Daily thoughts

Submitted by Seeker on Sun, 2010-03-07 19:28
Community topics: 
masturbation pornography recovery

Brahmacharya wiki. after reading this wiki entry and the link in it I have decided to order the book. although the link is not about the book it does sound close.

My reading list is changing a lot. I have 2 novels, reading one now, that I will finish and then I will be putting fiction on hold for awhile. Not sure how long. I have not done much reading of non-fiction. I guess I will just take it as another change. My stack of non-fiction stuff is growing. I will probably even reread Cupid after I finish Sovatsky's book. I have been wanting to reread it anyway. I was not nearly as clear when I read it the first time as I am now. I also need to get to working with my grammar book I ordered. I need to be ready for classes when they start this summer.

I will give some thoughts on this book after I read it. I will be receiving it Wednesday if the shipping holds up.

So I will see what insights I can gain from reading this book.

Well the walk through nature was good today. I should do it more often because it does help. Walking with the pup made it even better. A little stress because some of the gators were a little close and nothing between us and them smiley. It is not bad though they really do not come after people (well not very often smiley ).

Cravings seem to have been coming and going today. Nothing bad really just enough so that I know they are still there. I still have to be careful. I am watching a series that does have some nude scenes and some sex scenes. I still just close my eyes through those parts. I feel it safer that way. I can still hear things but not seeing makes it easier to get through. No need to trigger or temp my self just to watch a show. It is not too bad though and the series is really good. So learning to deal with that sort of thing as best I can.

well some thoughts for today
Be Safe
James

Comments

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sun, 2010-03-07 21:14.

you amaze me. Really.

I don't know what *I* even think about that book yet. Haven't read it all. I just figured it would be interesting for some of you to hear another man's take on the process. 'Course he made his experiment in the seventies...before Internet porn. smiley

Watch out for those gators. I hope your pup has sense enough not to mess with them. Thanks again for sharing your pics.

Submitted by Seeker on Mon, 2010-03-08 02:51.

It does sound interesting. I was reading from the first few pages on Amazon. That is a nice feature on Amazon were you can read the first few pages of a book. I need to expand my reading habits. It has been all fiction for the most part. About all I have read outside of fiction has been school related and I have not been in school for many years. As I said I will let you know what I think about that. The Brain That Changes Itself is on my wish list at Amazon smiley also. A few others things are interesting to me but I need to read some of what I have before I order anything else smiley.

He was very calm except for the when the rabbit ran by in front of us. Did not get a pic of him smiley.

Submitted by Seeker on Wed, 2010-03-10 03:23.

Exercise does help in a crisis. I am dong well with toastmasters. OK not well but I am going and I am interacting with people outside of work and family. That is major step for me. Just the driving is enough stress.

Anxiety and stress where nearly overwhelming last night after I got home from the meeting. I felt the cravings and urges at 10 on all fronts. I even just wanted to hit the porn sites. It was that bad. If not for all I have learned over the last year and all the support here. I would have been in binge session last night. Well I was able to calm myself. I then spent an hour on the treadmill. That helped burn off much energy.

I managed to make it through and even slept OK. Not many hours but I slept about as good as I have in almost a year so that is something. Not slept well so not great sleep either.

good is that I did not give any to any cravings or urges and I feel much better this morning.

As is said on here. find some kind of distraction. What ever it takes when those overwhelming urges and cravings strike.

thanks everyone
Be Safe
James

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Wed, 2010-03-10 08:35.

Sounds like your limbic brain is no longer running the show. The fact that you slept is also impressive, given how stressful the evening was. My sense is that when I start to take constructive steps to solve a problem, my nervous system is actually more relaxed than if I avoid it. Maybe it's the same for you.

Thanks for your courage, and for looking after yourself. AND for letting us know of your struggle and your progress.

Submitted by Seeker on Wed, 2010-03-10 14:02.

I had to release some of the sexual tension. I did not give in to anything. I used the technique of letting the arousal happen and just let the feelings wash over me. No touching, no fantasy, no images, no porn or anything. Just the feelings. I put positive thoughts and things in my head while feeling this to keep the fantasy and images away. I will say it does feel really good. I get that dopamine rush without the orgasm fallout. I am also at a point where that surge is not triggering me to go further. After few minutes of Pleasure this way I just let it go. Well the arousal does not go away that quickly smiley. Not sure why it feels as good as it does but if it releases the tension with out me going further I will use it as needed. I have not had to do this for a couple weeks I think. I hope to go a few more or longer without needing to use it. I guess that stress of last night and all those feelings had to be released somehow. I will keep an eye out and see how I feel. I do now have a slight headache on each side of the back of my head. Much different than that dull ache at the front of my head after orgasm. I will take that as a positive sign.

Thought I would give another update on how things are going and how I am dealing with this episode of urges and cravings.

Be Safe
James

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Wed, 2010-03-10 14:58.

Sounds like you might be writing a very useful wiki one of these days. smiley

Submitted by Crow on Wed, 2010-03-10 14:25.

James,

Good to hear of someone who is employing this technique. I have read many therapists who promote this as the best way to face the compulsion.

So it seems it allows you to make a choice whether or not to act and then get past the intensity to the other side........probably very empowering?

This seems to be a "light bulb" for me.

Any other tips during this process? Many of the ideas here suggest cognitive behavioral methods like distraction, waiting 15 minutes, breathing techniques, etc.

Thoughts?

Crow

Submitted by Seeker on Wed, 2010-03-10 14:52.

I have used all those other suggestions also. I even used the distraction last night. I got home and the urges were great so I just got on the treadmill till I was exhausted and went to bed that worked. Well the feelings were strong today. Nothing like urges or cravings for masturbation or porn. I was doing exercise all day even at work when I get a chance. what ever I can do at break and lunch or work in without interfering with my job. So that was helping also.

Tips on the process I use. I will warn that I tried this back months ago and ended up in a binge. I was scared to try it again. I have come a long way since then though. I decided to give it a try again after the experience I had during my last masturbation to orgasm mini binge.
this was the last time I masturbated to orgasm
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3330#comment-16749
This is the event that I think allowed me to do what I am doing now. Not sure how to explain how to do it.
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3330#comment-16768
I have not tried that again yet. The close as I allow myself to get is what I did today. I feel that more in my whole body and just try and move some energy. I do not allow it to do what it did that day. I still think what every I was able to do that day changed me. I have been much more in control and stable since then. Not perfect but I feel in control now rather than fighting it all the time

Hope this helps.

Submitted by Seeker on Fri, 2010-03-12 03:13.

Well I was able to distract myself with reading long enough to fall asleep smiley. So I did well again last night. It is amazing how stress from a few days ago has kept my urges and cravings high for so long. I guess it really is not amazing. I suppose I just did not realize how stressful the day had been. I am sure most people would not even rate is as mildly stressful. I have a ways to go to get used to social interactions that are new to me I guess. Well not new but I have been hiding from them and self medicating the feelings away for so long they might as well be completely new experiences. I at least have to deal with them in a new way. I have to face them and figure out how to deal with it in a healthy manner. Hiding and using m/p/o/f is just not an option any more.

Hope everyone else is doing well.
Be Safe
James

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2010-03-12 09:19.

I find the thing that makes stressful events linger is replaying them in my head. smiley I've finally caught on that that's not such a hot idea...now that I've been learning about brain plasticity.

Submitted by Seeker on Fri, 2010-03-12 09:52.

i am going to have to work on that i still replay stuff in my head from 20 years ago or more. i replay current stuff over and over maybe the new book will help with that meditation and yoga i hope can help clear my mind as well as being in nature iknow that helps