Long distance romance

Submitted by Rachel on Fri, 2009-12-11 16:16
What about...?

Hello all, thank you for such a lovely, informative website.

I've just recently learned of Karezza and have just ordered Marnia's book, but have a question.

My lover and I live far enough away from each other that we only get to see each other on weekends. I haven't told him I'd like to try Karezza yet, but I'm wondering if it will *work* for us since we cannot do the daily bonding exercises?

Does habituation still occur when you only make love every seven days or so? I'm loving everything about the concept and look forward to trying this, but I don't want to make both of us miserable, smiley.

Thank you so much for your advice~

Submitted by Rachel on Fri, 2009-12-11 16:18.

This is not in the right subject area!

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Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2009-12-11 18:03.

Hmmm.... I, personally, haven't had much luck with karezza and long-distance relationships. It seems too much sexual frustration builds up when you're apart.

However, there are lots of ideas you *can* employ from the book (like not forcing each other to orgasm), and the bonding behaviors are still a great addition to regular lovemaking. If he's willing to read the book, the two of you might do some experimenting. Maybe you'll learn something we don't know! smiley

Welcome. I'll enable you to blog.

Submitted by Rachel on Fri, 2009-12-11 18:56.

Trying to plan for tomorrow's visit--I'm thinking perhaps we will try to do bonding behaviors right up until he has to leave for home smiley

I just don't like how sad I get in the ensuing week--I only start to pick up again by day three or four. He seems fine, though~

Lots to think about. Thank you! I'll report back!

rediscovered

Submitted by James Bonding on Sat, 2009-12-12 13:53.

Do you think the sadness is part of an orgasm hangover, and that you wouldn't feel sad if you avoided orgasm?

My experience matches up pretty well with what is said on this site: that orgasm is like an addictive drug. Have an orgasm, and a few days later you want another. I don't experience that as sadness, however (and probably your boyfriend doesn't either), but as an annoying sort of compulsion.

If you want to introduce your boyfriend to karezza, you could try asking him if he feels a lot of sexual tension or compulsion during the week, and if he likes feeling that way. Would he like to be with you just to BE with you, and not so much as a way to (temporarily) relieve his sexual tension?

You could tell him that - hard as it may be to believe - some guys have found that avoiding orgasm actually reduces the tension overall, and increases their energy. And that sex without orgasm is surprisingly pleasant and fulfilling. You could show him the testimonials at http://www.reuniting.info/testimonials. What is there to lose from trying it?

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sat, 2009-12-12 15:42.

You are set to blog, should you so desire.

Submitted by Rachel on Sun, 2009-12-13 18:33.

I just experienced the best sex I've ever had in my lifetime so far (I'm 49) thanks to Marnia's bonding behaviors and suggestions! Wow. I can't even express how beautiful our time together was--so relaxing and so sweet.

We started at 7 pm and didn't realize it was 1:00 am before we took a break--and then started up again for at least another two hours, smiley. This was a first for both of us. We decided we need to keep Power Bars and Gatorade on the night stand next time. smiley

My lover was very excited to do this as it's his favorite type of lovemaking, although he's never really found anyone who was able to grasp the concept in the past. I have the perfect partner for me. We are both very sensual and have so much fun when we are together.

We both did orgasm after many, many hours. But today I'm not feeling sad nor hung over. I'm thinking that was enough bonding time to last until next weekend.

Thank you so much, Marnia. I'm really looking forward to receiving your book this week.

rediscovered

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sun, 2009-12-13 20:01.

You're lucky to have a partner who likes experimenting.

Submitted by Rachel on Mon, 2009-12-14 19:28.

This relationship is wonderful (and a first for me) because of the open communication we have and the willingness we both have to try new things. I feel very, very blessed. It's so nice to feel safe enough to express yourself within an intimate relationship.

To James Bonding: I'm not sure exactly where my sadness was coming from (probably a combination of being apart from someone I love so much as well as too much dopamine!), but I'm not feeling it this time for the first time. Thank you for your suggestions.

rediscovered