Perfect

Submitted by silentrenewal on Thu, 2009-10-29 21:12
Community topics: 
karezza
growing up
time
long term
maturing
never experienced orgasm
courtship
stages

So here I am looking at Karezza and thinking this is absolutely the way to go forward. I buy the book, make sure my wife sees it, open up the subject a bit and the response was - "We need to let go and just flow like we used to and stop with all this theory."

Let me put this in context, growing up thinking that bonding and loving were the most important factors, then started having sex in the mid-twenties, lived a life of masturbation (mostly through mental imagery) and when the internet came around a bit of e-porn. Had several sexual relationships, in my twenties, the got married before thirty. After reading and experimenting with myself and understanding the highs and low - it's logical for someone to choose Karezza especially when in a committed monogamous relationship, to build a healthy blossoming long term courtship. (That's from my perspective)

But what if your partner has never had an orgasm (which she claims she hasn't) and has not self-experimented and the world of sexuality has been limited - must they go through the roller coaster ride of discovery before coming to a place where Karezza looks so appealing? That is the dilemma in question - any advice from the women out there?

I was browsing the internet and stumbled upon this http://www.bluetruth.org/index.php/Looking_at_Womens_Orgasm_Over_the_Las...

and thought, "How contradictory!" but perhaps it is relevant at certain stages in life and perhaps Karezza is something a person has to mature towards rather than adopt from the get go?

Comments

Submitted by Poet on Fri, 2009-10-30 06:11.

My story is similar to yours. I bought the book, read it in bed right beside my wife, invited her to try Karezza, but all I got was an amused smile. I was active on this site and took heart from what others said. So I tried "stealth karezza":

Quote:

Stealth Karezza

I *thought* I was in the same situation as you, Neil. I thought I had a greater need for affection/intimacy than my wife. It turns out that she was just stronger than I was (i.e. able to tolerate the lack of intimacy without showing symptoms or breaking -- I broke). I've forgotten where it is in this site, but someone recommends always touching when the two of you are talking, even if you are arguing. I tried it. I didn't talk about Karezza. I didn't say I wanted more intimacy. I didn't want to put any more pressure on our relationship. I just did it.

When we were talking about grocery lists and who would clean the bathroom, I just reached across the table and took her hand. I got a surprised look, but she didn't pull away. Then, when I was working in the back garden, she came out with a couple of diet cokes. Instead of just staying where I was, I came over and sat on the stair with her, our thighs touching. As we were talking, she leaned against me. She changed the subject and started talking about how we had grown apart. Then she said we seemed to be coming back together. She started to ask me what had changed, but thought better of it. That was when I realized how much she had been holding back. Skin to skin touch with no agenda is powerful, maybe all the more so if it is spontaneous.

I don't mean to imply that a few touches can change a relationship. In my case, I have been working on changing for several years now. I think that it was a sign to my wife that something really had changed, that I wasn't just reaching out for sex, that I was looking for the same kind of intimacy she was. I think it was something she had almost given up hoping for.

Anyway, cuddling works, whether you give it a fancy name or not.

Good luck!

P.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2009-10-30 10:34.

"lots of ways to skin a cat," as the saying goes. Be patient and keep asking for insights. Maybe try the oracle. It can help you think outside the box. http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/inner_wisdom_oracle

In "Cupid" I suggest those with uninterested (in karezza) partners try a no-orgasm policy for themselves for a few weeks, just to see what they notice. Maybe you can share your "findings" with her, and spark her curiosity.

And Poet's suggestion of daily, non-goal-oriented bonding behaviors is very shrewd, as usual. smiley