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Training to Control

Sat, 2010-03-13 04:56 — Cole

A revelation has come about recently, and I've been intending to write about it.

It arose in responding to life's blog, and some links from that answer fell into place recently. So I thought I would share them here.

One, I should say my goal isn't to never have another orgasm. Indeed, I will probably do it later, both with my wife, and occasionally by myself if the mood hits.

But what I do want to do is gain control, to be the one who decides when I will have one, instead of just allowing my body to demand, demand, demand one after another at every available and possible opportunity. The science behind the chemical cycle that Marnia's brought out shows that not only is it better to have fewer and farther apart, but to do so with the right approach to minimize the cycle, maybe even make it only a blip on the screen, obliterated by the great feelings it has produced.

What I had suggested to life on his blog is a tactic to abstain when the feeling grows and you are wanting to m/o. I said you can simply and firmly tell yourself "no" as if you were saying it to a dog whose about to eat something he shouldn't, etc. A determined and firm "no" said aloud can be a good way to shake yourself back to reality, and give your rational mind a way to keep you in line.

But the whole dog training thing began to make sense to me. My son has watched a lot of "Dog Whisperer." And he's learned a lot watching it on how to train dogs. He's related some of the ideas behind it to me in the past, and he's trained out dog to obey.

One of the things our dog does is go sit by the glass sliding door, wanting to go into the backyard. He patiently (or not so patiently as the case may be) waits for someone to come open the door for him.

Now, I'm lazy. When he's there, I go and open the door, he flies out, and I shut it. I'm done and back to what I'm doing.

But not my son. My son has learned that to make the dog respect you, you have to exert your authority and control over the dog. So what he's trained our dog to do is my son will put his hand on the glass door, and use a signal that tells the dog to sit down and keep its eyes on him. Then he'll open the door, but the dog still sits there, watching my son. My son will usually wait a couple to a few seconds before giving him the command that its all right to go out. Then the dog will dart out the door.

It dawned on me that this is what I'm doing with my training in the last few weeks. I've been saying, "You can do it at this time, but not at this time. You'll have to wait." And like a dog in training, I've waited until I was allowed. Sticking out tongue

So far this has helped me to train myself in self-control. I actually feel now that I have more control over this than I thought I did. I can say "no" and mean it.

Feeling like I have some control is cool. I know I still have a ways to go, and may find when I go for longer periods that I fall off the wagon more than once, but at least I know that I can have control over this. If I train myself like a dog gets trained, it just might work. :D

Comments

Sat, 2010-03-13 06:08 — Marnia
Marnia's picture

I think you're onto something

After all, the part of the brain that gives us our sexual impulses is the limbic system, and it's surprisingly similar in all mammals. Smiling

Mon, 2010-03-15 00:32 — getting_my_life_back
getting_my_life_back's picture

Yes i can totally relate

Hey! Yes I understand what you mean, you know, I would say that are still primitive animals, our mind though can win on our body, you have to tell your brain stop. As if you were not controlling, like your mind was trapped in your body and not your mind controlling your body. But me too, I think I am gaining confidence and willpower wich helps with mb addiction and porn addiction too. It's like the people that can't stop from going to fast food and have healt problems. They are not necesssary able to control theirslef. What annoys me is that porn addiction isnt totally considered as an addiction nor as fat and sweet food addiction.

We are still animals, but we have some kind of conscience. I think that's why there is some people saying that god is inside everyone. Though I am not one of these, I do not believe too but, we are able to do brillant things and we are able to act like animals too.

I still find funny how we act like dogs, for real, but we don,t have people other than us on mb addiction to tell us to stop wich is hard. «i never heard anyone on the TV saying, masturbation is bad if done too much. I've never been warned of porn's risk.

This is the problem, everybody knows cocaine is bad but, porn? Is it? Some people say it's harmless, like I used to think until we find what it is, really.

Keep up the good work!

P.S.
Yeah, sorry I think I went away a little from the subject.

Mon, 2010-03-15 01:57 — Marnia
Marnia's picture

As Gary says

today's porn (ever-novel, ever-kinkier Internet video) is really a new thing. I think humanity is about to learn that it is, indeed, dangerous. It will take time to learn this lesson, though, in part because orgasm is such a powerful reinforcer...and we all assume orgasm is purely beneficial. Our ignorance about orgasm's full effects has left us very vulnerable to porn.

Humanity will figure this out. As my husband says, "People used to use radiation indiscriminately, assuming it was good for them...until it began to cause cancer." Some lessons just take time.

Mon, 2010-03-15 03:56 — Cole

Yes, and the availability is easier

When I first started looking on line for porn, it was easy enough to find. At first, back in the 90s when I first got online, you could find some pictures. Streaming video was in its infancy. Usually to see those pictures, however, you had to pay some money. I never felt good about giving my credit card info to such people, even if they promised not to charge it, that it was just to identify me as an adult for the "free" stuff.

So I wasn't able to get much over the Internet. But then I found a site that showed pictures for free, no card or anything, so you could remain totally anonymous. Then toward the late 90s, streaming videos became more prevalent, and with that streaming porn. But as before, while you could find free pictures easily enough now, the videos you'd usually have to pay to see.

Then in the early part of this decade, some sites began feeding tantalizing bits, usually of just 1-3 minute segments, designed to make you want to pay money to get the whole video. But these really began to fuel my porn, because I could throw those vids in Media Player and let them play over and over while I did my thing.

Then I found this site that had longer bits, usually 6-8 minutes or so, totally free. And I figured out how to explore all the vids they had, not just the ones they listed. What they had done is take a full video and break it into parts, and offer various segments at various times so you never had the whole thing. But I could download them all and piece them together if I wanted, but what I found were about three vids that I particularly liked.

It has only been in the last few years, 2005-2007, that I found full length, hard core porn for no money or even registering. One site is the equivalent of the youtube for porn. The other had full length, professional videos that were handed out, with the intention of more like that if you signed onto their service. But I could go there any time, without paying a dime or saying who I was, and watch full length hard core porn.

That last one I had found toward the beginning of 2009. I have no idea when they started, they may have been there for a long time and I just never ran across them until then.

But the point being, the Internet has progressively offered more and more porn for totally free over the course of the last few years until now it is easy to get full hardcore porn for totally free and remain anonymous. So the easy with which today's kids can view the most hardcore stuff will most likely show up in our society's future inner rot. Just as the Roman Empire fell because of corruption from the inside, we face that today. And porn plays one part in that.

When I was a teen, there was no Internet. I didn't see porn at all, unless it was a picture in a magazine. One time my mom "married" this guy (he lasted about a week). When he moved in, he had a whole stack of Playboys that he'd collected, and put in the garage. That was my first real ability to view "porn" which by today's standards is pretty tame. But for a long time, that was the extent of porn in most teen lives, other than getting the real thing with a girl.

I feel for the teens in today's world. It is hard enough as an adult dealing with this stuff. When you grow up with it, yikes. Time will tell the damage it ends up doing to this generation.

Mon, 2010-03-15 10:00 — Seeker
Seeker's picture

all of that sounds very

all of that sounds very similar to how I got started with porn. Mags first then slowly ramping up as the internet stuff got to be more and more. Like you say now you can find full length stuff for free all day long as long as you want to look. You can even get it without going to a site. It is just crazy the amount of stuff out there. Sorry I better stop thinking about it. I may be separated from it for a long time no need to "test" myself with thoughts.

I talked about the effects on teens and even younger kids a few months ago. I have no idea how much of a mess I would be in if I had discovered full length vids like are no available on the web at the age of 10 or even younger and started watching them. I am not sure how you would break that hold. It is just going to be bad for a lot of kids soon. It is bad enough for adults and to get hooked after you are an adult. To get hooked on the hardcore stuff at preteen years is just going to be a mess.

Mon, 2010-03-15 20:50 — getting_my_life_back
getting_my_life_back's picture

Just a little question

Were any studies done on porn? Its side effects on the brain or, only on porn addiction? Realy, we have to do something.

I am an example of the damage porn can do to your brain and body, I think, people just started saying that porn was bad. And as soon as you say it, on tv or forums people "throw rocks at you" they don't wanna face that they have an addiction and that this is ruining their lives, because they like it

Mon, 2010-03-15 21:35 — Seeker
Seeker's picture

This site and the wiki pages

This site and the wiki pages are a good start. So just keep posting your experiences. It will help you and others. Many people visit this site and never post and setup an account. They read all of the stuff though. They use it. It helps more people than you might think. So just keep dong what you are doing It helps and it is a start.

Wishing you well
Be Safe
James

Mon, 2010-03-15 23:40 — Cole

Porn, and the voices

Well, there have been voices saying porn is bad for as long as porn has been around. Difference is, earlier the voices were "religious zealots who didn't want anyone to have fun" or "Victorian prudes." Or at least, that's how they would be perceived by the masses. Most "scientific" studies and conclusions were that sex, masturbation, orgasms, etc., are how we are designed to operate and express ourselves, and is a good form of cheap entertainment.

But now that we have studies showing that orgasms can produce the chemical imbalances in our lives that drive away romantic partners rather than draw them together, it appears those early studies may not have told the whole picture, and those zealots perhaps has more of a basis to call for restraint than first believed. What's different now is the voices are not so easily dismissed once no longer attached to a particular belief system, but based in actual biological realities.

Tue, 2010-03-16 03:31 — oscar

More research absolutely

needs to be done on porn addiction. I think it is ridiculous that with all of the free porn that is out there on the internet these days, that most experts still claim that porn doesn't pose a risk and is not addicting. I wish that these "experts" could have grown up with the internet of today. They would see this issue in a new light. I started in 7th grade with porn, and haven't really realized I had an addiction until college. I believe that some damage has definitely been done.

Tue, 2010-03-23 03:27 — getting_my_life_back
getting_my_life_back's picture

yes totally true

Yes, me too I have a similar problem,
Imagine that you were an alchoolic and people were like, "Addiction to alcool isnt true, it is stupid", this is not even imaginable.
It is exactly the same thing with porn. Undread of Billions are made with porn (maybe I am exagerating a little here). These "experts" maybe they were bribed. No one wants people to believe in porn addiction

Tue, 2010-03-23 04:10 — Marnia
Marnia's picture

It's definitely billions

But Oscar's right, too. A lot of the problem has been institutionalized ignorance due to the assumption that all porn is the same: harmless. A little brain chemistry knowledge is going to sort that problem out. Eye-wink But it will take time, and I'm sorry for all the beautiful men who have been caught in the problem without warning.

I do think the flashbacks will fade with time, but you may have to make up your mind to do without porn completely. You'll probably always be somewhat overly reactive to porn cues.

On the other hand, real sex will be a lot more interesting without porn in the picture or in your mind.

Remember, women evolved to compete with palms, not with synthetic, extreme porn videos. Eye-wink