14 days without orgasm

Submitted by minotaurus on Thu, 2010-07-08 05:19
What is it like to go without orgasm for a while?

Hello there!

I've been interested in theories of alternative modes of sexuality for a long time already. One of the main reasons why I find the theories on this website attractive, is that I have verified some of its truth through 'accidental' experience. Throughout the years, whenever I spent some weeks travelling during the summer holidays with a group of friends, spending the nights in hostel dorm rooms, I often noticed how easy it becomes to abstain from orgasm when there's no privacy. And I often felt filled with great energy and a spiritual sense of loving after a few weeks of this 'forced' abstinence.

When I first came across this site 1.5 years ago, I tried to abstain from orgasm for 14 days, and made it until the 12th day. Afterwards I immediately fell back to routine nearly everyday masturbation, so now I want to try it again, and report about it on this forum. I am still not completely convinced that orgasm is truely as harmful to relationships as is claimed on this website, as I think the feeling of postorgasmic disappointment is, although undoubtedly helped by neurotransmitters, also largely an effect of social conditioning. Especially the idea within patriarchy that to be male is to remain forever in control, both of women and of oneself, which is of course exposed as an unattainable ideology immediately after ejaculation. Maybe it's different for everyone, but I don't experience postorgasmic disappointment quite as much in actual sex when both persons are truely in love, especially when compared to instances of 'mechanical' porn watching it is really quite neglectable.

So to summarize, although I believe in the benefits of abstinence, I also do not want to 'tabooize' orgasm too much. Especially because this, through a possible return of the repressed, might make it only harder to abstain from it. I simply want to make it less of a big deal, less central to my sexuality, that's as much as I can aim for right now. And that's why for now I am abstaining not for 40 or 90, but just a mere 14 days (which will already be hard enough I am sure). If I manage this, I'll see wheter I want to continue for longer.

With kindest regards,
Mino

Submitted by trumpet12345 on Thu, 2010-07-08 06:22.

Good luck finding the state you seek to be in.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Thu, 2010-07-08 10:42.

I remember meeting a 19-year old when I visited Findhorn for a week many years ago. He told me there was a joke among the guys in the group we were both assigned to...a reference to "Findhorniness," because everyone had to share a room, so masturbation opportunities were scarce. Later, as I began to understand more about how orgasm affects people, I also realized that many (male and female) visitors reported that they felt great while at Findhorn (getting lots of hugs, doing lots of intimate communication...not masturbating smiley ), but that the "glow" faded after they got home...to their private rooms. smiley

As an aside, here are two posts that showed up today on my "Psychology Today" blog:

First guy:
I have undertaken this masturbation experiment numerous times, abstaining for
about thirty days each time, and noticed everything stated in this article [decreased social anxiety].
Unless a study is prepared and indeed able to study subjects refraining from
ejaculation for extended periods of time (i.e. months), and take into account
numerous metrics (i.e. not only testosterone or dopamine levels), detractors
will simply dismiss any insinuation of masturbation being anything but an
unalloyed healthful activity as quasi-religious propaganda motivated by moral
issues. It's depressing, really.

Another guy:
While I can't claim to have ever gone 30 days, I know exactly what you mean
with regards to the knee-jerk "anti-prude" reaction. I hate to admit it as
an atheist, but liberals are just as anti-science as religious people. They
are as hostile to the realities of neuroscience as christians are to all
science.

You're right that orgasm with a partner is often less problematic, especially if the focus is on bonding behaviors (generous affectionate touch). But remember that you and your lover are generally "high" for a while on extra honeymoon neurochemicals that mask the full cycle of any orgasms. This booster shot wears off, unfortunately (by two years at the latest). That's when habituation tends to be more of a problem. (Of course, it's also likely that more intense, and more frequent orgasms in the meanwhile can also cause dissatisfaction, because of the brain's "binge trigger.")

You're also right that making orgasm taboo is not healthy. But the suggestion here is merely that those who wish to, should experiment with another way of making love...and find what works best. This surely doesn't make orgasm "taboo."

I'll enable you to blog.

Submitted by minotaurus on Tue, 2010-07-13 07:43.

Thank you! The first four days were very easy, didn't think much about sex at all. Last night, however, my mind was flooded with erotic fantasies, and I very much enjoyed playing along with them but also tried to keep things calm, involve more than just the genitals, sometimes freezing all motion for a while and exploring my skin with my hands. And I actually managed to have a very pleasurable time without reaching orgasm or ejaculating. I have my doubts whether I will able to continue for 9 more days though if I go on with these kind of explorations, so will now try to refrain from them again for a while.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Tue, 2010-07-13 11:58.

It's challenging to find a middleground, but it gets easier. Intense fantasies can get dopamine buzzing just like porn for some folks, though, so you are wise to observe your feelings carefully.

BTW, many spiritual traditions use practices along the lines of what you were doing (with the emphasis on fantasizing union with the Divine, or whatever). Check them out here, if you like:

Solo Practices
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3299

Submitted by minotaurus on Sat, 2010-07-17 08:32.

So, this time I failed on the 6th day ... and although I don't experience any hangover and am feeling quite fine, I do notice how immediately I get sucked up in this cycle of "compensation" and within 2 days I'd already be in a routine of two orgasms a day. So the self-discipline is gone immediately. Now I want to set my goals a little lower, and try a mere 7 days without orgasm. I guess for me it doesn't work to start playing in the Olympics without gradual training.

One of the psychological problems for me is that it's always a bit easier for me to make a positive than a negative decision; i.e. it's easier to decide to do something, than to not do something. So this time I want to couple it with daily meditation, starting with 7 minutes per day and then adding one minute every day.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Sat, 2010-07-17 14:19.

If you have time, let us know how it goes. It helps lots of guys here. (Including the lurkers. *big wave to lurkers*)

6 days is a great start actually. Question. Did you use porn or just masturbate w/o fantasy? The latter may help prevent the urge to escalate...even if (actually because) the initial buzz is less.

The goal, remember, is balance. smiley