I'm still clean, but it's been a rocky 36 hours. Had a little further conversation, in which she made it very clear (almost adamantly) that she's wanting physical activity to resume. And the shoulder angel's having to work hard to out talk the shoulder demon. The thoughts:

Mine - intensely sexual in general, non stop visuals of doing things with her.

The "voices" - do something for her, you know you can avoid it for yourself. You're not being fair to her. You're far too proud of the fact that you're resisting more strongly than she is, in an almost petty way, and there's a perverse delight that she's weakening first. Do something solo so you can still resist the temptation of her. She's probably already solo orgasmed anyway, why deny yourself when she's not. Constantly interpreting the slightest sign from her in tone of voice or behavior that she's solo'ing behind your back. Ultimately you're each responsible for your own sexual needs (lot of couple counseling background and pre-celibacy conversations with her in that totally fucked up concept).

It's only the second time in my life I've gone this long without solo pleasure - and I swear I'm exhibiting mental, emotional, and physical withdrawal symptoms of it.

And I don't think we should deal with it until she reads the books - I've considered trying the books' exchanges, the safer ones, to try to ease her frustration and mine. I'm catching myself having manipulative thoughts, and caught myself pushing the asexual physical contact type limits.