Sometimes, Marrieds Forget What It's Like To Be Single...Or Don't Understand Porn Withdrawal

Thanks for a great read, full of wisdom, insight and humor.

Who said they didn't care about singles struggling with porn "adjustments?" I'll punch their nose! Seriously, all of us HAVE been single, which is why we DO appreciate what you guys are struggling with. And the thought of finding a partner today with the oft-abused online tools you have and the prejudices that abound *does* make me shudder.

At the same time, you haven't been here long enough to know just how much of the forum and its collective loving attention have been lavished on those struggling with the issues you enumerate so entertainingly and poignantly. I'd venture to say that 75% of total forum posts have been about such struggles.

So be tolerant of the couples' current celebratory mood to have - at last - the luxury of a few threads by actual couples practicing karezza and enjoying its benefits. I thought Hotspring was gonna burst at the seams before it happened.

We still care about you guys, and we know you're just "like us," but at a different phase in the process. So feel free to sound off with your struggles.

It is kinda to have both relationship and single sexual healing going on at this site, because it does give both parts of the pack insight into what options are out there, and what is particularly challenging for other pack members. Whatever anyone does with any of the ideas here, at least there are lots to choose from.

Keep ranting when the spirit moves you. And just know that if I were there, I'd give you a foot rub in a minute, bro.

Dano, thank you for your post. A bit of a reality check there for me.

Your post made me remember back to almost three years ago when I got kicked out of my house after my wife discovered my porn addiction. I experienced an interesting flood of emotions just remembering all the loneliness and feeling of hopelessness of early recovery. I remember when I finally did get to return home to my wife and four children I was in emotional arctic isolation. I was raised in a family of yellers and screamers. Nancy is the total opposite. When angry, she just freezes me out as if I was effectively a piece of dog doo on her shoe. I can handle the yelling and screaming, but drop me in an isolation chamber and I am at a complete loss.

For me, in that environment, it was incredibly difficult to try to learn intimacy and connection to take the place of porn and masturbation. In fact, I can easily say that my early recovery was the toughest challenge that I have ever had to face. My good old stinky lovable black lab was one of the most important aids in my early recovery. I can remember that giving my dog a hug was the most important thing I had at that time. Cats are ok, but they can be a bit indifferent at times. Dogs love unconditionally. It's an amazing thing. As I learned to reconnect with my children, their hugs became even more important. Hugs from Nancy only started about six months ago, and they're really awesome. Marnia has it right, hugs, hugs, hugs.

I'm in a men's support group and I always love it when the conversation comes up between the married guys and the unmarried guys as to who has it easier. The married guys always say that the unmarried guys have it easier and the unmarried guys always say the opposite. It's a real bitch either way and the grass is always greener.

I think that the fallacy is that a lot of unmarried guys think that a relationship is going to save them. As a married guy I always thought, well if my wife just loved me enough, everything would be alright. That is probably one of the risks of my own posts on this site is that someone reading it may think that my newly rediscovered relationship with Nancy is the "solution." It isn't, not in any way shape or form. It's an incidental benefit of the work that I have been doing on myself over the past three years.

Until about six months ago, I would not have given my chance of my marriage surviving more than 40%. My wife was at 0%. She told me yesterday that she might start wearing her wedding ring again. I think she last wore it before our youngest was born about six years ago.

I'm basking in the glow of some recently found success, but I don't kid myself. I still have a lot of work to do on myself and our relationship has a lot of work ahead too. It's a life long process.

I really do admire the fortitude and strength of the single guys like you who are out there alone taking on the challenges. I admire you because you have the courage and strength to take on such challenges before life had to completely beat the hell out of you before you pulled your head out of your ass. It is obvious that you are a fighter and I have great confidence that you will ultimately succeed.

P.S. *Deep Passionate Kiss With Tongue While Staring Directly Into Your Eyes* right back at ya, ya perv!

Dano,

I am a recovering porn addict also. I am here for all you guys, but I really don't have much to add to what I have already posted. I "recovered" my way. I have blogged about it. At the end of the day, like all addictions, real change comes from within, preferably with the support of loved ones, but as some have learned, sometimes rock bottom happens too late for that. I was lucky. My wife stuck by me. At one point I asked her flat out if she still loved me. I could tell she did not, or at least what I had become. She could not answer.... She just cried. I am here to tell you that that sucks, to know you are responsible for that hurt.

So I had nowhere to go but up. It was an up and down struggle, but I am here to tell you that my wife loves me again! I cherish her and resolve everyday to do no harm. She has turned into the most loving woman I can imagine. She is forgiving, yet stern when she needs to be! She cuddles and hugs and kisses and looks at me with love in her eyes. Take it one day at a time, but measure it in longer terms. You will get there. It can be done....

PM me any time, I only have so much time to give and cannot comment on all posts, but I will always do what I can. That being said, I am ecstatic that other couples practicing Karezza have popped up on the forum! This is the goal, and we finally have others to talk to about it and hopefully ton inspire others!!

I do think about what it would be like to be suddenly single again often. It makes me shudder. I have found true love after all these years. I will do everything in my power to keep it!

Best of luck in your journey!

neil

I had to pretend to be smoking one as I started reading the post.

As a single wanker I disagreed with you a bit in other posts about dating but that was mostly from bitter hangover I feel now. I think my challenge for this weekend has got to be to find someone to give me a hand massage. That's all I want, some soothing contact. I don't want to get sticky right now.

Recently a work colleague said that his wife was pregnant and I just couldn't say "congratulations" because the guy seems to have so many problems himself that are just going to be passed on to their children. Which is horribly bitter and twisted of me 'cause normally I get on with kids.

I agree reading the stories of marrieds on here is really inspirational for me, to see that the "dream" is real and can be achieved, just perhaps without that orgasm thing that I discovered with puberty.

Here's a resource: http://events.lovetribe.org/lovetribe/public/pages/home.cfm?CFID=7479029...