Please help me define what counts as a relapse, Im having a tough time drawing the line.

Submitted by JOHNDOE85 on Wed, 2009-11-11 14:42
Community topics: 
porn masturbation addiction

I have a question, Ive been beatin myself up over this and I need your advice. Ok so last night I was at a hotel bymyself. I wanted to watch tv but cable went out, and then wanted to go on internet but that was out also. I kept telling myself not to go further but did. I started to masturbate and then I was off to the races. I went into the magazine isle at a grocery store and started to look at the workout magazines because I konw they would feature some sexy women so I could orgasm. On one of the pictures a girl was in her bra and panties and they were see through. Now I know I was in the wrong to go there and even get that far but if I could see her nipple, would that count as a relapse into porn? It kills me because it I dont know if I should break this completly without any close calls like this or is this common? I looked at her chest bec I wanted to see if her top was really see through bec sometimes I think I see something when I dont. As I write this Im starting to hear how silly this sounds. I guess what im asking is if I just grab a magazine that might be risky and see some nipple action unintentionly does that count as a relapse or does just the act of grabbing the magazine count as a relapse if I know what my intention is. Please help me, I need to know. After hearing my own reasoning I would say just the act of grabbing the magazine or looking at a a channel would be the relapse and porn would just be the end result.

Comments

Submitted by Seeker on Wed, 2009-11-11 14:55.

It does not seem silly. I have been there. I went through a phase of just finding pictures of women that were in erotic and seductive poses.
No nudity or as you say covering themselves without the "naughty" parts showing. I thought I could use this and it would be ok. I am not going to judge or accuse you and say you relapsed to porn. I will say for myself it was the same. The other thing is after using this type for awhile my brain ramped up and wanted more and it got it. It is a slippery slope. I could not manage. I know how you feel there is just so much #$#@ triggers out there. I was in the grocery store earlier today and 20 magazine covers were just there pushing my buttons and the line just would not move.

after all of that it is you that decides what a relapse is I believe. do not feel bad if you do relapse. I have done it many times since my first attempt to stop. do not be harsh with yourself if you do. take everything as a learning experience you can use to go further and further.

good luck to you. Again do not beat yourself up there is just too much porn and porn substitutes out there to avoid the all forever.
be safe.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Wed, 2009-11-11 16:36.

question you ask may not be the best way to frame the question.

The key is what effect it had on YOU.

It's like when people ask me about "tantric orgasm" versus "regular orgasm." The key is what effect the intense stimulation has on the harmony between the couple over the two weeks following.

It doesn't pay to get caught up in categorizing external things. This is a struggle between you and your reward circuitry. Anything that shatters your equilibrium makes your task of returning to balance tougher. And your brain is hungry for its "meds." It's going to rationalize everything as "no problem." smiley

When striving for balance, keeping orgasm in the picture makes it really hard to not reach for exciting cues (whether via flashback or paperback, or computer). Masturbation is a *cue* for sexual fantasy for most folks. That's why it helps to give up all three for a bit when seeking balance.