Day 2

Hey everyone, updating my blog again today.

I've been giving this addiction some serious thought and analyzing why and how I fail.
It seems after my last period of abstinence my mind began to make me believe I'm
bisexual to make me "test" with porn, I ended up watching lesbian porn and was greatly aroused, but
after seeing it and getting its "fix" my mind just made me watch it, basically. The attraction to shemale
porn gets its kick from fear I could be bisexual, so when my mind wants to get its fix, it scares
me into having to almost prove to myself I am strait by masturbating to regular porn, which I do,
then realize I was tricked and the cycle continues, eventually escalating onto the shemale
porn once again.

I'm going to ignore the thoughts this time around and accept the possibilty that I could be bisexual, so
it can't trick me and I can see how I feel when I've got my Dopamine back to normal and take things
from there.
Ultimatly the "kick" I get from shemale porn is fear inducing, because it involves a half-woman, half-man,
it makes me question my sexual orientation and gives me fear, ironically, I watch the porn to negate
these worrying thoughts/feelings which seem to go away once I've given my addiction its fix, but
then re-surface when it wants some more, so once again, it brings up the fears/thoughts I could
not be strait, making me have to check with strait porn, then it escalates the more times I
masturbate back to shemale porn once again.

I'm 110% certain I'm not homosexual, simply because of my attraction to women, I wouldn't have this
attraction if I was gay, but I can't ignore the fact that I am aroused by shemale porn, even though it
is an escalation of the addiction, I'm just glad I realized I had a problem before I escalated to full
on gay porn, I can't imagine what some of the guys who escalated to that are going through.

I've been doing some research into bisexuality, which has helped me accept the possibilty that I could be bi.
There are many, many Bisexual people in the world, some people speculate that even up to half of the people
who identify as "strait" in the west, have some degree of bisexuality, but due to social constraints
and fear, don't identify as Bisexual and keep their same-sex attraction a secret, simply because unlike
gay people, Bisexual people don't HAVE to date the same sex and can have relationships with the
opposite sex.

Unlike strait or gay people, bisexuals usually discover their bisexuality in their late teens, early twenties (I'm 20)
and begin to accept the fact that they are bisexual then.
I still don't know if I am bisexual, I've certainly never had a crush on a man, but I have watched the shemale
porn and even if this is an escalation of my porn addiction, I won't know for sure until I've completed
my 9 weeks abstinence and my head is clearer.

So, basically, I'm going to accept the possibilty that I could be bisexual, because then, when I reach the
stage where my mind is trying to trick me, it won't be able to trick me, because I have come to terms with
the fact that I could be bisexual.

As I've said before, even If I do turn out to be bisexual, I won't sleep with men, I doubt I could, which in
a way goes against everything I just said, but you get the idea, this is a neccesary tactic to combat
the addiction, because now it can't make me worry/relapse with tricks.

Thanks for reading
Thoughts? Comments? Do you think this is a good idea?