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60 Day Attempt
Not going too well. Every sexual relationship I have had has become fodder for my mind. I still look at porn and don't want to, but, there you go. I think it's been five days without 'fulfillment' and my mind is in the gutter perpetually. Anywhere I go I attempt not to gawk at women but can't really seem to figure it out. It's not that I want to give up, but at times it just difficult to get past the thought that no matter what I'll be lusting after women. I know they say it fades, but does it really? My hat is surely off to those folks on here who seem to go months at their first attempt. I think maybe I need to find a social outlet somehow, that may actually help. I mean, I work and get along with my coworkers so that's my main social interaction. In my personal life though I wouldn't say that I have peers, or people that I am interested in talking to most of the time. I've tried finding social groups at churches etc. but to only some avail. I can definitely see how just having friends would help with this, ah well. I play sports quite actively but that doesn't seem to change anything. It's just life, with sports.
How come so many people talk about meditation and so few actually explain it? Is there a good text for beginning meditation? Anyone?
- couldnine's blog
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Hi couldnine
My personal opinion is that one should never compare oneself with others. Each and everyone is unique.
Good that you have decided to find a way out. Now the question is what is the path ? Again which path is effective, depends on the individual.
I feel one should find something which is close to one's heart and involve oneself fully in it. For some it could be music and for some it could be business. And to find what is that that excites you the most you need to meditate on it.
Think quietly about what excites you. Recall those days when you did something for a few days at a stretch without thinking about porn( may be in your childhood at least.), may be even something as simple as reading a detective novel.
But you may notice that your mind is so muddled up with thoughts of porn etc..that nothing seems to be clear.
So I suggest a simple meditation: it is called mindfulness.
To begin with just sit in a quiet place and observe your thoughts as they come. Dont indulge in them, don't be against them. just watch them as a neutral observer, see them raise and fall like waves. Do this for a few days.
Later you can extend it to to other times like when you are traveling or when you are in the toilet, or any free time.
Basically you are watching yourself and your thoughts and not being judgmental.
During the day be mindful of every activity that you do. For example when you are picking up an magazine say to yourself " now I am picking up the magazine".When you drink coffee , watch the steam raising and feel the fragrance. Just observe the act. See to it that the watchman in your mind is always alert and watching what you do: but does not intervene.
After a few days you will see that your thoughts are becoming more clearer and you are more aware of your actions.
And I guarantee you soon your mind will start a new line of thinking which will tell you what is that you always wanted to do. This is your own journey. No one can tell you what it is.
Once you do this exercise , I can help you further. I am willing to be with you in your journey, you could post threads , or pm me if I forget to get back to you.
Also please go through this:
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3228
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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.
Hi C9
Having listened to you guys struggle for several years, I can assure you of two things:
1. Very few people succeed in months of abstinence from porn on their first try.
2. The way you look at women absolutely *will* change if you stop watching porn. Watching it without masturbating isn't helping you rewire (it's just increasing your frustration), so it's not surprising that you haven't noticed a change. The change comes as you stop activating the brain circuits designed to find real partners attractive with extreme stimulation. Makes sense, right?
Satz suggestions are excellent, but if you want to start with a meditation that helps keep returning your wandering mind to the exercise, try this one: http://www.reuniting.info/download/misc/06Track6.wma
Good luck. Keep trying. It'll happen.
*big hug*
I KNOW !
But dammit, there are just so many moments to slide a little. Ugh. Onward. Thank you for the comments.
I know ;-)
But just picture those same brain circuits that you want to become less active...lighting up and restrengthening themselves each time you use porn...and you can see why "moderation" isn't a good idea right now.
Or rather, the message is to find other ways to make yourself feel good - even if they aren't as effective at first. See my other post.
*big hug*
Cloudnine. The fact that
Cloudnine. The fact that you are here trying says a lot. Think about how many people are using porn and denying they have a problem? Give yourself credit my friend. This is the FIRST big step you've taken and it's a big one. Now the rest is a learning experience which is why it's important to document your feelings which you are doing right now in your blog. From there, notice what works for you and what doesn't. For myself, I agree with Marnia, you have to give up porn altogether. Seems hard since many of us have been doing it for so many years. It will take some time but the benefits are worth. Keep your head up Cloudnine. You are moving in the right direction and evenetually you will get there.