Day 1

Hey everyone, slipped up again yesterday, but my anxiety and worry about my
sexual orientation is practically gone and I've got the biggest drive EVER to
beat this now.

I ended up masturbating 5 times, first was to reglular porn, 2-4th were shemale
porn, but a funny thing happened, I watched a strait porn movie on the 5th time
and masturbated to that "successfully" shall we say.
Ironic that before after the 1st-2nd time I could barely get an erection looking
at normal women and only shemales would arouse me yet the very same day I accept the possibilty I could be bisexual, I am able to masturbate to regular porn successfully
on the 5TH time?

It was the anxeity, the worry about my sexual orientation all along that made
me believe I couldn't possibly get erect over strait/normal porn after 1-2 times
of masturbating that day and made me think I was bisexual, or even gay at
some points.

So, am I bisexual? No, I honestly don't think I am, it was the FEAR that I
was bisexual that was making me worry and stress out. I'm a porn addict
who has escalated to shemale porn, which is considered bisexual material,
that is all, maybe some HOCD mixed in there too, I dunno.

And you know what? Even if I do turn out to be bisexual when my dopamine
is back to normal, so what? I don't HAVE to have sex with men.

The mind is extremely powerful, it will make you believe ANYTHING to get
its fix, it ignored the positives (The attraction I've had to women all my life,
the zero attraction to men I've had away from porn) and instead keeps
presenting you with the negatives (I'm still a virgin, escalated to shemale
porn, could be bisexual or even gay) and basically knaws away at you
until you believe it.

Although this was a slip-up, its actually made me even stronger.

When I first came here I was over-confident and seriously underestimated
the addiction, now I know how powerful it is, but now I'm strong too
and I'm prepared.

So, no more worry, I'm just going to accomplish this, others have, so I can too.