attraction to transsexuals

Yes I have the exact same feelings when I see random pics of shemales from the porn sites I browse but I find they arouse me only when I binge on porn. I've never given in to viewing them though, I let them pass and don't give in to the urges and I find the attraction fades away when I abstain.

I wonder if "trannys" are also a symbol of a search for inner balance. The ancient Greeks, for example, made statues of hermaphrodites (http://www.reuniting.info/images/herm6.jpg), apparently as a representation of attaining spiritual balance. Of course, in real life, the Greeks put hermaphrodite babies to death at birth. So the ideal was purely an intellectual, or spiritual, one for them.

The ancient mystery schools seem to have been based on the idea of becoming "whole", as an aspect of attaining transcendence. See for example,

http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/divine_androgyne_michael_winn_spiritual...

Promoting deep feelings of wholeness (instead of lack after over-stimulation via orgasm) is the principle behind sacred sex practices like karezza, too.

between a man in South America and me. It is loosely related to the point you're making, David, about transexual images representing control over both male and female forces as a path to deeper wholeness (and improved spiritual outlook).

I'm really thinking of the deep and wide importance of the efects of orgasm. It certainly creates a paradigma, and I believe it has effects beyond relationship problems.

I believe the perceptual shifts behind orgasm are at the root of values and customs of our culture: the Patriarchy. I remember the books of Riene Eisler ("The Chalice and the Sword", and "Sacred Pleasure") [have you read it?], where she marks the difference between Patriarcal and what she calls "Matriztic" Cultures (the term belongs to chilean biologist Humberto Maturana, who has written about "biology of love" as the foundation of the human).

Well, matristic cultures have existed in Europe, Middle East and India before the invasion of warrior tribes who imposed the patriarcal system, with which we have war, slavery, female oppression, and sexual double standard (repression and abuse-separation). Matriztic cultures were, for example, Ancient Europe Civilization, Indo Civilization, Ancient China, Creta, etc.

Tantra and Taoism come from matriztic roots, so I'm sure Matriztic and no-orgasmic sexuality are common. It's very important, because Riene Eisler's work does not explain why patriarcal culture perceives reality so different to matriztic.

So, I believe no-orgasmic approach is the "missing link" which explain (sociologically, anthropologically and psychologically) why Patriarchy feels that sex is bad (=addiction) and why it oppresses women, and why the world looks like a bad and hostile place.

The implications are huge, because we can set the axis orgasmic/trasorgasmic in an anthropological field. Of course it connects us with the myths of separation as Adan & Eva and Prometheus (Pandora's box is what humanity opened when we passed from matriztic to patriarcal culture, and it also is re-experienced on a smaller scale each time we have orgasm).

No-orgasmic experience is perhaps the missing link that connects psychology with sociology and anthropoogy. Riene Eisler in "Sacred Pleasure", her amazing book about sexuality and gender differences in the Patriarchy, does not see this link.

So I continue writing and reading (your books and others). Have you read Andreé Van Lysebeth's "Tantra, the cult of the Femenine". He also speaks about patriarchy and its sexual problems. He says Tantra came from Ancient Europe to Ancient India, so we all (descendants of European) must have tantra in our roots (collective inconscious).

Bits of my response:

I have not read Eisler's book, but I know of her thesis, as I have read it other places. Many women have similar ideas. Most therefore (indirectly) conclude that the goal of a healthy society is emphasizing the role of the earthly feminine: procreation. Frankly, I think that focus is also out of balance. In fact, I see patriarchy as a painful, but necessary wake-up call. The misery it is causing is forcing us to ask larger questions. Are we just here to procreate? Note that India and China ultimately procreated themselves right into starvation, as are other groups today. Personally, I believe the mission of the divine feminine is about the reunion of male and female for a higher end: spiritual awakening.

I'm not awake yet. But that's what I believe in my heart. So this seems to be what's buried in *my* unconscious.

In short, I don't think the chalice or the blade is the answer. As you say, the answer may be this union without orgasm, which is not geared toward procreation, but rather toward strengthening an inner sense of wholeness...thus facilitating realignment with Spirit.

I have often had thoughts similar to yours about the possible signfiicance of different ways of approaching sex. Your thoughts call to mind an old book called "Sex and Culture" by JD Unwin. Even I find it almost impossible to read, so I don't recommend it.

The author looked at lots of cultures and found that societies function worse as women become more promiscuous. Now, that might just sound like he's a male chauvinist, but actually his conclusion was that there would be no solution to this problem until women were regarded as equals...and mates *chose* to remain monogamous.

In the past, men have forced women occasionally into chastity, but it requires treating them like chattels (think Middle East), and eventually sons and brothers don't want the women in their lives treated so badly - nor do the women! So it never lasts. Promiscuity increases and societies crumble....

To me it seems evident that we need an approach that makes mates *want* to stay together because they find each other adorable. I think an emphasis on daily affection, and a de-emphasis on using each other to over-stimulate the reward circuitry of the brain with too much orgasm, is the way to go.

And, sure enough, as you point out, this solution is very ancient, and apparently was well-known in more matriarchal societies...or at least societies that valued "yin" qualities and balance between the sexes.

and yes, it will be hard. For a while, the world may seem unusually gray and meaningless without your routine and the altered state it produces. You may also be pretty cranky.

The problem is that the situation may continue to escalate, as your pleasure centers are over-stimulated. If so...there's no lasting contentment possible on that trajectory. So just be observant.

As for content, I'm with Seeker. The brain can find absolutely ANY weird thing arousing, if we wire it that way (or wired something in as a kid). So it doesn't pay to analyze content too much. Think of OCD patients washing their hands a million times. Analyzing the situation ("Doorknobs may have germs.") won't alter the brain loop. Only re-wiring - turning their attention elsewhere when the urge to act arises - will weaken the synapses in the brain. A concerted effort is needed, Assuming you decide you want to dump the association. And, the truth is that you will have to stay away from those triggers indefinitely unless you want to reactivate the pathway.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well. Until men and women figure out better how to nurture and balance each other, these problems of habituation between partners are going to continue. And people will continue coping all different ways.

arania wrote:

Hi All,
For years I enjoyed looking at nude girls on the internet, including mild porn. that changed when I discovered sites featuring transsexuals. I became enamored with the amazing beauty of many "trannys" and their "male" genitalia. The combination of female beauty and male sex is fascinating and to me very erotic. I enjoy creating erotic stories regarding encounters with trannys (shemales). I was wondering if any of you have similar feelings and urges. I still like looking at girls, it just added another dimension to my erotic mind.

I might be the odd man out here but I don't think that's a problem! A lot of people are attracted to non-binary gendered folks. Do you think trans-people are just not supposed to be with anyone? Of course not! Everyone deserves to find someone, so it doesn't make sense to assume that no healthy cisgendered people would find them attractive. I recommend you don't refer to them as "trannies" though. It's considered an offensive term. Also, the transsexuals in porn are not representative of what a real trans-person would look like. They end up going on and off hormones in a big unhealthy roller coaster to keep their male genitalia while still having breasts. Being attracted to this may not be healthy because these PEOPLE are not healthy. But being attracted to trans-people is not a problem. I have lots of friends who are bi or pansexual who love the combination of the sexes being present in one person. Porn teaches us that an intersex or a trans body is some kind of circus novelty, but it doesn't have to be. More people are born intersex or to some degree not perfectly male or female than our society wants to admit. I think it's a good thing for people to be open-minded about love.

Of course if you can't see yourself loving a person like this and are only interested in them for the novelty or the kink then it's worthwhile to try to move away from it.