Day 16 Week 3

Been brooding over the fact that my ex (son's mom) is trying to get under my skin via text. Basically she's trying to pawn my son off on me, and since I have relatives in town she feels that she can pawn him off on them. Without consideration for the fact that I did off work around 11 Sunday night, so I the next day watched him from 7ish to noon. Then day after 7:30am to 12ish. So she tried pushing my buttons by typing in all caps to rudely ask me when I'm going to watch him. So, I told her I'd let her know if my schedule changes. I've tried being civil but, I really think I'm going to get some advice on what to do in this situation from a friend of a friend (in law) who works with these situations. My mom is trying to stay out of it (ex is afraid of my mom and rightfully so!). Withdrawal symptoms: depression, restlessness, feeling antisocial I'm not afraid to talk to people I just don't feel like talking to them yet in a way I do, its f**ckin throwing me off kilter). I admire girls' when I see them out and about, but right now I don't feel like talking to them...that and I'm having trust issues of not wanting to be a doormat. I'm feeling cold (like I don't want to do this for you or that for you, because i don't want to be wrapped around your finger like my last my last relationship) so I don't want a relationship. But there's a cute girl at work that I just want to go out with and get to know, hope these issues don't like mess anything up with that you know?

Its funny because I was thinking "If I open the door for a girl will she think I'm too nice or if i do this will she think I'm too nice" right as I was entering the mall this really cute girl smiled and held the door for me and waited until I got inside to shut it. I smiled and told her thank you on my way end, that kinda blew my mind. coincidence? A female friend told me not to think so hard about it and that in a relationship just do what you feel is right or do what you can for each other, something like that. In the future I wouldn't mind dating a woman who works and is trying to better herself, but I do want to take the lead and have that traditional relationship. I'd rather someone that has the traits of a housewife but that is able to work and further her career, if that makes any sense. So I've been moody, and broody I feel aggressive yet passive at times, its like my passive side is weaker than my aggressive side. What I mean is I'll think of being more direct with people, then I'll be direct with people while feeling kinda nervous though it doesn't show, due to the reactions I get from others. I've been feeling way off lately, woke up this morning and couldn't really sleep, feelin a bit sick. So my mom gave me some medicine to take. not sure if I wanna go to work or not. Since I'm stubborn I probably will. Cravings were pretty strong yesterday. I'd like to get two months in under my belt just to help my brain. My sense of hearing is more perceptive, I can listen to a song I've listened to a thousand times in the past and now I can actually hear each instrument, background singers.

My guitar playing is getting alot better. Art skills as well. Amidst the negative feelings I can tell that I'm getting better. Gonna go take a nap and see if that helps, I got work in a few hours.