes, pets count, too), time in nature, yoga, prayer/meditation, etc. Vigorous exercise is also a great mood regulator. Playing music or singing seems to help, too. Find out what helps you most, and let us know.
That said...some of the cure here is simply time. *sigh* You won't feel right for a while, although you will have lots of moments of feeling better. But also lots of ups and downs.
In any case, you're enabled to blog, so let us know how you get on. Have you checked out the Wiki? http://www.reuniting.info/wiki#porn It can help to read about others' experiences.
PS About shame
That's a neurochemical hangover illusion, too. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Trust me. An old part of your brain is set up to go after novel, receptive mates...and so you went.
It was just doing its job. It can't tell the difference between a real genetic opportunity and a fantasy one contrived by porn makers.
If you want to see how this happens, you might enjoy this series for kids: "Things you Didn't Know About Porn" http://www.youtube.com/user/BodyWisdomVideos#p/a/u/2/aJLRTL7w5qA
It's frustrating not to be able to use willpower to stop easily. But that will take time. Less time than it took you to dig your way into the porn trap...but still time. Be gentle with yourself.
*big hug*
Wow, this really hurts
29 year old male who's been regularly looking at internet porn videos and masturbating pretty much daily for about 12 years. I'm not religious and I've never felt any shame about masturbating, however recently I began to become concerned about how my porn consumption was affecting my attitudes towards women, so I did some google searches about giving up porn, which led me here. The idea of porn consumption and frequent masturbation affecting brain chemistry was completely new and fascinating to me (I do suffer from anxiety) and I ended up devouring most of the pages on the site, and decided to give it a shot.
I'm a week in and I'm amazed at how painful it is. For the first couple of days I just felt energised in a good way, but the days since have been hell. I tend to wake up feeling okay but my mood gradually deteriorates over the course of the day until by the evening I'm overwhelmed by feelings of depression and worthlessness, to the point of thinking about suicide. I'm having trouble getting to sleep at a reasonable hour and when I finally manage it I sleep until the afternoon. My appetite for food is way up, particularly bad food, and this is highly unusual as I usually stick to a very healthy diet and don't crave junk. I can't focus on the books I'm trying to read and I'm normally an avid reader.
Struggling to hold on right now but reading the comments from other guys who went through the same thing is helping me not to break. Also reasoning with myself that there's obviously something to this theory about the effects of orgasm and pornography on brain chemistry if I'm melting down so badly after only a week without them. The severity of these symptoms is blowing my mind, despite having read the site before undertaking this I never imagined they'd be so brutal.
Thank you for providing this amazing resource. Hoping I can get through this.
Ouch
I'm really sorry to hear you're suffering, but it does seem to be typical. And you're right that it lends credence to the idea that this is a brain chemical challenge above all.
What things are helping the most? You know The List, right?
Do you have a short-term goal? A relationship? (If so, you could put HER to work helping to ease your discomfort. 
)
You're enabled to blog if you would find it useful to journal.
Thanks for taking the time to share your experience. It's always helpful.
What's helping the most is
What's helping the most is sheer stubbornness I think, the idea of letting myself be controlled by this urge is intensely annoying to me and the fact that my body and mind are flipping out only shows me how tightly it still has me in its grip.
I'm not in a relationship at the moment. Unsure yet whether that's a good thing or a bad thing...on the one hand it'd be good to have some loving support but on the other hand the way I'm feeling right now it would be difficult to be around people.
I see your point
Probably not the ideal time to be mate hunting.
I always felt the same way about addictions. Even minor ones, like sugar and chocolate. I like my freedom.
It does get easier. But some things ease the symptoms in the meantime: vigorous exercise, time in nature, daily meditation, playing music, singing, tango
, and above all...friendly interaction with people (or even pets) you trust and who care. These things all help your brain release much needed oxytocin.
But stubbornness is vital, too. I'm sure you will win through. Just be gentle with yourself.
*big hug*