What do I want to achieve...

Submitted by Brenmal on Thu, 2010-05-27 12:10
Community topics: 
oxytocin
life
happiness
achievement
personal goals

I am coming up to 4 weeks without porn, prostitutes or masturbation. I am not missing these and I'm finding life without these is less stressful than I imagined. Rather than using these things something to turn to when things get tough I'm much more balanced.

I'm working through my problems on a day to day basis and when I meet frustration I'm using my newfound strength to work through them and work around my problems. I was using sex rather a solution to my problems and frustrations and this was making my problems and frustrations worse. My mental faculties seem to be returning to me, I'm acting more rationally and collectedly. I'm enjoying the sense of fulfillment that this is giving me, I am spending time relaxing and cuddling with my wife.

Oddly enough I also spend more time with our pet rabbit and guinea pig. I've taken to spending more time petting them and I've found this very relaxing. Does this release oxytocin too I wonder? I am enjoying talking to people at work much more and I am lapping up all the books on psychology that I can find.

I've found that the personal touch of people on this website, especially Marnia have been incredibly encouraging. Just a few weeks ago I hated myself and felt an utter failure. I no longer feel this way. I don't feel like an outcast anymore. I feel like I am coming in from the cold. I am so grateful I found this site, that I read Marnia's book and that I can read about other people who share some common genetic foibles.

The truth does set us free. I don't miss the out of control feeling I had. I love the clear thinking. I love looking at women and seeing people rather than an opportunity for sex. I found this depressing because I've always genuinely loved women and this whole porno thing was upsetting my view of them, but you can't generalise.

I've not been upset or enticed by erotic material or porn images I've inadvertantly seen since my decision. I've just not had that compulsive feeling to go off and do it. It just doesn't hold the attraction it once did.

I'm 40 soon.. is it just that I'm getting old? I don't feel old. smiley

Thanks for reading

Brenmal

Comments

Submitted by Rockhardington on Thu, 2010-05-27 12:33.

Thanks for the inspiring words. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. It is awesome that you are experiencing clarity and it shows in your writing.

Yeah, you can totally raise oxytocin by petting an animal.

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Thu, 2010-05-27 17:32.

how much oxytocin your pets are producing thanks to you. smiley One of Gary's former pupils just sent him this little blurb:

PS- Watched an episode of "Animal Planet" where they were showing voles giving birth. It was so sweet. The dad was licking the mother, which the announcer said triggers him into releasing oxytocin. It all made so much sense all of a sudden....your book, the voles, the bonding chemical, etc. Made me smile....

You are not the first person to feel more "like your real self" as your neurochemistry settles down. It's almost funny that we have so many people teetering between "going for it" and self-recrimination, when, with just a little bit of knowledge, they can steer for greater satisfaction. Oh well. When have humans ever chosen to learn things the easy way. smiley

Old indeed. *snorts*

Submitted by Brenmal on Fri, 2010-05-28 14:57.

When I look at the pictures of the brain in your book, you have the reptilian brain, like a walnut surrounded by the mammalian brain (limbic system) like a tennis ball, surrounded by this honeydew melon size rational brain.

I love this picture. It inspires me. It helps me to get an idea of the proportions of the working mind.

My rabbit has a limbic system just like mine. He responds to touch and petting just like I do - its relaxing. In fact observing him does a lot of good for me. If he feels stressed or frightened he tenses up very quickly and goes into fight or flight mode. I presume this is his amigdala kicking in. But, if he is being stroked, if he's on my lap say and the same noise occurs the tenseness is much less severe, whats really nice is that he shoves his head into my shirt or under my arm. It must be because the oxytocin gives him a sense of security. Oxytocin also breeds trust.

I think many great strapping men are tense and frightened inside and are compelled to seek release from their worries. I know I was. The thing is I couldn't trust the people who were close to me because I felt so tense all the time. I couldn' t open up. It was frightening to own up to what I was doing and far easier to self-medicate on prolactin through chasing ladies.

I think that often times we are more frightened of our emotions and of our thoughts than we are of physical threats. I used to fear that I was going mad. Now that I've had the various parts of my mind explained to me its much easier to cope with. Previously I had believed that there was a huge chasm between men and animals, that we were made in "God's image" and although imperfect we had an inherited spirituality. I'm not convinced of this any more. I now think we need to train our spirituality ourselves through education and research. I still believe in love though. Love is a natural and instinctive motivator. Not erotic love, affectionate love I mean. Love can cross more boundaries and heal more wounds than any other medicine. If we all lived with love the world would heal itself.

thanks for reading,

Brenmal

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2010-05-28 20:01.

you are a sage in disguise.smiley

My thought is that, whatever our origins and potential (jury's still out on that one smiley ), it certainly doesn't hurt to learn more about the rules of the game here on planet Earth.

A limbic brain out of balance is tense. It always feels like something is missing. One of my favorite spiritual books actually says a "sense of lack" (which we have the power to correct by learning what you're learning with your rabbit...that shared affection makes us feel whole inside) is the cause of our dual perception (spiritual blindness).

The theory is that, feeling a sense of "lack," which I think translates into low dopamine response in the brain, we become tense and defensive, and hungry for "earthly stimulation" to ease our discomfort. This rat race leads to a philosophy of good and bad, good and evil, fear of our creator, and so forth. And we've invented deities accordingly.

Most of this could be avoided by understanding what makes us feel whole and peaceful and full of life better in the first place.