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Day 44 Marital Celibacy
Man - I can't believe I've lasted this long without flying solo - this is the second longest I've ever made it without any form of orgasm, be it masturbation, wet dream, or some form of sexual interaction (9 weeks, once, years ago, then now, then we're talking typically at best 2 weeks typical since late bloomer me figgered out how to do it myself at age 16 
). Libodo's really intense, but not aggressively so. Last night was a smoother exchange for the post-therapy localized/pain relief exchange.
I've managed to find the words and courage to tell her I"m not ready yet - she is quite ready. But as she's yet to resume reading PBTS or touch Cupid, and has been putting off yoga (except once for 3 minutes), has not started the exercise videos, I did lovingly tell her the fact - Saturday morning, she's either going to wake up and do both with me, or wake up to find me already doing them - but that yoga and exercise vid is the only form of working up a sweat Saturday morning.
She knows I"m libido driven - and I want the joint exercise to alleviate joint desire as well as for the healthy/in shape reasons, for her and for myself. I do ask that everyone keep them fingers crossed for me/wishes me luck, because I hope and pray she'll find the yoga and exercise a fulfilling rewarding substitute to her desired brief bout of orgasm-focused sex - and also cross 'em for me that she and I neither one humiliate or degrade ourselves by letting libido get out of control. I'll check in as I can, best wishes to everyone's weekend.
- Lazarus Arisen's blog
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Comments
Fingers are crossed
but, honestly, I wouldn't see it as "degrading" even if you start over. I think I know what you mean, though. You just don't want to start the clock ticking again.
Thank you :)
Some days I'm not sure you can be beat for understanding support even with actual or potential failure
I think humiliate was an accurate choice of words - definitely for me because I've so often humiliated (and degraded) myself when trying to find ANY common ground in our physical relationship for so long. Not that I'm qualified to speak for or even think as she apparently does, but perhaps because of years of "immunity" built up from humiliating rejection or indifference, from my (albeit skewed) perspective, I think she would find sexual rejection or hesitance humiliating. She knows I am not ready, I've said it point blank, and in her perspective she would feel she had demeaned herself if she made a serious advance and I did not leap at the chance, as I have so often pathetically done for over 2 decades. I do think that she will avoid "humiliating" herself entirely if she truly grasps that I am utterly not at all ready for this. Instead, she would simply wait with or without solo attention to her needs until I was "done being weird"
.
I think use of the word "degradation" is more applicable to me, of the two of us. I have finally gotten a modicum of sanity and feeling of healthy stability over my sexual self for the first time in my life, literally, and in my own perspective, I would be degrading myself if I weakened and made an advance - I would lose faith in myself (even I have a tiny amount of pride) - and I would definitely degrade myself if I lost my aversion to solo pleasure - I've come too far to quit now.
And yeah - resetting the clock would f'ing SUCK. Especially when it would most likely be her bread and butter of 15 minutes of wham bam. My sister has laughed at me before, calling me too much of a girl about sex - to which I simply replied "and your point was...?"
Thinking of you
Hi LA,
I'm rooting for you! Have you found anything new or surprising about yourself through this process?
P.
Apologies
With work and home, it's been chaos on my end, did not intend to ignore your post, Poet. I've been withdrawn/roller coastering on a number of things (nothing new, nothing figuratively "fatal"). Unfortunately I have only learned a few tired old lessons - again. Simply haven't had time to blog post.
So she
won't read, eh? I'm sorry.
I wish it were that simple.
Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more; sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.
Oh dear
She read...and didn't like what she read?
Audiobook...
Marnia,
This is where the audiobook would be so helpful.... My wife is the bookworm, so she had no problem reading the book. If things were turned around and she wanted me to read the book... good luck as I am not a keen reader if the information is not of any interest.
originalsponge.
It's a great idea
but its time hasn't yet come, I'm afraid.
Healthy stability
Although I am not partnered, I can relate to this. Since my first orgasm at age 13 (or was it 12?), I have not had as much conscious control over my sexual urge as I do now. That includes the 9 months I spent in a Hindu Ashram practicing total celibacy, even in dreams; the control I have now is deeper, because I am not afraid to turn towards, fully feel, and let go of my sexual urge, whereas in the nine months at the Ashram I hardly even thought of women, always living in fear of doing so, fighting it as much as possible until it became a habit of mind. That was kind of a combination of avoidance / running away, and repression (the spiritual practices DID help greatly too, though). I believe, however, that we can not gain real control that way, by avoiding the urges; only by fully feeling them, and seeing them for what they truly are, and letting them go consciously and in full awareness, is a deeper kind of control achieved. The kind that depends upon wisdom, rather than fighting or running away. And I follow with growing interest your journey with your wife; may you (both) succeed in this path!
Thanks for the words
I've been completely withdrawn for a couple of weeks, I will find time to catch up soon.
Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more; sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.