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"healthy aggression" or assertiveness?
Why does it seem like I'm the only one who is not a believer of "healthy aggression"? It feels like everyone I know believes in this over assertiveness. Or is it that, assertiveness is "healthy aggression", or is it so that most people think that what is assertive is aggression or vice versa.
I'll have to read these two articles because I searched for the term "healthy aggression" in google and came up with these
Vital and Creative Functions of Healthy Aggression
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9881&cn=116
The Seven Vital and Creative Functions of Healthy Aggression
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8621&cn=116
I really think it's just subconscious programming or memes at play. I also think that children may also show signs of aggression and that is "healthy" because we are young, and still have some 'primitive' human aspects at play.. but I still associate it with adolescence or being young and it's something that has to be overcome.
Why has the average personality become so mean and cocky, and aggressive? It's now normal to be loud, and disrespectful, cold and uncaring. It's now normal to test each other's wits, it's widely accepted even that one MUST be aggressive with the opposite sex in the case if you're male, and for the female to expect the male to be aggressive, and dominant and to test him, even if unnecessarily.
I think it's even to the point that the only reason why males developed aggression is for competition for females, and that because women want to see males competing for them. So a non-aggressive male may be so simply because he's lacking women in his life, he has not had the time or experience to develop 'healthy aggressive' behaviors that are encouraged by women when young. It almost feels as if males are Forced to be aggressive because well, women want that.
At the same time undesirable males were taught not to be aggressive with women, that it was wrong. At the same time though, it is ok for the 'desirables', 'alpha dominant' males to be aggressive.
In my opinion, these aggressive behaviors stem from the 'harem' mentality, the competitive fear- anger- based type of sexuality. Not karezza.
- TheZone's blog
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Comments
nonaggression can sometimes be alluring
Hi,
Recently I was reading a book called "The Age of Absurdity" by Michael Foley. What interested me about what you wrote ties in with the difference between chimpanzees and gorillas that I learnt about when reading this book. Evidently, gorillas live in a alpha male dominated society. The males have extremely large musculature and small testicles/penises whereas the chimpanzees have sexual success regardless of their musculature (or Alphamaleness) due to the promiscuity of chimpanzee "society". The interesting thing is that chimpanzees have proportionally much larger penises and testicles.
http://www.reuniting.info/node/4413
thanks for reading,
Brenmal
chimpanzees are still
chimpanzees are still aggressive.
And non-aggression is not appealing to women. Historically, and even today, the only men who get women are the aggressive men. Yet at the same time, if a 'non-aggressive' male wants to show interest he is seen as doing something wrong, and more aggressive then even the most aggressive of males, even if the aggressive male does something more extreme than the other male.
Nothing will help. Women
Nothing will help.
Women only want aggressive, and violent men.
There's no changing my mind in this.
I will surely commit suicide.
It's not that I can't learn to defend myself or my woman.
It's not that at all.
It's that she WANTS me to bully other men. It's that she WANTS me to be immoral and selfish.
Sorry, you are simply wrong
Sorry, you are simply wrong about this. I used to get bent out of shape about my view of men, until I realized I was doing a real disservice to myself in holding such malnourished convictions of the opposite sex. As a woman I can attest to the fact that I do not in any way enjoy aggressive men. In fact, I think society would be on the whole a lot better if men weren't as aggressive as they were. Confidence, on the other hand, is very attractive, but is not aggresive.
I'm sorry you're hurting, but please don't kill yourself over a fabricated untruth. If you have watched a lot of porn, your idea of men and women and their dynamics is probably skewed by that.
Time to clear up, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Until you start telling a new story, you are unlikely to have a new experience. What you are struggling with is a struggle in your soul. I reccomend taking a plane to south america and finding a shaman and drinking ayahuasca as soon as possible.
Scientific evidence
Scientific evidence DEMONSTRATES that women will go for the most brutal of men. Regardless of their "intelligence", regardless of how "good" they are, or they show themselves to be. Women DEMONSTRATE that they are incapable of fidelity perhaps even moreso than men. This is by far MOST women.
To say that most women are this way. Because, their biology has been ENGINEERED this way, and women KEEP breeding this, and KEEP breeding more and more and more and more these tendencies.
Not to pick men that can defend. But to pick men that show "desirable traits". A fuckin peacock doesn't have colorful feathers to defend itself against predators. They only develop them for competition against other males.
It doesn't mater to them that men are fighting their own kind. They want sport. They want blood. They want to torture.
Nothing to Contribute
Ya know, it's getting to the point where I pretty much skip entries that have your name attached to them. Your tirades get a bit tiring after awhile. Maybe you could find a new hobby, huh? This one doesn't seem to be doing much to benefit you or the community.
it's because people don't
it's because people don't want to change that you'll keep seeing this. It's because women don't care.
Yea what a great way to make people change, completely neglect their existence, and torture them until they can't even change because you've already beaten them to a pulp. Yea that's what everyone does to me. Especially women.
Giving your Power Away
You are very good at giving away your power to others. Your perception is that everyone is doing something to you, particularly women. In reality, nobody is doing anything to you. You are doing this to yourself by virtue of your perceptions and how you choose to respond.
You could choose to learn how to esteem yourself and have healthy boundaries in your relationships with others. These would likely be difficult skills for you to learn and they would take a considerable amount of time and work on your part. The rewards would likely be life changing and you might even find some happiness in your life. Or you can continue to wallow in self pity and unhappiness which you seem very determined to do.
I realize that I am only the latest of many on this site to send you this message. It hasn't sunk in
before now, so I have no expectations that it will do so now. The lyrics to a Pink Floyd song come to mind:
All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.
Peace Zone. You are a beautiful and precious person. I hope someday you can learn to see that in yourself. Only then will you be able to see it in others as well.
Zone, Sid is right. You are
Zone,
Sid is right. You are a making yourself the victim. We really are our own worst enemies.
First of all, suicide talk (and suicide) will never get you the results you are looking for. You have to learn to deal with things like everyone else. Life is tough, but its also great too. It is tough being your age with women. Most guys are getting the short end of the stick at that age, its just life. We all have to learn to deal with it. Joe-aggressive alpha football player getting all the ladies is dealing with a mountain of insecurities and fears too, just as many if not more than you. Feel lucky that you have some depth and insight, develop this and give it to the world.
I wanted to commit suicide at one time over a girl. In retrospect, it was immature and stupid and there are much better things to live for. Plus, she wasnt that important, I was just delusional. So are you right now.
Get to a therapist right away. Dont delay this any longer. You are in a bad space and need to listen to someone and they need to listen to you. I know that this is the right thing. Can you trust some of us here enough to take our advice and go through with it? We arent all that different, a lot of us have experienced the same kind of pain you are going through.
Get to the doctor first thing tomorrow. Make it a priority over class. No more excuses, this cannot go on any longer.
Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato