I wrote this in answer to a question from SportsGuy2259. He got me thinking about the changes that happen when we quit porn, and his question was specific to how being porn free affects our relationship to women. I thought it should be it's own blog post. The original thread, started by markthomas, can be found here:
What's Life Like Without Porn For Awhile?
The longer you stay away from porn the more things "reboot." Not only do we learn new habits, we learn a new way of life without a constant stream of extreme sexual stimulation. Since the new "normal" in our society is that vast numbers of men (and many women) are walking around in a sort of low level sexual fever the majority of the time, for us that dies down somewhat, but much more so with no masturbation at all for over two weeks. That's what Marnia calls the "passion cycle" or "hangover" after orgasm so getting over that hump is where some real profound emotional/physical shifts happen. Anytime I've gotten past two weeks of no PMO I've felt increasingly....powerful. That's the only word I can use to describe it.
In addition, I've found that even if I do fall off and masturbate *without porn,* I'm still less intense in constantly searching for attractive women and looking around at them in public. (Don't know if you were ever like that but I was, sometimes still am.) For real though, it's not all cake once you get past say two or three months of no porn, the triggers are still there and the reality is most anyone who's got any time can tell you there are relapses. They can be minimized with a lot of forethought and being prepared but they can happen nonetheless if we aren't careful.
I wish I had way more time and I could tell you what it's like after 6 months or a year of no porn, maybe someone who does have this kind of time can chime in. For now, I'm right there with you. Also, like you, I have no desire to look at porn right now. Ironically, sex with a real woman, or just messing around with one is a big trigger for porn, whether I orgasm with her or not. I just learned that a couple weeks ago. For me, it's way harder to quit masturbating than to quit porn. My recent discovery also showed me that I could quit masturbating for two or three weeks standing on my head when I was single, while in my new relationship I'm lucky if I can go a week of no orgasm, with her or by myself.
Getting to know one's body without porn and is a huge step in the right direction for real life interacting with women. I've noticed the longer I stay away from porn, that it's easier to talk to them, flirt and get into conversations. These things I could do while still masturbating to porn on a regular basis but my attitude is so much less interested in getting her panties off. Of course, I'm sexually attracted to them (if they are an attractive woman they already know that anyway!) but the difference is the lizard brain is in it's cage where it belongs, while the full breadth of my personality can show itself and take shape before her eyes in a way that is stifled under the crippling emotional blanket of constant porn use.
That is a refreshing change for both of us, as I'm sure any woman reading this post will attest! They know when a dude has an ulterior motive, no matter if he tries to hide it. Quitting PMO is the path to making the "goal" of orgasm a complete non-issue when interacting with women. It really makes you more attractive to them and at the same time you get a rock solid confidence boost out of not caring a wit if she will ultimately sleep with you. It's easier to just "go with the flow." That *will* improve your chances, but as with all things related to women and dating, it often appears in ways you wouldn't think of until it happens. You'll see man, if you haven't already. Logic and explanation really fail to deliver on things that must be experienced for oneself, but you get the picture.