Journaling through your addiction

Submitted by healthiertimes on Wed, 2010-09-01 07:54
Community topics: 
porn addiction recovery

One of the things I've read on this website is that some have found journaling to be an important part of their recovery. I'm wondering if anyone would be willing to expand on this. What kind of journaling seemed to help? What were the things you wrote about?

I've had a couple different experiences with journaling. There was one time in my life, several years ago, in which I was in a particularly bad funk, probably feeling the most lonely I have ever felt. I believe a journal I kept at the time was one of the factors that helped me out of that funk. In it, I wrote down my despairs, fears, hopes, inspirational quotes, poems, and prayers. I've tried since then to keep similar journals, but not to the same success.

The last time I tried abstinence, I kept a stream-of-consciousness journal with mixed success. I certainly was able to get some of my emotions on paper, which was a relief. However, I also found myself using it as an outlet for my desires. I'd write down, in rather graphic terms, my sexual desires, fantasies, whatever. I guess it was nice to have some kind of outlet, but after two weeks I found myself feeling super horny, basically desiring every girl I saw. I don't know to what extent that had to do with the journal, but I'm not quite experiencing the same thing this time around.

So, any thoughts on how journals have helped other people?

Comments

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Wed, 2010-09-01 09:21.

everyone who journals does it differently. Blogging, too, is a form of journaling, of course. For some, just getting one's thoughts down leads to unexpected insights.

But anything that increases sexual cravings in a situation where satisfaction is uncertain is going to make life tougher. Fantasizing and writing about it would seem a perfect recipe for restless dissatisfaction.

Part of learning to manage sexual energy is learning to steer your mind toward things that promote equilibrium (unless your sweetheart is around, in which case you want to steer your mind to what's going on in the present smiley ). Have you tried meditation?

Submitted by healthiertimes on Wed, 2010-09-01 12:44.

I have been meditating...it definitely helps.

Marnia's picture

Submitted by Marnia on Wed, 2010-09-01 16:20.

This is a challenging adjustment under any circumstances. More challenging sometimes than others.

Good luck.

Submitted by daventryHero on Wed, 2010-09-01 22:37.

Interesting topic. I have been journaling in various forms for a long time. When I do it a lot of subconscious things tend to come far enough into awareness to be examined. Otherwise they are just sortof there, affecting my life, and I don't even know about them.

A lot of my writing on this topic focused on figuring out whether I even WANTED to stop using porn permanently. Initially I was very motivated but I didn't realize I had this whole web of beliefs built up around not needing other people. Then my reasserted sex drive crashed headlong into that belief system and created a lot of inner conflict. Stress.

I even went back to porn for a while to hide from the fact that I was going to need to change my identity and some of my beliefs if I wanted to move forward.

What a mess. I'm not sure I would have figured out what was really going on if I hadn't been writing about it and trying to untangle it.

So for me, the journal is invaluable.

IM1969's picture

Submitted by IM1969 on Thu, 2010-09-02 03:24.

I have found journaling really helpful -
- it helps get your thoughts out
- I am working on staying porn/cybersex/masturbation free and it keeps a record
- biggest thing for me is that I have committed to this and honesty whatever and there is NO WAY I want to come on here an post that I slipped
M