Opening the door wide

It's not my style anyway, especially when I seek input or opinions - but I am throwing the door wide open here for opinions and input with no backlash whatsoever - all I ask is that side tangents not stray from the point - I'll take input from everyone/anyone, because essentially, I"m in need of polling the masses.

One brief (for me) introductory statement - this is about how the camel's back got broken, and deals with the post-prostate cancer impotence. If this one request comes off shitty, so be it. Please - do not ask me to try to see it from her side. I am painfully aware that my body doesn't work on demand as she has been accustomed to, and has every right to want and expect. Yes, I realize that having to use the overpriced FDA approved Erect-o-matic for penetration-capable erection is ungainly, unsightly, non-spontaneous, interruptive to a natural flow of things, and yes, quite literally, positively Frankenstein-ish - hell, it's probably more so to me than her, being that I was always the foreplay/touch/cuddle junkie to her let's get it on wham bam preference for penetration-based meat and potatoes sex. Similarly, please do not ask me to try toys or alternative means - I'm the one that discussed it with her, and proactively obtained such, and while she briefly sort of went wild with them, that quickly fell to no use also. I've never hesitated to do anything/everything she wanted in this department.

The camel's back breaker - this was about six weeks ago - I initiated a conversation (a calm loving one, not an accusatory one) that posed my feeling that she seemed to have totally forgone any interest in penetration-based sex, when it used to be her mainstay. I was told - this is quote, not perception - I actually asked her to repeat it the next day - calmly, lovingly - to make sure I didn't mis-hear it: "The next time you want to try to do penetration, just go back to our bedroom, get yourself ready with the pump, and call me when you're ready". End quote.

I keep in mind that of any possible topic, she is least comfortable with and prone to put the least thought into responses in discussions of sex. The basics of my poll: Am I totally off in left field when I find myself thinking (but would never actually give voice to): "If I said to you that the next time you wanted intercourse, to go back to our room, touch yourself or do whatever necessary to get aroused, and call me when you're ready for me to put it in, what would your reaction have been?"

The please in this - give me any semi-reasonable means to process this as anything other than she simply hasn't got the guts to say "the way you have to get an erection now is a total creep out/not worth my time"? I realize that the quick answer is "she simply doesn't want to hurt your feelings and that's just how it came out" - but even she knows that while the old me mighta been on rocky ground with that statement, that Lazarus 2.0 is miles tougher/stronger than he used to be, and more than anything, I simply want to truthfully know, because I spent too many years in the dark from little to no input.