Thinking Of Relapsing

Submitted by The Fonz on Tue, 2010-05-25 05:04
Community topics: 
wet dreams

Anyone who reads my forum posts probably knows already that, after I have a wet dream, I often feel tempted to relapse on masturbating to porn.

Well, last night I had a wet dream about Bettie Page (if Bettie is watching down on us from above, she's probably flattered to know that the work she did in the sixties still gives 24 year old men in 2010 wet dreams). And now I'm trying to fight off the urge to relapse.

I probably don't have time to relapse this morning since, after writing this blog, I'll have to rush to get ready for work. But I'm worried that I will relapse when I come home from work.

As often happens when I want to relapse, I start rationalizing with myself as to why masturbating to porn aint so bad. Today I've been arguing that, if masturbating to porn causes a dopamine spike which leads to a hangover-recovery period, so must jogging. I'm not good at science, but I think I heard that jogging causes a rise in dopamine. Am I way off the mark with that argument? Haha. Probably.

I still feel pretty good. My new goal is to go three weeks without masturbating to porn. Trying to not have orgasms, but if I have them via wet dreams, I'm not really counting that. So today I'm saying I've finished five days of not masturbating to porn. I used to just start back at day 0 when I had a wet dream, but my new goal is to go three weeks without porn and masturbation, and just "let wet dreams take their course."

Comments

Submitted by Courage on Tue, 2010-05-25 08:01.

It's helpful to think of the reasons you're trying to quit when you're thinking of giving in again. Why are you trying to abstain, what are your reasons for doing so? Think of the withdrawal symptoms you have to go through all over again. You mentioned your goal is 3 weeks, if you give in you set yourself back 1 week and start all over again. Try to think of anything positive you may have gained from abstaining. If you start rationalizing with yourself that porn ain't too bad you'll most likely convince yourself and give in, and then most likely regret doing so immediately afterwards. Believe me I know exactly what frame of mind you're in right now.

Lots of love
Courage

Submitted by ineedstrength on Tue, 2010-05-25 10:36.

Don't let the wet dreams bring you down. They don't have the same intensity that an orgasm with porn would have. You may feel off a day or two but you'll feel better after wards. Also, if you give in now, think of all of the effort you'll have to put in just to get back to where you are today. You can use that same determination to go another week, without giving in, thus bring you closer to a balanced brain. You can do it. I'm on day 6 and I regret giving in last week (which was week 2). But, I'm back in the game. When you start thinking like that maybe write down why you started abstaining and how life could be different without porn. I know what you're feeling though, don't be discouraged. Also exercise helps tremendously when going through recovery.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Tue, 2010-05-25 11:09.

This is all explained much better in our book, by the way. Dopamine isn't "bad." And, yes, lots of things raise it. And when it's too low, life can look gray. (Have you read: http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain?)

The trouble with today's porn, drugs, even tempting junk food, etc is that they intensely OVER-stimulate the brain, which then shuts down dopamine receptors for a time. We used to think this happened because the brain wanted to "protect" itself against overstimulation. And perhaps it does, in some situations.

However, it's likely that a more common reason it shuts down those receptors is because it concludes that something THAT EXCITING must be really worthwhile. By shutting down those receptors, you feel dissatisfied, and so you keep reaching for that extreme stimulus...even after your brain would actually benefit from recovery time to return to balance. "Get it while the getting is good!"

This mechanism made perfect sense when high-calorie food and novel mates were scarce. But it's a problem where there's no end to the intense stimulation supply. The brain doesn't get a chance to return to balance.

This is why we emphasize "balance" as a good goal here. When in balance, normal pleasure register as more enjoyable, because the brain isn't numbed (due to those missing receptors for dopamine). When in balance, the craving to binge isn't there. When in balance, you actually feel "satisfied" by life in general a lot more.

So this is what's at stake in your decision...unless you're already back in balance. In that case, an orgasm *without* extreme stimulation, will probably not cause as much of a desire to keep binging - and will register as very enjoyable, especially with a partner.smiley

Maybe you saw this article: Has Evolution Trained Our Brains to Gorge on Food and Sex?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201004/has-evo... It explains the "binge trigger" in more detail.

Bottom line: Be wary of engaging in "rational argument" with your limbic brain. Choose your own schedule and stick to it...or not. But if you want to stick to it, keep your attention elsewhere. Or it will always lead you back to where it wants to go, one way or the other. smiley

Submitted by Rockhardington on Tue, 2010-05-25 11:38.

Dreams are intense and influential. You are remembering your dreams as being a trigger. Now that you are aware of it, you can anticipate it, like you are. You might slip a few times, but you'll get the hang of it. Awareness is the first step and you are becoming aware of wet dreams as being a trigger. Wet dreams are usually different than full orgasms, but they can influence our moods for a few days sometimes. I was discouraged for a while because I was having a wet dream every week for a little while. But you just have to learn to cycle through them and not pay them much mind. They are natural speedbumps in recovery, just keep going and if you relapse, remember it for next time.

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato

Submitted by The Fonz on Tue, 2010-05-25 14:13.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I am now back from work, and not feeling the urge to give in and relapse as much. I think writing that blog was my attempt at distracting myself and not giving myself too much of a chance to argue with my limbic brain. It worked!

Marnia, thanks for the lesson on dopamine. I still haven't read the book. I'm more familiar with your work via the psychologytoday.com blog posts, but I will have to buy a copy!

Yeah, working on overcoming the trigger and annoyance (damn you, subconscious!) of wet dreams will be a challenge in my road to three weeks. But I think I will be able to do it now that I survived the worst of it today. If I can do it today, I think I can continue doing it.

Submitted by Crow on Tue, 2010-05-25 14:12.

Marnia wrote:

"Bottom line: Be wary of engaging in "rational argument" with your limbic brain. Choose your own schedule and stick to it...or not. But if you want to stick to it, keep your attention elsewhere. Or it will always lead you back to where it wants to go, one way or the other."

This is the best reminder / piece of advice one can give.

Crucial,
Crow