Unmoved Mover

Submitted by Galileo on
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I've been experiencing flare ups of anger. The emotional realm is so surprising to me, I find there's an ocean inside. Anger wanted to seize something, it was impossible to control. My thoughts were about trying to distract myself, and also the tiniest reasoning voice, saying, "hey, be careful!" and then a realization that walking around my room in circles wasn't going to accomplish anything. What I'm angry about is so is huge with so many layers that it's a very long story.

This weekend a friend was talking about an obsessive relationship, how the situation caused them to understand the Unmoved Mover-- or the way I interpret it, "Is this my dream or is it reality?"

I think these negative emotional experiences act like an innoculation. I can use this to snap myself out of it, and back into my dream, which I can then take responsibility for. And so the anger gets solved (fingers crossed).

I am grateful to have learned from so many wise souls this weekend, and in such a beautiful place by a river with a rope swing.

-G

Comments

Anger

Anger has thrown me off too. I used to think I had no anger in me, but recently Ive experienced rage for the first time in my life. Im ok with it because, the alternative is anxiety and depression for me. With rage I actually get a lot more done. It really threw me for a loop though.

I've been experiencing the

I've been experiencing the anger flare ups as well. I don't know what the both of you mean by rage, by my anger has been more smouldering, or the kind that's just slowly trickling and cropping up to the surface. I've never been an "angry person", so anger for me is quite muted when compared to some others, but it's nonetheless appearing more frequently and with more intensity.

I attribute this to a lack of self-medication. Usually, when I get enough up pent up stress or anger at something, I experience orgasm, and on especially bad days, several orgasm (more than a couple). That would pretty much top everything off and make me far less... vital.

I actually like being angry, as it lets me deal with it rather than smothering it off with the usual fix. Comparing the two states, anger is preferable.

Sober

The anger is subsiding for now.

It's interesting being the only one at the party late at night under an almost full moon, with everyone around me grooving to an alcohol fueled vibe of lunar madness, and there I am, clear as a bell. Alcohol looks like poison to me now, and so do orgasms, I get a weird feeling in my gut, a kind of revulsion which happens at the same time as when I feel turned on. It's unpleasant.

The best thing in my life now has been singing once a week, toning in hamony with others, such a pure form of vibration. -G