Sleepless

Well, this is really odd for me. I can't stay asleep. Now, I thought it was that my work was causing me to wake up and just ruminate on things left undone and tasks which seem insurmountable. But, it has been a perfect storm of sorts. My first girlfriend of ten years ago, who I proposed to has emailed me out of the blue and let on to some degree that the guy that I though would maybe be for her has gotten married. Fine, no big deal. Kindov. I have not talked to her in ages.
But, the same week, my girlfriend who I am infatuated with on multiple levels, is essentially leaving her deeply rooted home to marry me. Now, the particulars of that are not necessary, but it remains certain that if I remain unchanged in my opinion, we will be together. I love her, and never experienced anything but growth and amazing things with her right now.
But, is it possible that this is what is keeping me from sleep, if so, what do I do? I can't talk to her, or can I? Since this say current girl, and I have been together it's spelled ruin for her in many ways. I feel much, and am, highly responsible for her decline academically as I've introduced some orgasmic things previously left untouched by her. But, now we are doing really well though we are never together, things are on track, and if she commits to me, the pressure of thinking I'm just going to continue to ruin her life, man it completely overwhelms me.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I am wondering if it is the fact that I'm going through this porn and orgasm reduction period in my life as well, but, my actions have really caused her ruin. She is coming here to primarily be with me, and is completely on the fence about what to do, and is coming here based on few other facts than the fact that I'm here. We are amazing together, really, but all the eggs are in one basket. Sadly I have no way to see her future taken care of and fear she is giving up that which she holds most dear. I don't make enough money, etc etc.
Then there is the other girl, the past, which seems like a way out of here, but Currant is prevvy to this website, and is ecstatic that I've incorporated it and is eager to do the same. I have no clue as to how to approach this. It's clearly beyond this board's scope, but it remains truly what I am. Does this make any, if at all sense? Thanks for reading. Again.