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Yikes, funny.
After limited success with different types of dating, I've just gotten more and more direct over time. Finally, I got to the point of being completely direct on an online advert, I wrote something like, "If the theory is that you can find whatever you're looking for online, I'm looking for a friend to spend time with; kiss, touch, give physical affection to. Nothing skeevy, I'm normal and sane, oxytocin is good for you."
Now I just have to figure out a system of sorting through all the women who replied. :shocked: A decent turn for me on the personal level, but, impersonally, it's interesting on the big picture level.
It's been a while since I posted. In the meantime, I've learned that ancient Mayans used to warn that if you sleep with your wife too much, you become dry like a desert cactus and your wife will own you. The History of Sex, Discovery Channel, I think. Also, one of Ben Franklin's "Thirteen Virtues" was Chastity, with this explanation:
Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
So, venery is used for health. But too much leads to dullness, weakness, and injury of your peace...good to know.
- RedBeard's blog
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Comments
You always have
the most interesting tidbits! Thanks for sharing them.
Good luck with all those ladies.
So, I'm seeing somebody steady.
It's been so easy and natural that I'm surprised in retrospect that it's taken so long.
Seems the extra handsomeness, friendliness, confidence, etc. can be handy.
I'd post more but I'm guessing there'll be more to post as time wears on.
Suffice to say, it's been very nice.
How delightful!
She's a lucky goddess.
*big hug*
Steady
Are you still orgasm free? I've had to let it go a few times in my relationship. It seems like it's pretty hard not to. I mean, my gal is just about as spiritual and open to sacred sex as they come, yet still it was hard. With more ordinary folks, I'd think it'd be dang near impossible. But from what I read here, it does happen! I'm working up to it. If you managed, mind telling us how?
For now.
I actually don't intend to through the course. I figure what happens can only be the midpoint between us, she's comfortably over to the other side.
In practical terms, I'm guessing it means going eachother's ways at different times, making the actions worth the consequences as much as possible, dealing with the hangovers. Worse comes to worst, something becomes untenable, and she goes away knowing the concepts for the future. Good in everything.
A question for Marnia, though. I've noticed I tend to experience a "down" or some internal questioning on the days we don't see eachother. On the hangover days, is it preferable to be together anyway to cement the relationship despite, or to separate so that the irritability doesn't attach to eachother directly?
My reflex was that I'd rather drift temporarily than be bothered by her flaws.
That's a bit of a "Catch 22"
You'll just have to work it out for yourselves. The biggest cost of the hangover is the tendency to drift apart during the time afterward. It's uncanny how it happens...but it does...one way or the other. Since daily bonding behaviors are so good for our health and peace of mind, this gets to be a huge, hidden cost of great sex.
Yet, being together during a hangover can make you close up emotionally, because misunderstandings are more likely.
Also, passionate sex always seems like the cure for any tension ...which is great in the short run...but the more sexual satiety in a given space of time, the more rocky the hangover can get...especially after the honeymoon neurchemistry settles down a bit. Of course, you'll think you have genuine reasons to fight, which have nothing to do with the great sex, but...I gotta tell you...after years of observation, I'm not so sure the cause of the friction isn't neurochemical.
Since you like science, I'll share that the more a male rat copulates (in a series), the more androgen (testosterone) receptors decline in a key part of his brain. This may account for changes in his outlook. (They come back when the cycle is complete...but who ever completes the cycle with a hot goddess around?)
I don't want to sound pessimistic, by the way. Hopefully, you two are "swans," couples who just stay bonded no matter what.
In any case, a goddess is a Good Thing.
I read that as:
"Baad idea, brudda". [aberaber]
And it's probably right. I think a fair amount of what colors the matter is that, being the man, I don't like being the more "conservative/gentle/careful" party sexually. But, guy ego is probably not worth turning myself into seaweed, dealing with a contemptuous woman, or being willfully irresponsible with the relationship.
I think I just need to hear a clip of John Wayne asking a woman to cuddle, maybe it's all in the delivery.
*giggle*
Listen, you're way ahead of where I was at your age. And quite honestly, I have complete faith that you will work this little puzzle out...in the way that is right for you.
Again, I didn't get consistent with this practice until it became crystal clear that those great orgasms I was delivering (or displaying) were not helping my partners. I thought *I* was tough enough to take any fallout, you see.
But somehow, compassion for the men in my life eventually turned me around.
No need to rush the lessons. Enjoy the process.
Good Weekend.
Two days of contiguous bonding behaviors in varying stages of undress, and continence was the same non-worry everything else was. A no-thanks sufficed, the hotter moments didn't have an addictive call, we should be fine.
An interesting part, though. We ended up on a public train ride on the second day, a long ride. We were sitting, my arm around her, stroking her shoulder, her head on my shoulder, very relaxed but nothing ostentatious. Thing was, it seemed like every time I looked up, people were staring at us.
I remember a few of the young men looked curious, a few of the single women were visibly brightened. The couples seemed a little uncomfortable. One across from us started squirming a bit and talking loud in a foreign language. Another guy tried to stroke his girlfriend's neck, but his movements looked awkward, she seemed stiff and uncomfortable.
I don't know what it means, but it was interesting. I was trying to put myself in their position, whether it'd be unusual for me to see a relaxed couple curled up on a train, what I'd have thought looking at them.
Re: the train
Occasionally, I will come across a couple who happens to have their stuff together in terms of bonding and balance. It really makes an impression. I think people are so used to seeing (or participating in) imbalanced relationships, we don't really remember what balanced ones are supposed to look like anymore! So when we see one, it's so intriguing. It's like a lone light in a dark cave--too much time in the darkness and you'll forget how wonderful light is. It's inspiring. People pick up on this, and they start asking themselves, "How can I make my relationship like theirs?" So on that note, congratulations.
Kurisu