Honest Confession

Submitted by simpleton on Thu, 2010-04-29 13:08
Male - Female Issues

Its great pleasure to tell u people that this is my 15 th day without masturbation or porn. I have been trying to get hold of this monster for the past 5 years but it always got away and kept winning (& me always losing). Its been eating me for the past decade and a half . I started off into this dangerous world with just a bit of curiosity but slowly and slowly got so much entangled into it . i found it was impossible to live without these . i have lost my social ability to a large extent , got only little bit to get on with my things . I am nothing more than walking dead body . Going to office , eating ,drinking ,sleeping .. Relationships have become an old story.
As i started trying no orgasm, i am beginning to see rays of hope. I keep reading materials from this site every morning and evening , getting motivated to carry on with my resolve to become normal ,healthy and to be able to contribute my part to the rest of the society .The feeling of power is returning back slowly . Without the help of this site i could have never come this far. My entire perspective of sex and love is renewed as i got to learn that orgasm IS the real culprit. I was helplessly drawn into cycle of POIS and masturbation. Even i am seeing improvement in how i am relating to my colleagues . i am feeling my personality improving ... Please do guide me what further need to be done to make myself back into a healthy well rounded loving individual , as i have spent most of my youth as a prisoner to this habit (the only one , no smoking , no drinking as my name itself suggest) .

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Thu, 2010-04-29 14:03.

I'm glad you're noticing improvements. Ultimately you have to "reward" your brain somehow. Feeling better and gaining a clear understanding of how it all happened can be very inspiring and comforting. But connecting with your fellow humans to exchange friendly interaction is probably the *best* way to stabilize your progress...that, and helping others who might be trapped - by sharing what you're learning.

As my husband says, "More people are going to find porn addictive than drugs or alcohol, because pursuing sex is a program inherent in all of us." Often people turn away from excess stimulants because the experience is too intense...or the hangover too obvious. But who doesn't like an orgasm? smiley And who clearly makes the connection between the pleasurable cause and the full effect?

So, welcome to the human race! There's nothing wrong with YOU. Your genes just fell for synthetic stimulation.

Your question is a good one. What things have you already found to help the most? Exercise? Reading uplifting materials? Martial arts or yoga? Interacting? Helping others? Think about what our tribal ancestors would have done to feel good (since they didn't have porn sites smiley ). Your brain is growing more sensitive. It will find all of those "natural" ways of feeling good feel better and better.

Blog if you like.

And CONGRATULATIONS on your progress! Hopefully the mood swings will become less frequent from now on. (However, their intensity won't necessarily decrease right away.)

Submitted by diamondsoul22 on Thu, 2010-04-29 14:58.

Congratulations on great progress made!!! i agree that discovering this sight has been really key in stregthening resolve to abstain from P and O's. In a way i guess, arriving to this realization counts as a spiritual awakening. Good luck with everything. And thats great that you dont drink and smoke....less monsters to tame. Its not being a simpleton at all...Its just smart

Diamond

Submitted by Seeker on Thu, 2010-04-29 15:20.

I will also so say congrats on your progress. You sound like you are doing very well. It does feel good to get a handle on this addiction.
You are doing well keep it up. I also do not drink or smoke or do any drugs and never have. Porn I did to the extreme though. Masturbation as well.

Wishing you well
Be Safe
James

PS I would write more but that @#%@ headache is coming back smiley

Submitted by simpleton on Thu, 2010-04-29 20:13.

Thanks for your replies smiley . Marnia keep up the good work and i would be definitely like to be of some help to other folks .For the past two weeks i had to fight temptation to watch porn or to masturbate now it seems mind is waking up with a new trick }smiley .Its starting up with self created imaginations but i am not going it let it have its way. As has been encouraged here this all powerful sexual energy is to be used for my own growth and development , i am planning to carry this further . The biggest issue with POIS was costant feeling of stress and headache . Earlier I would release the stress with meditation or yoga stretches but this thing will again get built up . i should tell after 2 week the headache , stress is still coming (reduced slightly ) but i have read somewhere in an article that this is just because of the sexual energy built up and not finding its way to other centers like in the naval or heart . Hope this energy will be moving to better places , as my system is recovering and guessing what to do with this energy . The options are either to let it out (the one i usually did for years) or to let it in and use it for better .Most importantly there is a natural glow coming to my faces and eyes and surely my sensitivity to little thing around me growing (the walking ,the trees ,small kid playing ) .Too good to be true .Never knew that wonderful life was just around the corner .Definitely needed guidance that i got from this site to see and go for it . I am beginning to get the feeling to connect with them .I am not going to ignore others anymore. Definitely i will start with exercise and reading good things . Will keep posting about new development .....thanks again . smiley . Seeker , best of luck for u too ..

Submitted by Rockhardington on Thu, 2010-04-29 20:31.

I was a little surprised to find out that the culprit of my social anxiety and depression had to do with orgasm as well. I was convinced after having experimented with abstinence and saw my symptoms fluctuate to such extremes. I know what you mean by feeling like you are the walking dead, I still feel that way at times. It gets better, hang in there and stay patient.

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato

Submitted by Courage on Thu, 2010-04-29 22:01.

Thanks for sharing your positive experiences. It's great to hear the positive experiences from abstaining and not only the negative, it reinforces why we're doing this.

Submitted by simpleton on Fri, 2010-04-30 12:44.

I was caught up in a storm . It came on to me strong and i felt it was definitely going to be the end . But I kept holding on ...the pressure built up was so strong that i cannot explain . i was at my office other wise don't know that would have been the end of all this. Many guys have said that after seven days its kind of normal , but this one on my 17 th day was huge .I could feel that it was slowly building up from the morning ...After few hour at afternoon it reached peak ,it was real high tension .. but I prayed ,reminded myself about my resolve to move to a new better life , i thought about all the wonderful thing i learn t here at this place ,some how i was able to keep my calm and in about fifteen minutes it just went away . There was peace again ..... I don't know how all this happens in our system . It definitely was the test of my strength , and i cleared it . That would have really made me stronger i hope.
Then had a wonderful time with our team and i could feel that i am beginning to talk more freely and naturally without any pressure . Social skill definitely coming up
Two days its going to be a holiday , real tough times ahead .. God give me the strength . Want to go forward and see what more is there ...

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2010-04-30 13:43.

These "flares" seem to happen to everyone from time to time. They just get farther apart if you don't yield to them.

What can you do to keep busy over the holiday?

Submitted by simpleton on Fri, 2010-04-30 21:23.

I am doing a bit of aerobic exercise .My job also happens to be a sedentary kind ,all day in front of the computer .Well if its building personality its important to improve physically ,so exercise is going to be a priority. I am tall but thin .Guess all my energies were eaten up by this monster . Lets see how it is all is going to improve .But definitely there is a feeling of energy and control without orgasm. Its going to be out of home as much as possible .May be catch up with my old friends .Not to miss any opportunity to go around