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One track life is like one-size-fits all clothing... it doesn't fit well with anyone.
[ying]
Hi all,
I've noticed since giving up the same old porno, prostitute, masturbation routine that I am really tired, not during the day, but when I get home. I put this down to being in a transition stage, recovering from an addiction. I've heard it said that it takes 21 days to break a routine and then a lifetime of dedication not to return to it.
It's that lifetime of dedication I've been pondering. I'm not the type for lifetimes of dedication. I am the type for change. I like a wide variety of things. I am slowly rekindling, reawakening my taste buds for the rich variety that life has on offer for me. Life's fare seemed duller and less appealing when I was regularly compulsively seeking out satiation. My focus is starting to shift. I realise that it has to if I am to make a success of this, but it's disconcerting that I seem to come home and spend the time that I used to use for nefarious sexual purposes either reading, relaxing, cuddling or sleeping.
Is there something wrong with me? Don't answer that... 
My energy is out of balance probably. Is my body telling me that I'm getting too old? My ying and yang have lost their twang. Maybe I'll put myself in for a re-tune. I could do with my filters changing, that's for sure.
That's today's thought anyway. I'll let you know how I'm getting on.
Peace.
Brenmal
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Comments
SSRI antidepressants
Oh, I'm taking 40mg Citalopram, an anti-depressant SSRI every day. Have done for eight years now. Is that going to have an impact? Anyone else got any ideas?
Oh and eventually I'll have to have sex with my wife, not previously a problem... but not cumming? She's gonna find that weird. What do I do? Fake it? I think she'd know. Anyhow... maybe the truth won't be as hard as having a husband who's totally engrossed in porno. So far we're both liking the cuddly stuff.
Brenmal
Tell her what you are doing
She may find it weird at first, but she will like the results! I find I truly enjoy sex without the old routines. It is relaxing and calming. Not messy.... Intercourse can occur at the beginning, at the end or anywhere in between, or even not at all, and it is all good!
Neil
Tell her what you're doing...
I'm certainly going to do that ... never done anything like it before though. I'm glad you enjoy it. I know lots of people on here have tried it and like it so I'm willing to give it a go. My wife's very understanding and forgiving so I'm sure it won't be as big a deal as I think it might be. I'll take a leap of faith.
Brenmal
SSRIs have
been known to suppress libido in some. And it's certain that your brain chemistry will be shifting. Gary got off of his after about a year of karezza (he had taken them seven years by then, I think).
It's frustrating that doctors know so little about the effects of sex on the brain, and how the neurochemical changes may interact with various drugs. Of course, they don't *really* know why a lot of those drugs work anyway. Often they just have theories. For example, I've seen research suggesting that SSRIs "really" work because they trigger oxytocin production. Or because they cause neuronal growth in some. Nothing to do with serotonin directly....
Yes, the transition *does* involve a certain passage through territory that, at first, seems like something's missing. But as your balance increases, so does delight in less stimulating pastimes. Or at least, I hope you, too, will find that.
SSRIs
Certainly when I went on to SSRI's I became less likely to binge on sex. Before I went on them you would not believe some of the things I got up to, ultimately leading to depression and a breakdown. SSRI's didn't stop me, they just slowed me down a bit. However, it didn't make any difference because when I wanted sex after that I just popped a V if I couldn't get it up. Later on, I didn't like the blue tint they gave my vision (hence my email address name) so I stopped taking V's and started to use Cailis/Levitra... also you can go for a whole weekend on one of these yellow pills.
I would like to come off the SSRI's too eventually. They do make you a bit dreamy (but less manic). I'm on beta blockers too because I get the shakes. My nerves are totally shot. That's why I'm so tired. I think my body is just reacting to years and years of abuse.
Sex, drugs... oh yeah, I like Rock and Roll too.
Will that change? I was listening to Tchaikovsky yesterday.
Brenmal
It'll be interesting
to see what changes you *do* notice over time. They'll continue for a while, in our experience. In fact, for all I know, they're still continuing. Certainly Gary is never depressed anymore, even when things happen that used to depress him automatically. (He was injured long before we met, and sometimes has pain.)
I find that enjoyment of *all* music that I like is heightened, so Rock 'n' Roll could be here to stay in your psyche.
But Tchaikovsky is certainly magical. *sigh of happiness*
New pathways... retraining the brain...
Just cutting new paths into the dense woodland that is my brain. Evidently men's brains are heavier (more dense) than womens, or so I've been told. I need a team of lumberjacks in mine. I just hope I don't worsen my carbon footprint.
Brenmal
Counting Days...
I notice a lot of people on here count days. If I counted days it would drive me insane.
I used to plan my weekends around how many times I could have some (any) sort of sex, like it was some sort of private competition. How many times can I cum this weekend etc.. How sad is that? Its compulsion. Counting days is compulsion for sure. Counting how many days I haven't had sex for would seem like the same thing in reverse and it would remind me of what I used to do. So, lets just say for me I have abstained for a significant amount of time and I feel better for it. [ying] And if I screw up... who cares? No big deal.
The more you masturbate, have sex, watch porn... the more you want to masturbate, have sex, watch porn... it's as simple as that really. The snake eats its tail. When you stop for a while, for a significant while, you start to chill out and relax and you learn to enjoy it. You break the chain. It's not boring its good. It opens up new possibilities. I have more time on my hands. I'm going to get tested soon and then stop wearing condoms... that'll be good. I don't think I've got anything but it's best to be sure. Don't want to give my wife some disease - that would be a bummer.
Brenmal
It fascinates me
that the ancient Chinese observed that ratcheting up effect with lots of sexual stimulation, too. And correctly diagnosed it as occurring at a brain level.
Thanks for taking good care of your wife.
True, it can be compulsory
True, it can be compulsory and it started off that way for me. It is similar to the anxiety of a hypochondriac, in the way that a person can be obsessed with their own state. But then I started noticing that certain things were happening at certain times like clockwork and being able to see these patterns has been a powerful tool in seeing how my actions are affecting me. Then comparing these insights to the experiences of other people has showed me that there are some pretty universal themes in what we experience during withdrawals. Since then I have just become fascinated with this whole thing and have kept track for myself and for any other people that have a similar interest. Plus, its such a new pioneering field that any kind of documentation of symptoms might help any researcher that passes through this site.
Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato
If you like it.. that's cool..
But I'm not a guinea pig, I'm certainly not suffering for science and I'm sure that there's plenty of stuff the boffins can find out about me just by asking. I think finding out what triggers responses is important. But I don't think time comes into it. Situations do. Stress does... lonliness, boredom, self-loathing, anger, frustration... these are cue cards. I don't belive in biorhythms or fate. I do believe in causality. Cause and effect, interdependence.
Brenmal
Time.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Brenmal
I'm planning
on no really counting days myself. However, this first time will be an exception because my goal is to discover what changes I will have after more than two weeks of abstaining (planning to go at least a month). Don't know if I'll be doing the whole "Day 1," "Day 2," thing, but at least for this first time I'll be counting days so I'll be aware of when I'm past two weeks, and then discover what's different about me.
But my plan is more to note how many days I have with no masturbation/orgasm compared to the whole time of abstinence. So if I have 90 days out of 100 with no orgasm, then I would have had a 90% success rate. The goal over time of course is to get that down close to 100%.
But I think at some point, I'm not going to be worried even about that. Measuring at some point can become a source of pride, and that only sets you up for the fall.
Let how you feel gauge your success Cole
Accentuate the positive about how you feel when you're not seeking out orgasmic sex. Meditate on these positive feelings and it will reaffirm your desire not to lapse back into them. It's not the end of the world if you do, but once you've experienced some time without orgasm, you'll have something with which to compare the "orgasm rollercoaster" to.
It's like a smoker who's quit remembering the taste that used to be in his mouth every morning and using this reminder as a spur to keep on pursuing the smoke-free lifestyle.
thanks for reading,
Brenmal
Thanks
A lot depends on how I actually feel after no orgasm for two weeks to one month compared to how I felt when I masturbated all the time, and also compared to how I felt after having abstained a week and then returned to frequent masturbation.
When I came onto this site, I generally masturbated to orgasm once or twice a day, and on occasion three times a day (when I had enough opportunity to do so). At that point, I had heard people felt bad after an orgasm, low energy, draggy, etc. But I had no clue what they were talking about. I always felt great after orgasm, content, basking in the glow as I called it. My creativity was great, in that I'm a fantasy, sci-fi writer (not well known by any stretch, just a newbie) and people always marvel at how creative I am. I didn't feel I experienced any of the negative side effects Marnia talked about. And if I did, they were negligible so as not to have much of an effect on me.
Then I abstained for a week, and when I came back to regular masturbation every day I found out what the crash really feels like. Drained of energy and felt really yuk. I though, "Oh, so this is what they are talking about."
I'm glad that I spent the last few weeks doing a free for all except for the one week abstaining I did. It helped me not only experience the crash everyone was talking about, but also the two weeks after the last week abstaining and crashing, I felt by the end of two weeks of continuous masturbation everyday that my equilibrium had returned to some degree. I felt more my previous "normal" when I masturbated to orgasm once or more everyday.
So while the comparison to how I feel after two weeks without vs. how I feel right after masturbating post abstinence period will be interesting, the comparison I'm more interested in will be my previous "normal" to how I feel after not having masturbated for two weeks. If I really like how much better I feel, I'll have to focus on those improvements as justification to dump the previous mode of good feelings and manageable sense of well-being of my previous "normal" baseline. But if it isn't that much better or noticeably different, then I might as well enjoy myself, as life was going pretty good before.
My only other motive is I want to be able to control it rather than have it control me. I want to be able to abstain when I want to abstain. And perhaps I've already accomplished that to some degree. This month will reveal if I've taught myself to do that for an extended period of time. If so, I may have accomplished my ultimate goal. And I'll be able to draw on that later when I decide to abstain for whatever reason.
So, where I go after July depends in large part on what I discover these next couple of months. My ultimate decision very well may be to return to frequent orgasms, because for whatever reason, I didn't feel all that bad or down in the dumps when in that mode. But I think I've already gained some help whatever happens, in reaching my goals.