Clear headed again, and it only took like 4 months!

Now I remember why I liked that 45 day total celibacy period last winter - I've been clean (solo/joint abstinent) for about ten days now - I've got my motivation back, my focus back - hell, I've got ME back. I might even be able to communicate clearly without biting sarcasm either directed at myself or my spouse by reference - I usually get that crap outta muh noggin here, since the communication about physical relationship here is nonexistent despite my years of effort. The ten day period doesn't surprise me, even tho it seems a bit short (even shorter when I think that I actually got the focus back a couple days ago), but I've long known that biochemically, I peak or ebb much faster than the conventional two weeks that are usually referred to here - which raises a separate question - I spent about 5 years on Vitamin P, ending - hmmm - about 7 years ago - and if I bolloxed up and forgot to take it daily, I'd often forget for a couple days, and it'd show up in that 2-3 day period. And when Lilly tried to milk the masses by extending the patent by coming out with the weekly version, I was on that for a bit - I'd be in overdrive for a couple days, smooth for a couple, then I'd start sliding for a few - rather like vasectomy, I have a bit of a soapbox about weekly Vitamin P - but then, between my usual soap boxes of religious, political, or mental health - I"ll spare you . No, I am not/was never bipolar, was marginally manic depressive, and no, they're not the same thing.

If any of you were George Carlin fans, you may remember his vuja de' concept - somehow, none of this has ever happened before. There's a somewhat similar Greek philosophical concept - metanoia - in which one learns that everything one believed or held true or was taught/told, is a falsehood. A sort of reverse epiphany. And between the couples counseling back in 2007 (that had zippo to do with any of the themes this site addresses) and the post-surgery impotence issues - yeah - I've spent nearly three years now grasping precisely how deep-delving the concept is for me.

Enough rambling, on to something focused.