July 26th 2pm.

Ok, So today was a bit interesting, as I expected it would get harder and it did. (5:53pm) July 24th was the last time I O'ed.
At around noon, I had an urge to watch porn and masturbate. I however didn't, I was about to so close, and I just kept giving myself reasons not to.
I then thought about a pasttime i had sex, and after orgasm 5 minutes later, felt alone and all emotional. This is the first time I've ever done this. In the past, before an urge I'd think about the positive aspects of orgasm, everything leading up to it, the porn, or the partner, the excitement. and then obviously the actual act. but never before have i remembered very clearly how i felt awful a little while afterwards. For some reason I feel like my brain has blocked out all of the negatives and is not letting me remember that part of it. Has anyone else tryed this? Anyone share a similar experience?
Anyways after I thought of how bad I felt post-orgasm, I was then totally grossed about by the idea, and didn't have a problem going on about my day without it.
Today I woke up probably about 5 hours earlier then I wanted to , but it's fine because as long as I didn't mess up I dont mind. I had alot to do today, run errands, go to the gym. and I just for the most part haven't thought to much about it.
For the next few hours I'll be very busy so im not worried about that. but later on when i have nothing to do, i might be on the weak side and have more urges.
Last night seemed to work fine, I was up most of the night reading some books that I had and some articles online, that seemed to take up the time that I normally would spend browsing porn.
so maybe ill just do that tonight.
Today I feel pretty normal no weird headache or anything, and I seem pretty at-ease.
Oh I almost forgot to mention something on-topic. I have been struggling financially, and I think for this reason it has made it easier when I wake up to worry more about how im going to make money then if i should or shouldnt masturbate today.
One downside however that contradicts that is when im not doing well financially if i feel hopeless, I take a stance of "screw it my life is going down the drain anyways, what difference does it make now if i masturbate.".
I apologize if my writing isn't organized and doesn't have like a main point, i guess im just putting ideas on paper.. .