Thoughts on Andrea Dworkin

There is a bit difference between butchering a human for sexual gratification compared to the current world of BDSM. The author, once again paints a one size fits all approach to women, berates men as if no woman is to blame as well for atrocities.

It is had to say what made people think what, for how do we go so far back before even the individual can remember. Those women that do fantasize, like some of the ones that I know personally, are aggravated when an author tries to speak to all women. The one gal, dreams of a boyfriend who will take charge in the bedroom and let her truly escape from reality for a bit. This isn't even whips and chains, this isn't being forced to do anything, this is simply she trusts her partner enough to fully relax and enjoy the moment. Some see it as selfish, but selfish is subjective. Many guys like to direct the flow in the bedroom, so to them it is win win.

Regardless of whether the orgasmic sex will lead them to break up, maybe sometimes it is for the better. If they are young and just want to experience it all, one cannot necessarily want to keep a bond forever. If they understand the neurochem may make them drift or what not, at least then they will understand not to take it out on each other. Part of the burden is the mystery to those susceptible to orgasmic downfall of why they feel worse. At least knowing the side effects leads one to be in a better position.

Everyone just needs to find what works for them. One needs to be able to try everything before they make personal decisions. They can take in all the science and help spread the word of all the options so the individual can see what works.

It is hard also to isolate a problem to one thing. When I was at a college far away from home in a program that I decided wasn't what I wanted to do, what is masturbation that made me a bit anxious or the fact I spent around 20k in a few months to live in a shoe box (dorm) and not learn anything? Did it make it worse, I doubt at this point. What has always been the source of problems for me was when I didn't sleep well, and having a roommate stumble in drunk and heave onto the floor every weekend wasn't promoting restful sleep. Couldn't change the guy, couldn't get rid of him, and I don't talk to him now that I am away from that school.

I read an article in which a porn maker said the violent acts against women are there because it gives viewers a way to "get even" with the women they wanted who spurned them. I guess that's a rather human feeling. Women can be quite vindictive, too, generally in more personal ways.

But for me the real tragedy is that by linking those vindictive feelings with orgasm, the whole package becomes addictive to the porn user. And the more one is caught in it, the more one tends to isolate...and be even more unattractive to potential partners. So the whole mess becomes a downward spiral. Often one in which the person needs more and more degrading scenarios to get off...for the brain chemical reasons we often talk about here.

Another bit of damage I see is that porn, by subtly numbing men's pleasure centers in the brain, makes the need to find a "hot" babe even more imperative (so one can get off), as opposed to the need to find a friendly, caring companion with whom one also engages in some sexual activity. Also, as you guys notice, what you find attractive shifts as you get away from it, so today's porn is like putting on blinders that distort your vision, making it hard to find real partners attractive and arousing.

So porn really hurts men. And despite the harms it does the women in that industry, it does a much greater harm to vastly more would-be mates of both sexes by driving an invisible, but very effective wedge between them.

It also harms by causing women to carve up their bodies to try to look like "hotties," not knowing that their mates will soon be seeking novelty no matter how hot they look, because their mates are using them (and porn) to continue numbing their brains.

It also harms by causing men to imagine that they aren't even in the running if they don't look and act like male porn stars...despite the fact that most women don't want rough sex with a brutal stud, let alone his ejaculate spewed into their faces or their excretory organ (anus) ripped apart because of his vindictive fantasy head trip (or desire for novel thrills).

And all of what I'm saying sounds like fiction until one is off porn for a while, and starts to find normal women attractive (and be found attractive by them).

Anyway, bravo for you guys and your willingness to risk change to find genuine connection. I know it's not easy. It's always easiest to stay stuck self-medicating by the fastest means. I sincerely hope there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel for all of you, and I'm encouraged by the experiences of those of you who are already emerging from that tunnel.

Be well and prosper.