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♥One Year of Karezza
I found this site about 15 months ago. In this time, the following changes have occured in my marriage and my life:
- My wife and I resumed having sexual intercourse after 4 plus years of celibate marriage
- I have not masturbated in almost one year. For many months before that, I did it ritually and maybe once per month in a misguided belief that the pipes needed to be cleaned. I have absolutely no desire to masturbate.
- I have not ejaculated in 7 months. I no longer have any desire to ejaculate, even if I get overheated during intercourse.
- My wife and I engage in daily bonding behaviors, our marriage is stronger and we are happier than we have been in years!!
- I feel a profound pride in overcoming my sexual issues. I am happier than I have ever been.
- We have eliminated traditional foreplay from our bedroom. It is simply not necessary.
Life is not perfect of course, but so much BS has been removed from our marriage by the simple removal of porn / lust for other women / mastubation (especially to fantasies of other women). Discovering Karezza has added immensely to the foundation we had already established. We have sex more often, it is infinitely more satisfying and has brought us closer together. Sex is relaxing and stress free. Neither of us has orgasms. Neither of us miss it.
Less than 1 year ago I wondered what life could possibly be like without orgasm. Would I miss it? Would it be difficult to achieve? Would I miss all the foreplay? I can tell you, once we discovered the joys of intercourse without orgasm, it became extremely aggravating for me to have one. That took only a couple of months to achieve that mindset. We simply continued working on turning down the heat and throwing out the old techniques, and now I have no issues or worries about ejaculating.
- neil's blog
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Comments
I sit here in awe . . .
. . . thank you for a truly inspiring, but straight shooting description. Nothing to add here. I haven't been able to get to second base with karezza (counting hugging as first base).
P.
First base
is good, too.
@ Neil - Thanks for the update. I'll add it to your others.
Thank you!
All your hard work makes this site possible! A place for many to share and heal! You have my sincere things Marnia! [bigsmile] [bigsmile] [bigsmile]
Keep Going
Poet, these comments are not directed to you exclusively, they are for all.....
I hope to encourage, to let people know this is worth it! Life is good on the other side of the fence for once!
Life without conventional sex is awesome! Once you really get your brain rewired, there is no looking back! For people who are not addicted to porn, or co-dependents of porn addicts, the road is still a bit rough. For porn addicts and co-dependents, you have to get beyond that first. It ain't easy, but I have done it and it is worth it. Do not despair!
I gave my wife total control of our finances, so there was no cheating, no porn sites. I gave her access to and control over our Internet router and showed her how to run reports so she could check up on me then had her change the password. I had her watch me erase every pornographic image on all our computers. Then, I proposed that we no longer have sex, indefinitely..... That was tough, but for me and her, very rewarding! Everyday I made sure I did not do anything to risk hurting her. I proposed going celibate under the assumption that addicts should stop doing whatever they are addicted to. I trained myself to look away when I saw a beautiful / scantily clad woman. I worked my ass off, one day at a time. I did not stop masturbating at first, but as I learned not to use sexual fantasy, the urge to masturbate gradually subsided.
Everyone is different, but it is not going to happen in a few weeks or even months. It will take years for the porn addicted. However, what options do you really have?
Go back to porn and be lost forever
Be celibate for life
Work hard and discover Karezza....
I chose option 2. Then discovered another way.... I am so happy I did!!!!
Wikipedia says kissing is
Wikipedia says kissing is first base. [kiss] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baseball_metaphors_for_sex
Quizure
"There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me." - Gretchen Kemp
*smooch*
Back at ya, Mr. Clarke, Back
Back at ya, Mr. Clarke, Back at ya! [kiss]
}
Quizure
So great to hear your story,
So great to hear your story, Neil. Well done! I am very happy for you and your wife. You have a made an invaluable contribution to the balance of the world, not just your marriage. I personally THANK YOU.
My beloved and I are also discovering how uninteresting conventional lovemaking is compared to the peace, affection, solidity and ease that this kind of lovemaking brings. This stuff is the *real chocolate.* So glad, after a few years working with these ideas, to be able to say I am beginning to really taste the ultimate unadulterated chocolate bar. No need for the cream, the sugar, or the nutz - the simple, pure depth of the key ingredient (call it cocoa, call it love) is enough.
I'm glad to hear that, HS
I sometimes feared that your karezza experiments would just frustrate you. I'm glad you're finding it a welcome addition to your repertoire.
Feeling any more at ease regarding the infidelity brainworms?
Brainworms have been calmer
Brainworms have been calmer recently. Or maybe I've just been too busy with other stuff to notice them. I'll get back to you all on that one in Fidelity to My Healing soon here. One thing you might like to know tho: when I asked the oracle, it said: misplaced mistrust, trying to act indipendently, and sharing your sorrow or distress creates unity. Very telling.
*smile*
Hmmm...my theory is that deep down, true union has become scary for many of us. Facing that fear may be part of everyone's return to getting comfy with oneness. I know it came up for me, too, in a slightly different form.
It's only scary to be loved
It's only scary to be loved because its so unknown - we fear the unknown, and we usually don't live in love, so it can be downright terrifying. Exhilerating too. So much at stake, so little time, the challenge of a lifetime: to really give and receive love.
Thanks for sharing Neil!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
-Lao-tzu
Wow...
You are one of my heros.