Day 18

Submitted by Patientfaith07 on Mon, 2010-08-09 09:07
Community topics: 
Addiction
pornography
masturbation
Urges

Day 18, I woke up today and didn't feel any strong urges. Starting to get bored with the day while waiting for answers from job applications and the urge to p/m/o is increasing while i'm not distracting myself. Last night while hanging out with friends i was told by a good friend i've known for many years that she's so happy where i am in my life and how much i've changed. she does not know about my p/m/o...it was a nice feeling hearing that, gives me strength to keep up the fight...Going to finish scraping paint, then off to work. Will update later.

Comments

Submitted by Patientfaith07 on Mon, 2010-08-09 10:19.

very strong urges just rose up while i was outside working, no onset really just go very aroused and almost came back to start p/m/o...that intense...not sure where to go from here...

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Mon, 2010-08-09 10:36.

for when that happens...because it will. Have you tried the cold water? smiley

It's super smiley that your friend picked up on the changes....

*big hug*

Submitted by Patientfaith07 on Mon, 2010-08-09 10:43.

thanks marnia...im listening to relaxation music at the moment and have gotten the urges under control, i'll try the cold water thing...its getting better...having great friends helps so much...

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Mon, 2010-08-09 10:51.

Yes, friends are very soothing.

Submitted by Mystery on Mon, 2010-08-09 13:42.

well done i am on day 18 myself today. we are doing well.

Submitted by Patientfaith07 on Mon, 2010-08-09 16:59.

so after that last comment today i ended up turning back to a random thing i used to do a while back called erotic hyponosis...not a good thing...it increased the urges and i tried to find relief through anal stimulation and prostate 'milking' which i've tried a few time but never figured exactly how to do it and so as i was trying this time...with no penial stimulation at all...my body just locked up on itself...i lost all desire and arousal...it was a nice feeling to have my body fight back on itself for once...idk if this counts a failure cause i didnt orgasm so theres that...still depressed i let my desire get that far and take over even that much...going to be with friends for the night hopefully tomorrow will be better...

also im in a bind of sorts that could lead to increased stress...im at a deadend job that doesnt pay well or give me enough hours, im in the process of moving out of the house i've lived in my whole life, and trying to find a new job to make ends meet and it just seems easier to give up...

still fighting the good fight though...thank god.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Mon, 2010-08-09 19:30.

You're going through a big transformation. Be patient.

Submitted by Patientfaith07 on Mon, 2010-08-09 21:35.

thanks. just needed to hear patience from someone...being around people tonight helped a lot...and the war rages on!! FREEDOM!!