Day 4 of the 31 Day Experiment

Still doing well, if a more than a little tired and cranky. It's been a crazy week at work and tomorrow is going to prove to be a real bear and I feel that I may be tempted to revert back to my old familiar ways of coping with stress...namely porn and masturbation. But, as I have still not heard from my old nemesis, The Beast, in a few days, I think I'll be better able to chill out with a beer and my TIVO'd episodes of "Poker After Dark" (sounds like a porn title... :O )

That's the thing about relapses. I've found that after many relapses, the impetus to spend all that time and effort on the addictive behavior comes at a higher and higher price, sometimes a price that you are no longer willing to pay. I feel like I am there now. I know I would never have said this a couple of years ago but I can no longer justify the pain and depression I have felt with relapsing any longer. The "payoff" for the "excitement" and "thrill" is no longer (nor, really, has ever been) worth the low self esteem and the disrespect for my relationship with my wife that has always accompanied it. And this feels like it's coming from my heart and soul...not just from my head...big difference!

@ Crow...Yep, I've been tempted to "just peek" at a mildly arousing website but, in the back of my mind, I have the image and the feeling of the last time that happened to me and then all the time and effort I wasted with the futile chasing after image after image with the low self esteem I spoke of above....so I don't even go there...and don't even miss it...so it can be done.