Hangover differences

I made a comment that I felt there were distinct differences in my perception of hangover following a joint sexual episode with my spouse, versus a retreat to the solo bubble events, whether a one time or a bubble binge. As with us all - I can only describe the viewpoint from my perspective/perception.

Joint sexual encounter - I definitely show the stereotype of wanting it more, every quickly - hell, instantly. I want to hold/cuddle her, let her catch her breath, then see if we can take her farther, higher - my one true addiction has always been the beauty of her orgasm - I simply cannot get enough of it. Oh, pre-surgery, I was wanting to see if we could push me farther, higher as well - but lacking the intact male's erectile response/ejaculation, it definitely quickly became all about her. But then, either pre-or post surgery, I always felt orgasms in me to be enormous long drawn out events, definitely multiple in nature - blessing, curse, doesn't matter. For her, post orgasm - a very quick disconnect, she's wide awake, energized/active, no matter the time of day or night - inevitably post-orgasm, as much as it kills me, we end up watching TV till wee hours on separate pieces of furniture, not even cuddling, holding hands, sitting next to each other, anything. Which for me is the hardest part of all, as that's when I wanted the cuddling, the warm damp skin contact, just feeling each other breathe - even tho she was always the minimal foreplay/wham bam type when it came to conventional sex, I got used to that, no reaching for farther/higher, but the total physical distancing/disconnect was the agony. Literally just as lonely as any masturbation orgasm. Not with the same shame/guilt feelings, however - perhaps a different type of the same thing - the minimal activity and subsequent immediate disconnect leaving me feeling she had only acquiesced to an excessive neediness on my part for the complete bond - short version - if you give Lazarus sex of some form, if you let him feed his beast, sate the cartoon shoulder devil, he'll shut up and go away or at least quit whining for a while. And it used to be true - but not for some time - sometimes people do not look to see change or progress, but continue to have a wrong perception of their partner. I feel that is true here. Anyway - in the ensuing days, she will rapidly (if not immediately) taper off on simple touch/holding hands/anything, unless I force the issue - in essence, unless I beg - which I no longer do. Period. Am I able to be manipulated into sex? Obviously, if I'm having a weak moment, absolutely true. But I like to give myself at least a little credit that falling prey to buttons being pushed when I'm weak/vulnerable is not the same as proactive begging/whining.

There's a big difference in the hangover period duration for us each as well. For me, a rapid cycling thru of feeling humored/placated/patronized while she distances/detaches. Within a day or two at most, I am wondering what (in my head) innovative seduction technique might work - or whether simple straightforward conversation will work. Neither do. So I then vow to never initiate, and of course eventually I weaken, and test the waters, when she's apparently past her touch me not phase, I'll try tentative touch or very gentle flirtation. Which like most train wrecks, she sees coming a mile away.

So - hangover for her, detachment, immediate, and lasting far longer than a coupla weeks. For me, initially very emotional/needing to bond/touch/connect, with and without orgasm, followed by frustration, detachment born of indifference or rejection, shutting down that part of myself (which is no small part of me) until the next window of interest on her part.

Ok - that covers the hangover from joint activity/orgasms - I will complete later with bubble hangover, individual or binge, for both of us, because I realized amidst my retreat about a week and a half ago, that she has a bubble of her own. And it's helping me see a lot of new perspectives.