Day 6

I'm back!

Today, I'm feeling so incredibly tired. My head feels like it is too small for my brain. My eyes and forehead feel especially bloated and hard to move my eyes. I feel like I could sleep until tomorrow.

My dopamine report:

*Low Dopamine: 2,15
*High Dopamine: 2,10
*Relationship disharmony: 1,58

This is the first day in a while that I have felt the urge for porn and sex. I have been quite nonsexual lately. I feel that my brain and dopamine receptors are clearly recalibrating the system! This time I understand more whats happening with my body while I'm "detoxing" from orgasms. I have been abstaining from all sexual contact, even intimate sexual contact with my girlfriend, as I felt that it just made me crave sex and porn. So I knew that my brain wasn't ready for that. I decided I would take 30 days from all orgasms, porn, intimate sexual touching. The most touching we do is hugging and then when we go to sleep to spoon each other, that's not very much and my girlfriend feels that we have gotten less intimate, but I explain that it is important for me to go through this, so I can feel better and be a better partner.
My 90 day goal still stands as related to all the things I wrote in my first post: Orgasms, "classic" sex, porn, sexual images(both on the computer and in the head) and all the food issues also.

Not ingesting white sugar and white wheat and generally staying off fast food and unhealthy foods, has helped A LOT. I do not feel as irritated and certainly not as emotionally blocked. It hurts more emotionally, but I have to deal with it now, not tomorrow, not after the pizza, now and without the pizza.

Besides that, I made clear goals, it has been the best thing I have ever done. It gives me something to hold on to, and to write the goals in here gave me extra motivation, as then it isn't just in my head, it's public and I'm responsible for the goals that I have made public. And I will hold myself responsible if I do not persevere.

If there's any advice I could give at this stage to others who are on this journey: write down goals! Even if it's just goals for 1 day, 3 days, a week, a month or 1 hour, it doesn't matter. Just making a commitment means so much, especially when you succeed, then you get more energy and motivation to continue. For me every day, since I made my goals, has been a riveting success for me, I enjoy seeing me regain my life. However if you do not succeed, no worries! Don't beat yourself up, that's the worst thing you can do, stand with yourself don't beat yourself up and attack yourself, then you will just run back to the old routines of your life. "Be gentle" as Marnia says, it's the best way.

Please remember: It isn't how many times you fall down, it's how many times you pull yourself out of the dirt and continue, despite feeling and being covered with dirt, despite everything and everyone around you, this recovery is about you regaining your life... don't stop, never loose hope, we will persevere.

Pertonis

Ps.
I also wanted to pass on thanks to Marnia. Her advice and clear sightedness is a blessing for me, us, here on this forum/planet. Thank you Marnia and to all those that are on here sharing, also thank you.