I've noticed (and I've heard other people say) that in some ways the struggle is harder after three weeks of abstaining. I'm feeling it even more than the last time I took an extended break. My whole body feels like it's tingling with sexual desire. I'm having trouble concentrating on the work I need to do. Last night, just shifting in my bed was arousing. I thought I might orgasm without actually doing anything.
Yesterday I exercised. I spent a good deal of time with people. I meditated. I feel I'm doing the things I need to do, but perhaps not enough.
Has anyone else had this problem after 3 weeks and how did you deal with it?
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I was just reading an old book
by the author of "Karezza." She said that continence is much easier with a mate. So that's my first suggestion.
She also said that when you're on your own, the solution is 15-20 minutes of seated meditation in a straight-backed chair, each day, in which you "let go" of the extra energy:
If you try this, let me know if it helps.
Good luck!
Meditation
I did try the meditation and it seemed to help some. I wasn't nearly as out of control afterward. I want to experiment with it. I found myself uncomfortable sitting in the chair with my airs dangling at my sides. I may try it lying down.
At any rate, thanks for the meditation.
Thanks for checking it out
Glad it seemed to help a bit.
3rd week
3rd week was pretty rough for me too. I think the 2 week timeline has to do mainly with the physiology, but then there's the whole mental and emotional impulses that are restless. 3 weeks is still really early though and youre certainly still feeling the physiological withdrawal. I also think that the 2 week timeline is kind of a base timeline for orgasm in mammals. In nature, a mouse in this experiment is not a sexually addicted mouse, but a normal mouse. Plus, we have the added factor of years of handling our stress in this way. think about it, youve handle stress with orgasm since you were a teenager and you did this unknowingly. Emotional growth is painful, youre uncovering a major abscess. The main part of recovery is meeting this. Most addicts do not grow emotionally for this reason. From what I remember, 3 weeks sucked as pretty bad as the first two. Its probably going to be weird for a while. Hang in there, its a good time to develop some real good lasting habits to take the place of the energy you put into your addiction. this will give you a good ground. Marnia suggests going for the true intimacy, if you can find any kind of intimacy, youll benefit. Try to get out and meet people, even if its just acquaintances. Hang out with and talk to family and friends. As pretty much a loner most of my life, Ive found a newfound pleasure in just being able to talk to people. This is totally new. i actually crave being around people now, and I dont think its a coincidence. I really think its a combination of putting in the effort to do it, and my physiological state. Youre doing good though. 3 weeks is major. Put this new life to work, its not enough to sit around at home and not touching ourselves! Our lives are meant to be dynamic and interactive and interesting. Go practice living your new life and the rest will catch up to you. You will not fail this time because when you fail, youll see them not as failures, but as bumps in the road and important lessons. thats the difference. the addict feels that everything is their fault and they will never amount to much. Not true, If you do this well, youll have a shift in perception at a very fundamental level as you are freed from the insane chatter of your mind!
And dont worry about not doing enough. You just did something huge- 3 weeks! Everything will fall into place. The more you free yourself from this, doing what is good for you will come as second nature. It will be natural. Right now youre in a harsh state, its brutal. Just be good and accepting to yourself. If you had a physical surgery youd be in a hospital for a while, right? What about physic surgery? Thats pretty brutal too. youre going though a lot. hang in there, it will make sense and clear up in a couple of weeks.
Dealing with extreme desire
I've had experiences almost exactly like that about three or four nights in the last two years, since I began my abstinence experiments. I think in each case I was wearing tight underwear. In one of those cases I actually did have an orgasm without touching myself or rubbing against anything, but I admit that I helped it happen by focusing on the feelings (just another one of my experiments - I wanted to see if I could bring myself to orgasm that way).
The other two or three times, when I really just wanted to get to sleep, I simply endured the feelings, and eventually I fell asleep, at about 4 or 5AM. I figured I'd have to fall asleep eventually, if not that night, then the following day or night!
There are several things I've found effective to get my mind off that extreme desire, and I've used those techniques at other times. So why didn't I try them on those nights when I just endured? Because it never occurred to me to try those other things! I think what must have happened is I got stuck in some sort of semi-sleep state where I still had awareness of my body and my surroundings as if I was awake, but my rational, problem-solving mind had gone to sleep.
Some of the things that I've found helpful:
- Get up and walk around or stare out the window for a few minutes, or read a book until really sleepy.
- Use my arm to press my penis against my belly. That seems to take the edge off the sensitivity.
- Take off my underpants. That eliminates the friction which seems to be a large part of the problem. (I suppose some people might find that arousing. But I've slept in the nude most of my life, so that's not a trigger for me. I started sleeping in my underwear about ten years ago at my wife's insistence, and now it's just a habit.)