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My Next Marriage

WilliamC's picture
Tue, 2005-05-31 19:18 — WilliamC

This list of tormenting mind states is what I DO NOT want in my next marriage/partnership/relationship.

 Indifference
 Disgust
 Repulsion
 Cravings (for stimulants, drugs, bigger house, more stuff, more money, etc).
 Nervousness
 Doubt
 Remorse
 Suspicion
 Guilt
 Uncertainty as to whether or not sexual expression is good or healthy
 Coldness
 Flightiness and Inconsistency
 Blame
 Difficulties
 Lack of peace
 Power Struggles. Domination, Power Over
 Jealousy
 Abuse Issues
 Pornography
 Dreary Stagnation

This list represents what I DO WANT in my next marriage/partnership/relationship.

 Mutual commitment to learning and growth
 Patience
 Mutual tenderness
 Consideration
 Deep Spiritual Companionship
 Caressive Love
 Warm Embrace
 Peace
 Confidence and self-confidence
 Wise Cooperation
 Power With
 Harmony
 Joy/Fun
 Deep emotional connection
 Consistency
 Vibrancy

J. William Lloyd describes perfectly my deepest desire for sexual relationship.
“… to feed and rejuvenate by contact pressure (touch)… and a mysterious generation, interchange and mutual exchange of subtle processes and forces…. Soul-union, the mystery of love, affection, spiritual companionship and mental inspiration.” (pp21)

When I meditate, I do Metta Practice and I say the following:

May I live in safety
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I live with ease.

I repeat this metta for you, for the benefactor, for the friend, for the neutral person, for the difficult person and for all beings everywhere. IÂ’m thinking of adding another metta practice.

Metta Practice for Me and My Beloved:

May I and my beloved live in safety
May I and my beloved be happy
May I and my beloved be healthy
May I and my beloved live with ease.

IÂ’ve been trying all of my life to find a way to get what I want. Polyamory (open, multiple relationship) has not worked for me. The list of tormenting mind states has nothing to do with the number of people with whom one might be sexual.

Peace Between the Sheets presents very compelling reasoning for why the current paradigm of orgasm based relationship does not work. IÂ’m ready to learn and practice Karezza.

William Cerf
June, 2005

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Tue, 2005-05-31 20:16 — karezzakat
karezzakat's picture

My Next Marriage

How about focusing on what you DO want in your next relationship. I've counseled a number of people through the years on relationship issues, and I can tell you unequivocally that the biggest reason that I see for relationships failing (aside from the chemical chain reaction that Marnia speaks about), is that partners start putting their attention on what they DON'T appreciate about their partners, instead of what they DO really love and cherish about their beloved. What you focus on expands - put you attention on what you don't want, and you'll get a LOT MORE of it!
 
Cheers!
 
Greg

Quote:
----- Original Message -----
From: Singles Issues (singles)
To: singles (singles)
Sent: Tuesday, May 31, 2005 12:18 PM
Subject: My Next Marriage

This list of tormenting mind states is what I DO NOT want in my next marriage/partnership/relationship.

 Indifference
 Disgust
 Repulsion
 Cravings (for stimulants, drugs, bigger house, more stuff, more money, etc).
 Nervousness
 Doubt
 Remorse
 Suspicion
 Guilt
 Uncertainty as to whether or not sexual expression is good or healthy
 Coldness
 Flightiness and Inconsistency
 Blame
 Difficulties
 Lack of peace
 Power Struggles. Domination, Power Over
 Jealousy
 Abuse Issues
 Pornography
 Dreary Stagnation

This list represents what I DO WANT in my next marriage/partnership/relationship.

 Mutual commitment to learning and growth
 Patience
 Mutual tenderness
 Consideration
 Deep Spiritual Companionship
 Caressive Love
 Warm Embrace
 Peace
 Confidence and self-confidence
 Wise Cooperation
 Power With
 Harmony
 Joy/Fun
 Deep emotional connection
 Consistency
 Vibrancy

J. William Lloyd describes perfectly my deepest desire for sexual relationship.
“… to feed and rejuvenate by contact pressure (touch)… and a mysterious generation, interchange and mutual exchange of subtle processes and forces…. Soul-union, the mystery of love, affection, spiritual companionship and mental inspiration.” (pp21)

When I meditate, I do Metta Practice and I say the following:

May I live in safety
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I live with ease.

I repeat this metta for you, for the benefactor, for the friend, for the neutral person, for the difficult person and for all beings everywhere. IÂ’m thinking of adding another metta practice.

Metta Practice for Me and My Beloved:

May I and my beloved live in safety
May I and my beloved be happy
May I and my beloved be healthy
May I and my beloved live with ease.

IÂ’ve been trying all of my life to find a way to get what I want. Polyamory (open, multiple relationship) has not worked for me. The list of tormenting mind states has nothing to do with the number of people with whom one might be sexual.

Peace Between the Sheets presents very compelling reasoning for why the current paradigm of orgasm based relationship does not work. IÂ’m ready to learn and practice Karezza.

William Cerf
June, 2005

Tue, 2005-05-31 23:11 — Arjay
Arjay's picture

For William

Yes, it does sound great!

Quote:
J. William Lloyd describes perfectly my deepest desire for sexual relationship.
“… to feed and rejuvenate by contact pressure (touch)… and a mysterious generation, interchange and mutual exchange of subtle processes and forces…. Soul-union, the mystery of love, affection, spiritual companionship and mental inspiration.” (pp21)

It looks like you have been asking some good questions of yourself. Of course focusing on the positive helps. Remember the mind game of being told “don’t think of an Elephant” ? Trying to not think of something makes you first focus on what you don’t want to think of, right? Simply knowing what you want and don’t want is of course a good thing. If you can not discriminate between the two you get what you get.

I speak from experience, not assuming your experience is necessarily the same. Yet if we have past issues with having lived with what we discovered we donÂ’t want, there are now tools referenced on this board which can erase the reactivity associated with that and allow it to simply dissolve as a matter of any concern. If there are behavioral patterns which keep us from reaching out and asking for what we do want, or believing that we donÂ’t deserve that, or not being the kind of person who we believe would attract that, then there are also tools on this board that will enable us to become who and what we can imagine ourselves to be.

And we really do need to know where to focus our attention. Knowing that however, often gets us only part way there. The rational mind is like a cork in the ocean, it bobs around on the waves and currents of the subconscious (locked in the neural connections, reflexive chemical reactions and short circuits of our energy). Sometimes our desire is counter to the underlying currents and the currents win. Making a decision to change - like a new years resolution - has an imperfect track record for most of us. To change the way we see ourselves, others and life we may need assistance. Lucky we are in this day to have the tools to make such a change and gain such clarity.

Imagine ... what if our words and self talk had no counter intention in the unconscious. thatÂ’s the day I look forward to.

For myself as well, the tomorrow I want will look very much like the lines you quoted from The Karezza Method or Magnetation - The Art of Connubial Love.