Day 21 - A brighter future

Submitted by JaylBreak on Sat, 2009-12-05 08:53
Community topics: 
recovery

It feels like it's time for another post. Today is day 21 without orgasm. I have viewed porn a few times in the last 3 weeks and had 1 wet dream. Despite that, I feel again. I feel emotions again. I think drastic changes in lifestyle throw me for a spin. Fortunately I've been able to keep things at a constant recently - exercise, eating, lifestyle. As for the porn viewing, it was around 1.5 weeks when I started looking at it again and for some reason it's been less stimulating every time I go back to it. Including last night - when I fell asleep while the adult movie was still playing in the background! Kinda funny and proud of it at the same time. smiley

My interest in women has heightened, my confidence is up and yes, I'm talking to a cutie. It's only been over email so far but the flirting back and forth seems like it might end up going somewhere. Crossing my fingers. I've seen pictures of her and OMG, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen! I kid you not... she's by far the most beautiful woman I've had a chance with. Hope it goes somewhere. I know my confidence is up and gives me motivation again. And even though I really like this cutie, I'm still going to pursue other relationship opportunities - just in case. I don't want to have a big letdown if it doesn't work out.

I'm still taking things day by day right now. The addiction can crop up anytime, anywhere. The next step is to try to avoid looking at porn at all, completely hands off once again. Looking forward to a brighter future...

JB

Comments

Submitted by Seeker on Sat, 2009-12-05 09:06.

Congrats on the progress. Yeah the addiction can and will crop up at any time. It can throw you for a loop. Yeah I know the part about emotions. I have felt a lot more strong emotions during my attempts to quit this addiction. Looking back I even like the fact that I have cried so much. I think it has helped a lot. You keep all those emotions bottled up and when you do let one out it just explodes. Like bottling all the emotions up and then getting angry your anger just explodes beyond all reason cause your emotions now have a channel to flow through and they all seek that outlet.

I have also felt the detachment to porn when I have viewed it during this process. I agree I have lost much interest in it. I lived to view porn for a long time. Now I just can not get into it like before. That is a good thing I believe.

good luck on the cutie. I am jealous smiley

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sat, 2009-12-05 10:35.

you're finding a balance that works for you, Jayl. Good luck with the goddess!

And, don't feel bad James...Jayl has been floating around here a lot longer than you have!

Submitted by Rockhardington on Sat, 2009-12-05 11:31.

Congratulations on that. Its nice to see the rewards of a richer emotional life come from the tiring work of dealing with this stuff. Those kinds of things inspire me a lot more now. Its inspiring to hear that you are feeling more emotion. Its easy to forget what is happening when you are in withdrawals.

Thats great about the cutie. Dating has been a new chapter in this for me as well. It has its own challenges for sure, but I am finding a lot of the things that I dealt with on my own here to be very relevant in dealing with a relationship. And if you can actually be the emotionally present person that recovery allows then you will have success in relationships I think. When I am in heavy withdrawals I find myself feeling insecure and almost doing the things that might push away a partner. Recognizing these tendencies as being just part of a hangover has allowed me to be easier on myself and I know that I just have to push through or wait it out, which really requires the tools that you learn from recovery.

Good luck, and keep us posted on this

Submitted by JaylBreak on Sat, 2009-12-05 13:42.

I absolutely agree with you. I'm entirely convinced that emotional balance and success in relationships are tightly coupled. I remember a few years ago I wanted to change my success with women but I feared approaching them. I used to force myself to go talk to them, practiced pick-up lines and got rejected all the time. I'm not sure when along the way I decided to focus on getting healthy but when I have been on a long streak of abstinence, I don't fear approaching women at all. I look forward to it and very naturally open the conversation and very rarely get rejected. No worrying about pick up lines. Now, turning that into a relationship ends up fizzling out but that's exactly what happens - it fizzles out instead of getting completely rejected. I guess if I abstain long enough, it's got to leave me in a relationship at some point.

Submitted by time_for_change on Sat, 2009-12-05 15:25.

Really glad things are going well for you JaylBreak, good news indeed smiley

time_for_change

Submitted by t4ytime on Sun, 2009-12-06 08:06.

21 days is my next goal, if not more. The confidence is amazing. Glad to see you successful!