Stoneage women

Submitted by Brenmal on
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What I dislike about some women is that they take us for a ride. They have picked up on how our limbic systems work and are using it, quite naturally, I suppose to get what they want.

Manipulative because they realise that there is a strong predilection in men to give them what they want if they flirt with us because subconsciously our male limbic system is programmed to associate this with a chance to mate.

Perhaps the male human mating ritual was once, I've got a slab of wooly mammoth... can you cook it? Oh, and later, smiley...

Wouldn't it be nice if both sexes could get out of the stone age?

Comments

The mating dance is brutal.

The mating dance is brutal. Actually, nature is brutal, but its also perfect in its own right.

Now that you realize what some women do, you dont have to participate or be affected by it. You are keen to it.

Nature is brutal, if you play in the creek, youre gonna get wet! Accept it, laugh at it, keep focusing.

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato

I have found

that the less my limbic brain is running the show, the less appealing some of those seductive, biological cues are. Maybe my vision is clearer...or different. Either way, it's refreshing, and automatic.

I don't really think that's "stone age"

In every culture, even if it's a band of hunter-gatherers, both men and women have to conform to basic standards of decency. It's only in porn that women are practically glorified for pulling every limbic brain string they can with no qualms or reservations. Can you blame real-life women for imitating that, when men are mesmerized by it and call women who don't conform to those standards "prudes?"

Ideal partnership?

I suppose its about making good choices of company; the trick is knowing who to avoid. Likewise we're all different thankfully and spark with different people. Some of the bloggers I have been reading would benefit themselves by finding partners who also want to wise up to how their limbic system interacts with their rational mind. A partnership of like-minded individuals is going to be easier to get going and maintain.

You're probably right about stone age people. The nearest societies we have to them are probably aboriginal hunter gatherers, something like that; these people could well be more spiritual and better off emotionally than we are maybe even as a result of their more basic lifestyle. What I meant is that in general in the modern world, with all its trappings, we haven't made much progress since the stone age if we're still paying for favours rather than seeking more rewarding behaviours.

Thanks for reading,

Brenmal

One reason

may be that a hunter-gatherer lifestyle has more "built-in" balance. Fewer excesses to throw the reward circuitry out of kilter. More soothing contact with trusted companions. This may mean their moods are more even, and easier to restore when something does upset them...assuming they have any resources at all to work with....

Soothing contact

A community is something that many of us in the industrialised world lack. I mean, we're treated as if we're machines much of the time and our reflexes and gut reactions are out of tune with the modern society we live in. No wonder we feel like a fish out of water sometimes.

I think that the on-line community that this website nurtures is wholesome. I don't feel ashamed of how I feel and sharing my feelings and experiences with you all, and hearing your stories is helping me develop my own healthy view of relationships.

We must never forget that humanity depends on nurturing and caring for both ourselves and our community. Competition, "survival of the fittest" is not the same as humanity, in fact I don't believe in the "survival of the fittest" model of evolution. It's long been recognised that humans have cared for the sick, the elderly, children, handicapped and disabled in their families / communities as far back as human kind has existed. Indeed it does us good to help others. It gives us a sense of purpose. How do you explain this quirk I wonder. Do we call it our spiritual side? Isolation is very bad for us. Addiction can make us very isolated if we're not wise to it.

We all have so much good to offer to others if we focus our minds on it. That's the motivation behind curbing addictions and compulsive behaviour that keeps me going. I hope it works for others too.

thanks for reading,

Brenmal

flirting

I am really trying not to pull on those strings anymore by wearing moderate clothing for example.

But I can't help liking to flirt by talking and joking with men, this feels so good and nurturing. I think there is something that attracts male and female that is more than just mating and propagating. Something divine which makes it feel great, alive and loving/loved to be in this field of attention.

Conscious decisions vs genetic programming -

Or, rational brain vs limbic system...

Do you agree that there's a huge difference between the natural daily interaction of men and women and premeditated overly sexualised behaviour for personal gain? (both sexes can be guilty of this of course). I'm not in the least bit bothered by the normal day to day interactions with women. Life would be pretty bland if we couldn't share jokes.

I agree, there is more to life than just mating and propagating, but if you're a male trying to get over an addiction to sex I think its probably wise to avoid say, your ex-mistresses, strip clubs etc. and try and to seek non-sexualised, relaxed relationships with normal women for a while. Who knows, maybe with one of them you could reach that higher spiritual level of emotional contentment and love?

thanks for reading,

Brenmal

I agree

... I see a lot of this oversexualised behaviour .. just go to a fitness club and watch the ass-parade... How can anybody cope with those triggers? Especially a former sex addict, who has ingrained those triggers really deeply. (because: no dopamin = no trigger, which means a naked female leg will not trigger you if you did not use your dopamin-production on it. At least it will not trigger so much if it was not involved in dopamin-flashes)

In a way I understand the Burka now smiley

Problem is that the media and counsellors and whoever makes it look "normal" behaviour and judges those prude who don't want to go this direction.

50 / 50

Maybe it's 50 percent men trying not to focus on sex and 50 percent women not giving them too much to focus on. There's an element of balance and harmony here.

Burka only makes things worse. Anything forbidden automatically becomes more alluring. I've found this to my cost. Once you take away the forbidden/sinful side of sex it becomes much easier to deal with and talk about.

Oh and the shocking human rights abuses of women that go on behind closed doors in these societies. It's like the middle-ages revisited.

thanks for reading,

Brenmal

Flirting

I love flirting. I'm with Fleur on this one. There's an energy to letting someone know you find them attractive, even though you both know that it will not blossom into a relationship. It is a shared moment between equals, an acknowledgment of what might have been if things were different.

P.

Firting is great

and as I've made a habit of doing it with "normal" people, and not just prospective mates, their unique sparkle and even sexiness becomes more evident. It's independent of age and attractiveness. It does seem to be nurturing to both parties, too. Magic. smiley

All this has made me wonder

Because I really don't think in terms of flirting and such. If I have a conversation with a woman (and I do most days since I work around them all day long), that's all it is to me. They are another human being that I'm having a conversation with. I'm not trying to flirt with them by talking to them, nor do I expect anything in return, nor does it generally cross my mind to wonder how I might get this one into bed with me. I just don't think that way.

But, this has made me wonder how many of the girls I talk to each day have a different view of things. Are they thinking anything I'm doing is flirty? Are they being flirty with me and I'm simply not picking up on it because I don't think in those terms? My boss, who's a woman, jokes around with me all the time. We have a good working relationship, and treat each other as equals. And lately I've wondered, based on conversations I've read here, is she at times flirting? I don't know. I wouldn't know if a woman was flirting with me, unless it was really, really obvious. And that would turn me off if I thought that was happening. So I don't want to over think this. On that point, I rather like being ignorant and naive. That way I can act like myself and not worry about it.

My definition

of healthy flirting is that it is NOT goal oriented, or focused on any particular goal...other than perhaps helping the person to feel good about himself in some way. So it probably overlaps with a lot of your spontaneous behavior.