Day 1 - A Fine Decision

Submitted by JaylBreak on Sun, 2009-09-20 06:35
Community topics: 
porn addiction

I woke up this morning, about an hour and a half ago, feeling like crap. I felt lazy, unmotivated, buried by a pile of chores, buried by life itself and depressed. My initial reaction was porn. I knew that I would get the fix I would need to give myself a kick in the butt and get my day started. I could have stopped the pain there and then. I didn't choose that route.

I'm not sure if those were all a result of withdrawal or just my personality and life in general. In any case, I started reading a book and before you know it, I'm preppy, motivated and excited for the day ahead. I've already done some deep thinking about my life this morning. My priority is to get out of this tumbling spiral I'm in. It's to organize my life so I don't feel buried under a pile of things that MUST get done. If fact, a lot of them are just stupid material things that I've convinced myself that I need to make me happy.

Comments

Submitted by Fisherman on Sun, 2009-09-20 07:05.

I had a very similar reaction to something three days ago.

I was busy taking apart a cellphone and replacing the lcd screen (I had accidentally cracked it). But I was having the toughest time actually putting the cellphone back together. There was a part that I didn't even recall seeing when I took the phone apart, and was having the toughest time reverse engineering the whole thing.

During that period of frustration, I had the urge to look at porn and just release all my energy. It got even worse when I put the phone back together, only to realize that I hadn't really plugged the new lcd screen in all the way. I had to start all over again. The urge increased ten-fold. It didn't help that I was sitting next to my computer while doing it, thus making the temptation that much worse.

I resisted in the end, but it was an eye-opener. It's amazing what I used to do just for a little stress relief. Granted, I've broken my 100 day stretch only two weeks ago, but jumping back on the horse is actually much easier now, if only because I"ve been able to finally compare the two states I've been in.

Quite honestly, I can't believe I used to waste so much energy and use a stress-reliever that only dulled my senses and increased my stress later on. I won't say orgasm is evil, or that it should never be had. Truth be told, the last time I had an orgasm felt wonderful. And yet, there's only a few reasons why that was.

1.) I hadn't had one in 3 months.
2.) My body was ready and willing... not just going through the motions like usual.
3.) Orgasm always feel good smiley

So I can't say my relapse was that bad. In fact, I felt like I could have kept having them all day at that point, but good practice and wisdom won the day.

But yeah, it's amazing what a little perseverance can do. We're so used to medicating when something like this comes up. But it's really unnecessary.

Submitted by t4ytime on Sun, 2009-09-20 08:30.

is incredible. I have never gone past the 6 day mark with no touching at all. (Dry masturbation, no orgasm, which still causes a hangover.) My goal is 3 weeks to a month now. bravo!

Submitted by Fisherman on Sun, 2009-09-20 11:38.

I only reached 100 days through the following system:

1.) I tried to make as little downtime for myself as possible. If I could be away from home all day, I would do it. Being in public, or working out, or something, was essential.

2.) Read books instead of porn videos.

3.) Consider the benefits. A short term burst of pleasure or a prolonged sense of vigor.

Quite honestly, I would have kept going, but I fell back into the porn trap, and before I knew it, a powerful and overwhelming sense of "Just do it" went through my mind and I was finished. And yet, I really don't feel so bad about it. I just shrugged and decided to move on.

The effort it takes is substantially less now, although I'd be lying if I said I've just magically become 100% comfortable with it. Being single certainly doesn't help. But at this point, I literally do it for my own health, and because I've noticed a distinct difference between what I allowed in the past and what I allow now.

This time, I've been pretty good about letting the porn go. I was literally just watching it, but not doing anything, thinking it was okay. In reality, I was building all kinds of stress, and merely releasing it later elsewhere, until eventually even that caught up with me. So with a sad heart, I'm trying again.

But don't worry. My recent success only comes after years of futile attempts to make it past 1 week. I think the longest I *ever* went was about three years ago when I hit three weeks. But that was a combination of mass depression, ego, moral issues, and other series of messes. It ended horribly.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sun, 2009-09-20 10:40.

intrigued by the link between frustration (of any kind) and cravings for orgasm. Others have noticed it too.

I suspect that the link is dopamine, or low dopamine, which then kicks in intense cravings (dopamine surge). Wish we knew more.

Submitted by t4ytime on Sun, 2009-09-20 18:48.

regurlarly? Do you get that superhuman confidence? I have it some days when I abstain and my diet and exercise are in place. I feel unbreakable. Do you also feel like you attract more women? Sorry about all the questions but I am still a starving student on this.