No Masturbation Since June 30, 2009

I appreciate everyone's timely encouragement, which is likely helping prevent a relapse. 8 days as of today 7/8/2009. No masturbating, no touching for me since June 30, 2009!

Arousal for most of yesterday wasn't too bad, actually surprisingly low. "This abstaining for higher pursuits is easy," I recall thinking. Late afternoon the sexual frustration suddenly went from 2 to 10. I don't understand why horniness suddenly spikes for no apparent reason--increases exponentially like that, rather than the body gradually getting hornier? While driving home from Taco Bell last night all I could think of was how all it would take would be as few as 5 strokes to immediately, gloriously release all this pent up arousal as soon as I get home. Once home, I turned on the computer--normally an accomplice in my stuck cycle of repeatedly wasting every ounce of my sexual energy. Fortunately the first thing I came across was a helpful post, reminding me of the self-inflicted consequences of masturbating : ejaculation usually ruins my motivation in many ways, in addition to leaving that uneasy, unpleasant "blah" feeling. Just one ejaculation won't always immediately ruin my mood. But unfortunately "only one" ejaculation inevitably leads to several in quick succession--which definitely have serious adverse effects.

Even so, why is it so annoying being horny? It's not exactly painful, other than occasional testicle "heaviness." Horniness is certainly preferable to real, actual pain like a root canal. Horniness is sneaky. The hornier I get, the easier it is to forget the serious drawbacks to ejaculating. It was hard to do, but I'm very thankful I got to sleep without masturbating last night.

Atypically, my arousal did not die down overnight. Awoke with "hard as steel" morning wood today which felt in danger of exploding with only the slightest touch, or maybe no touch at all. I'm surprised I'm so sexually frustrated after only 8 days, seeing how others last longer before seriously considering ejaculation as the only option. Hopefully my arousal is peaking now, so if I can just get past the next few hours, the horniness can be manageable again--even enjoyable.

Achieved One Full Week - 7 Whole Days Without Masturbating as of 7/7/09. No masturbation, no touching since June 30, 2009

Happy to report I'm back on track with one week total abstinence as of July 7. Had a setback on June 30. Cute gal about 20 on my street who I've known for years sweetly asked me to help her move furniture. Already that day I was really sexually frustrated, horny beyond words, and usually physical activity helps cure my horniness. So I greatly welcomed her distraction: I knew as long as I was busy moving furniture I wouldn't have the opportunity to MB. But she and I got sweaty together moving furniture just in the normal course of things, reminding me of another course: intercourse. Our sweaty arms and legs even briefly slid against one another. However, unless I'm really clueless, dense, or stupid-- I don't think she was coming on to me. I don't think she was making a pass at me. I don't think she wanted sex. I'm pretty sure she just wanted some male muscle to come inside her apartment only to move her heavy furniture. We were just honestly getting sweaty together moving furniture for several hours.

After all that I was hoping the tiredness would prevent me from masturbating, almost like a default sort of chastity. Either my sexual frustration was boiling over, or my defenses were down. I got caught in that "end of month" trap, thinking I gotta cum "one last time" on the last day of the month. But my mind was in control enough to negotiate: You're going to have to really work for it if you think you really need to cum so badly. So I stroked myself to the edge of ejaculating then stopped over and over again for four hours. Already physically exhausted, I thought there'd be a chance I'd fall asleep before I'd cum. Or my penis would give up trying to spurt. After four hours of constantly being brought to the brink of orgasm I bellowed as my body disobeyed me and spurted nearly two weeks of pent up semen down the drain. Literally and figuratively. That one ejaculation felt like only the tip of the iceberg, though. My penis did NOT go down at all, and it felt ready to cum again within a few minutes. I knew that a 2nd ejaculation would really ruin my quest. So the good news is I resisted the urge to cum again. It's been very hard, but I haven't masturbated, cum, or anything now for a full week. Since I only ejaculated ONCE on June 30 and never since then, my arousal hasn't gone down hardly at all. Woke up with super hard morning wood July 7. Am going jogging now to hopefully squelch my sexual frustration. Wish me luck, guys. Cause sometimes running only makes me hornier still. Then when I get home I'm really, really, tempted to stroke/spurt & squirt. My mind and body know that the sensation of orgasm is much stronger after going for a run, so I have to be DETERMINED not to touch it all when I get home...

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20 Days Without Ejaculating as of 6/15/2009

Maybe I've reached a milestone of sorts at 20 days? Felt pretty aroused last night, but didn't give in other than some really intense edging. I was concerned about failing to stop in time to make sure no ejaculation happened, and about possibly getting vascocongestion. Neither of these was a problem! I don't think I've ever gotten that close to ejaculating without going over the edge. It was hard to get to sleep, both literally and figuratively. This morning it was nice to awaken flaccid. "This is not so bad," I thought. A moment later the corner of the blanket barely brushed against me, resulting in everything being fully erect in an instant. Unlike past times, I'm trying to some extent to "enjoy" the arousal without giving in. So far the sexual frustration seems manageable, not overwhelming like usual. But I'm better at resisting temptation in the morning, when the urge typically isn't as powerful.

19 Days Without Ejaculating as of 6/14/2009; Very Close to a Wet Dream last night!

I feel phenomenal this morning! Perhaps the best I've felt in years. Maybe partly because I didn't really touch any more than necessary for hygiene yesterday, and not at all today. A little precum suddently appeared after taking out the trash last evening, along with a sort of minor contraction. I wasn't thinking or doing anything sexual at the time. That was strange. During the night I awoke seemingly on the verge of a "wet dream" and a pretty full bladder. It felt like if I didn't immediately get up and urinate it would explode all on its own. Contractions to ejaculation seemed to be starting. Then nothing else happened. So I urinated, and all was fine. Went right back to sleep. Is there any correlation between full bladder and wet dream? It was full, but not bursting.

This morning, after returning from a 4-mile exercise trail, I was surprised to discover a few drops of actual semen. However, I felt nothing sexual while exercsing. No erection while exercising.

18 Days Without Ejaculating as of 6/13/2009

It's been 18 days since I last ejaculated--and I honestly feel FANTASTIC this evening. Wish I'd abstained sooner! Pretty powerful, tempting, arousal and desire last night, and also this morning that REALLY wanted to be released but I absolutely refused to waste 18 days of abstaining--and the urge went away when I attended a picnic in 90+ degree heat. Another NICE BENEFIT: After 18 days of sexual frustration, you'd think a guy might be overly interested in the many attractive females at the picnic I attended today. However, I wasn't. I simply enjoyed an excellent picnic.

Now at 18 days successfully avoiding ejaculating--and honestly really enjoying all the extra energy, sharp mind, etc. It does seem to get easier around the 17-day point. Was very tempted to waste/ruin it all last night, though... Did some repeated edging for maybe 30 min. while watching a ghost hunting show (definitely not a sexy program). Each time stopped before any chance of an ejaculation. Started getting closer and closer to ejaculating with each edge, so had to abruptly stop entirely. Am wondering if edging is OK so long as If I'm extremely careful to always completely stop all masturbation in plenty of time before risking an ejaculation that would ruin and waste the 18 days I've invested thus far?

My spiritual, physical and emotional life is definitely best if I avoid masturbation altogether. However, when the temptations are strong, somewhere I got the idea masturbation was OK as long as I don't ejaculate. On the surface at least, this seems like it would work. I'm not totally giving in to temptation/sin/lust by getting any sort of "release" from it. I make sure to safely stop before I'm too close to the edge. Isn't nonejaculatory masturbation better than "giving in" to complete masturbation? It's certainly less tiring, and might be helpful if it keeps me sober a few more days. At some point I'd expect that nonejaculatory masturbation might get too frustrating, perhaps even harmful to the body. But by then, hopefully I've invested enough days I can remain sober direct my energy/thought to higher pursuits. If I always stop short of ejaculating, am I at least making some progress toward stopping altogether? Anyway, still at 18 days and holding, hopefully.

17 Days Without Ejaculating as of 6/12/2009

I'm thinking PLEASE DON'T GIVE IN no matter how "desperate" you might TEMPORARILY be. I'm blessed/cursed with one of those libidos that is still virtually as powerful as when I was 18, which is over 10 years ago. I've kept hoping the sexual desire would subside at least somewhat with each passing year. So for me it's incredible achieving 17 days without ejaculating as of today! I was much more easily able to exercise my usual 4 miles this morning; it seemed almost effortless. On day 16, last evening, I was afraid of giving in. The desire was getting stronger. So before I risked wasting/losing this wonderful energy, I started swimming laps in the pool. You know what, that really helped cure the annoying arousal. I guess it's true that it you redirect that desire quickly enough, instead of giving in, you can "take care of it" by something as simple as swimming. I was skeptical that this would work, and fully expected the urge to be unbearable by later in day 16. But now it's midway thru day 17 and I'm feeling great, actually! There's some arousal, but it's actually welcome and pleasant. It's not the "I must cum now or else I'll die" trap that we've all fallen for in the past. Some say if you can make it to a certain point, the desire won't be as overwhelming as it was. Maybe I'm at that point. Time will tell.

I think this current 17 days is the furthest I've made it since March of the year I was 14! That month, I made it a full 31 days without any ejaculation. I recall accomplishing a major project installing miles of cable over a 200-acre property that March. Hmmm, wonder if I'd ever gotten that done if not for abstaining? I doubt it.

Testicles are very sensitive, feel heavy and swollen, and hurt at times. What are the chances I could be doing any physical damage by going 17 days and counting without any ejaculation? I keep reading that males should ejaculate at least once every 14 days or risk prostate problems, infection, etc.

How can I overcome this desire to ejaculate now? I am so proud I've achieved 17 days without ejaculating as of today 6/12/09. The urge and testicular discomfort of earlier today had completely subsided by this evening, so with the "hair trigger" seemingly gone I thought nothing of taking a quick shower. The INSTANT I began washing my privates it became fully aroused and felt ready to explode within seconds. This has been the most powerful wave of sexual desire in 17 days. I stopped immediately before anything else happened. (A small drop of pre-cum did escape, though.) No semen escaped, fortunately. I really seemed to winning this battle against urges most of today. Now what all of a sudden, without warning, does my body go from 0 arousal to on the verge of ejaculating within seconds? I've had such a wonderful, productive day today. What can I do to keep this monster from rearing its ugly head? It's been such a struggle to resist masturbating for 17 days thus far. I really really don't want to lose the 17 days being sober I've struggled so hard to achive. It's been YEARS since I've been sober for 17 days. I want to build on the positive feelings I was projecting for most of the day today. But how? How can I make it to 18 days, 19 days, and beyond to secure a purer heart and spiritual future--overcoming this ejaculatory temptation--so perhaps I can help others who are struggling? Please SOMEONE offer me some guidance to at least resist ejaculating, better yet any masturbation, which I know has for years reduced my potential in life.

PS What if I start the lose the battle and begin touching myself? Is masturbation OK as long as I never ejaculate--as far as "saving up" for a wet dream? Can I save myself as long as I stop cold before any ejaculation has begun? What if some pre-cum escapes? Or, will masturbation always shy of ejaculation bring me to a wet dream faster? It certainly felt fantastic tonight for those few precious seconds before I had abruptly stop before my body exploded with an ejaculation. If I can handle frequent masturbation getting very close to ejaculating but never going over the edge, might this make a wet dream happen sooner?

16 Days Without Ejaculating as of 6/11/2009

Got really close to "losing it" simply taking a shower last night. One wouldn't think there's anything sexy about a washrag merely doing its job. No semen escaped, though.

Awoke hard and aroused this morning--seemed like only a little touch would have caused an explosion. There seemed to be a little precum already present as well, but definitely no semen was released from my 16-day accumulation. The sexual frustration has been much more distracting today and yesterday than it was at day 14. But I'm determined not to give in.

15 Days Without Ejaculating as of 6/10/2009

It's 15 days w/o ejac. as of today! For me that's quite an accomplishment, last done as of 4/13/2009--and Sept. 2006, prior to that. So 15 days seems to be my breaking point. But I'm really trying to get past the 15-day point this time. Testicles are somewhat sore the last couple of days, feel sensitive, heavy and full. Feels like they need to be milked. Last night I dreamed I was having a wet dream, but evidently it was just a dream. My last real wet dream was around age 14. I'd forgotten to urinate before going to bed. Several hours later I was was enjoying a wonderful sexy dream, from which I awakened with full evidence of the wet dream I'd just experienced, with its contractions continuing, in addition to a bursting bladder. Would a full and/or bursting bladder having anything to do with causing a wet dream?